How To Save A Life
by EarthhAngel
Summary: Cole Singer seemed to have everything going for her. She was a trained hunter with a life and a college degree but when someone she trusted takes advantage of her it shakes her to the very core. Who can she trust after that? Who will help her put her life back together again?
1. Stand Your Ground

_She won't make a sound  
Alone in this fight with herself and the fears whispering if she stands she'll fall down  
She wants to be found  
The only way out is through everything she's running from wants to give up and lie down._

_So stand in the rain  
Stand your ground  
Stand up when it's all crashing down  
You stand through the pain  
You won't drown  
And one day, what's lost can be found  
You stand in the rain_

Stand Your Ground

* * *

I had never really been afraid of the dark. I grew up with monsters and demons, witches and ghosts. My mother died when I was nine years old. She'd been killed by my father, after he'd defended himself against the demon possessing her.

After that my life was never the same. I'd always secretly wondered if my dad had ever wanted a boy. Boys can do things girls can't. They are less picky. They can go to football games and have fun with friends. They make better warriors. They can train longer, hit harder, run faster.

Hell if I'd been a boy I likely could have defended myself during what ended up being the worst night of my life three months ago, it might never have happened, at least not to me. Then I wouldn't be in the constant predicament I almost always found myself in these days.

I wouldn't be afraid of the dark, I wouldn't need anything from anyone, I wouldn't need _him_. I wouldn't scream and cry out in my sleep, desperate for _him_ to save me, when I'd been trained to save myself from the vilest forms of evil to ever walk the earth. I sat up in bed, removing my hand from under my pillow, from the silver knife tucked under it.

I made my way down the stairs and into the kitchen for a glass of water. The light was already on, _Dad must be awake_. I crossed to the kitchen in my nightclothes; I hadn't bothered to put on a robe when I left my bed.

It had been just me and Dad in the house when I went to sleep, but I wasn't surprised to find Dean and Sam Winchester sitting at my dining room table when I stepped into the lit up kitchen, they lived here too, on and off, when they weren't on the road, hunting.

I appraised them as I turned my back to the sink. "What the hell happened to you guys?" I asked, concerned. Sammy's face was covered in bruises. Dean had a serious gash under his right eye; the eye was almost swollen shut. They were sitting up though and drinking; Dean had whiskey, Sam had a coke. That was a good sign, they were alive and kicking.

My dad walked in with his arms loaded with about a half dozen ace bandages, cotton pads, some suture and a couple of needles. Beth, their adopted sister, trailed after him with a couple of bottles of alcohol, some for sterilizing and some for drinking. I bent down into the refrigerator to find the Lidocaine I'd pocketed after I had sewn my last clinical patient up, Dean looked like he was going to need some of it.

I felt someone come up behind me; fighting down my instinctual fear of being vulnerable to attack, I breathed my way through a mini panic attack. I breathed my way through the need to turn and defend myself in my own home. That was when the scent hit me.

Leather, the black ice scent from truckzilla, the outdoors, and the musky male scent that could only belong to one: John Winchester.

"Easy now, don't straighten up yet," he said huskily from above me. I heard the freezer door open above my head. I found I couldn't help myself, and stood up with the intention of going to Dean; out of the four of them he was the only one who looked like they'd need stitches.

Instead of getting out of my way, John stepped into my space, reaching around behind my head for the ice packs everyone was going to need.

"Nicely done with the panic attack," he whispered proudly in my ear and he gave me a small nod before turning to go sit next to Sam. Hopefully no one had caught the subtle unconscious movement when I'd stepped even nearer to him, seeking comfort.

I made my way to Dean; my dad was already scrubbing his face with the alcohol. "Ow dammit Bobby, you're not scrubbing the floors here." Dean had always been a big baby. I smirked. Beth rolled her eyes at him and placed another whiskey on the table, watching him with a worried expression.

"Please Dean he's just getting you ready for when I get a hold of you." I said trying to keep the smile off of my face.

He turned to me cocking an eyebrow. "Really?" He said giving me an appreciative once over. "You gonna make me scream louder?" He asked using his tongue to wet his bottom lip.

It had been months since I'd even tried flirting with anyone, if this could really be called flirting. I gave him a dazzling smile, laying my hand on his arm. Tracing up the back of his hand, "Honey by the time I'm done with you, you won't have a voice for at least 24 hours."

His smile faltered, he briefly narrowed his eyes. Then the uncomfortable shifting came. Inwardly I was jumping up and down like a little school girl. I could still do it! My smile grew wider.

"What the hell is wrong with you two idjits!" Dad snapped at us like we'd lost our damn minds. "Don't think that just because you two are grown now I'm gonna allow any shenanigans!" He said, his voice gruff. I'm not sure if I was the only one who saw it, but I could've sworn my dad was hiding a smile from his face. Beth shifted uncomfortably behind Dad and then went to stand by John, fussing over him. I was the only one, other than perhaps Dean himself, who knew how close Dad was to what he was implying – he just had the wrong girl.

I cleared my throat and readied the syringe and needle to stitch Dean's face back together. I caught sight of John out of the corner of my eye; his eyes were narrowed at me. A small shiver ran down my spine.

Dean's face took five single knotted stitches. Once I was done, I put some antibiotic ointment on it to help head off any infection. I handed him a Norco I had left over from one of my last trips to the hospital.

I stretched, admiring my work, and then turned to look at the clock on the stove. 3:00AM, my usual witching hour. When the nightmares got to be so bad, I'd just stay up until daylight broke then grab about five hours of sleep. Beth was busy wrapping John's ribs with her usual look of concern plastered to her face. She had a few cuts and bruises of her own, but was by far the one in the best condition out of the entire group. Sam, Dean, and Dad were talking about the big bad werewolf that had almost used Dean for a chew toy.

Sam let out a huge yawn that had him wincing as he stretched a pulled muscle. "I'm tired, I think I'm going to head upstairs to bed," he said getting up and heading for the stairs.

"The sheets are clean, and both beds are made up." I said to him. There was a double and a single in the spare room, Beth usually bunked in with me when they were here, John and the two boys taking the spare. Sam nodded and waved good night to us all.

Dean reached out and took my hand. "Thanks Cole," he said quietly, he stood up as well following Sam. That Norco must have already knocked him for a loop because he staggered and Beth left John's side to put her arm around his waist, supporting him as she led him toward the stairs. I frowned; Dean wasn't usually so susceptible to meds.

My dad stood too, ready to go back up to bed. "I'm going to try and catch a little more beauty sleep, I wasn't planning on having the three stooges and Beth invade my home in the middle of the night. Honey, are you going to get anymore sleep?" He asked me, looking concerned.

I had to fight to keep my face neutral, _why the hell was he so concerned about my sleep patterns_? I thought I'd been doing well at keeping him in the dark about how I was not sleeping much. I gave him a half smile, and ducked my face, my long hair effectively hiding my face.

"Nah I'm good. I think I'll stay up for a little while. Maybe get some studying done."

He leaned down to kiss the top of my head. "Ok. If you're sure," he agreed. I watched him walk to the top of the stairs, as Beth came out of the spare room, almost running into him. She looked down at us, biting her lip.

"Hey Dad? Are you ok to sleep on the couch? I might sleep in with Dean, he's not breathing so well…I want to keep an eye on him." She said to John. The older Winchester nodded at her and Dad looked down at me.

"Can you get John some sheets and linens to make up the couch?" He asked.

"Yeah sure don't worry about it I got it." I said reassuringly. I pulled my knees up to my chest in the chair I was sitting in, and then crossed my arms over the top. John was quiet just watching me, waiting. He was always waiting.

I shifted, fidgeting a little. It was a little unnerving when he watched me, so quiet, not pushing me for anything, not expecting anything, just understanding that whatever happened would happen in its own time.

I tried to keep myself busy, but it wasn't easy with John watching me, I was ever conscious of his gaze on me as I cleared away the bottles of alcohol, taking them back into the library. I looked at the couch and frowned, remembering that I needed to get the sheets from the linen closet.

John loitered in the library, flipping through a couple of books as I went about putting a sheet over the couch cushions, fluffing up a pillow for him and covering it with a fresh pillow case. I finished it off with another sheet and a nice warm feather duvet; it was off my bed, but I seriously didn't think I'd be getting any more sleep tonight anyway.

As I fluffed up the duvet, and put it on the couch, I felt him move up behind me again, this time there was no panic attack. I stilled, feeling his breath on the back of my neck, and my heart started to race.

"Thank you," he said quietly, not moving. I nodded, and swallowed hard. I really needed a drink. I stepped forward and to my left, moving away from John, going back into the kitchen, heading for the fridge and grabbing a can of Coke for myself, and turned back to John. "Would you like something to drink we have Whiskey, Scotch, Coke, Water, and well... never mind that's it. Dad must have drunk all the lemonade." I shrugged turning back to him.

"I'll have a Coke," he said. I opened the fridge again and reached in for another can.

I seated myself in the chair beside him, handing him his coke. He tapped the top a few times before opening it. I glanced at him a small frown coming over my face. "What?" He asked with a smile.

"That's just unusual; I've never seen anyone do that with a can of soda before." I said for some reason feeling unusually shy. "Why do you do that?" I asked him.

A crease formed between his brows for a second then was gone; he was looking at me thinking about his reply. A small humored smile appeared across his face. "I'm not sure, it's a habit that I picked up from somewhere, haven't you noticed Dean and Sammy do it too?" He asked.

I let out a small laugh. "No... I don't think I've noticed them doing that before." I laughed again. I couldn't understand why I'd felt so much humor over such a pointless conversation.

"It's good to hear you laughing again, Nicole." He said smiling at me. "How have you been?" He asked me concern evident in his voice.

"I…. I." Ishook my head blinking back the tears that sprang into my eyes. Shit. I hated crying. And crying in front of John Winchester, give me a break. I mean sure he'd seen me throw my fair share of temper tantrums as a kid, sock his son (Dean of course) in the face, and generally be a brat when I didn't get my way. But this was different.

_It isn't as if he hasn't seen you cry before, _a small voice in my head reminded. At that thought I started sobbing, quietly and muffling it as best I could so I wouldn't wake anyone; my entire body was shaking. I held my breath, hoping that if I could just quit breathing for a minute, some of the pain and tears and heartache would go away. Whenever I gulped in the air I'd deprived my body of my sobs sounded louder to my own ears.

John reached over and picked me up, settling me in his lap, turning my head into his bare chest, using his body to muffle my sobs. He simply held me for what seemed like an eternity. He was running his fingers through my hair, gently reminding me that this wasn't my burden alone to bear.

That had been the choice I'd made when I made the decision to have the hospital call John instead of Dad. I'd made a choice to allow someone to help me shoulder this horrible weight. Slowly I raised my head. My sobs had quieted for the most part.

I never had been able to look pretty while crying. My nose and cheeks and eyes all became red and puffy. I made up my mind to clean myself up, however when I went to stand John grabbed my arms just above the elbows. His dark gaze was searching my face, looking for something. Whatever he saw made his expression harden. "Don't you dare pull away... from me, from your father, from your brothers and sister. We all love you Cole. We all care what happens to you." John said shakily, he looked for a moment like he was conflicted, like he had something else on his mind to say.

"I'm not pulling away from anyone, I'm just going to clean up. I feel disgusting." I said with a smile that didn't ever reach my eyes. _You are disgusting. How could anyone ever want you? You're so weak, all those years of training beside Sam, Dean, and Beth and you can't even fight off a few pathetic humans. _My eyes were welling with tears again.

"Sweetheart." John said pulling me into his chest again, just quietly waiting and watching over me while I cried tears that never came when I was around any other living soul. John Winchester knew my deepest and darkest secret and I had the feeling that unless I told him otherwise he would take it with him to his grave.

Once this round of tears had successfully stopped, I stood, pushing myself off John's lap. I made my way over to the sink and scrubbed my face, when I had dried off I turned around to face him again.

He was cleaning the mess from getting everyone patched up. I leaned on the sink, just watching him for a minute. Focusing on something else helped me take away the emotions and thoughts that were swirling around in my head.

I steadied myself, taking a deep breath. "I... honestly I'm not doing so well." I said quietly my voice was barely audible even to my own ears. "I…I'm trying to put this all behind me and move on with my life, but I feel like the life I was meant to live, being a nurse with a part time crap paying job as a hunter on the side. It just doesn't feel like it fits me anymore. I feel like this entire thing with…." I trailed off unable to make myself say his name.

"It's just blown all my plans, my future, to shit. What the hell is the point?! This thing, this. Whatever. It's fucked everything up, it's fucked me up, who the hell could ever want to be with someone who has a psychotic death wish and sees demons and ghosts at every turn." I started to pace, just a few steps to either side of me, the kitchen wasn't that big and it limited my range of motion. I wrung my hands as I walked, the words just spilling from my mouth.

"God, I am so fucked up. I just I wish it had never happened, I wish there was a way to make myself forget. I hate it. I hate the nightmares, and the controlling everything I say, and watching every move I make." I stopped, looking back at John.

"You know I find myself analyzing every word that comes out of everyone's mouths, because I'm scared that they'll say the wrong thing and I might flip out and go bat shit crazy on them. Jesus Christ I have freaking Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and I'm not even twenty four years old yet. I am so damaged." I felt winded and red in the face, but at least I wasn't crying anymore.

John had leaned a hip against the rickety dining table and remained still, just eerily watching me. He was entirely silent. Just letting me vent. When he did speak, it was with a gentleness that belied his tough exterior.

"I came back from my first tour in Nam, and I remember that every time a car backfired, I felt like I was going to leap up and run for cover. Every time a door slammed shut I was reaching for the butt of my glock. I was really and truly scared I was going to hurt someone." John paused scrubbing a hand over his face. He looked up at me and my heart melted at the conflicting emotions I found there, the fear, the guilt, the fake facade that had to be played to keep those who knew you the best from knowing you were hurting.

"I remember thinking who could possibly want me, I've brought too many demons with me. I dreaded the day when someone said the wrong thing to me and I snapped. I was a monster, I couldn't be trusted. I waited for the day when I would get so angry and upset that I'd hurt one of my children. Especially after what happened to Mary. It made it a million times worse. Now I knew there were things, real things to be afraid of in the dark." He sighed. I moved closer to him, wanting to provide this warrior with the same comfort he provided me, every time he was here, around me.

I was standing before John, looking up at him, his eyes were glittering strangely. It had never before occurred to me that he would fight back tears over anything. He took a deep breath and swallowed hard, needing to clear his throat. The movement drew my attention, and I watched his throat work almost convulsively.

I lifted my eyes needing to concentrate on something, anything else. John stepped in closer to me, searching my face, for what felt like the thousandth time that night. I could almost see the thoughts rushing through his brain at a million miles a minute.

"I'd want you. I have my own demons, and I know how to fight, you wouldn't hurt me." I said quietly with conviction, I knew it was true, John was practically a second father to me.

I heard his sharp intake of breath, and I looked up in time to see his eyes darken.

_Screw it my ass is going to wind up in Hell anyways,_ I thought as I reached up behind his neck, fisting my hands in his hair and pulling him down to my height. My lips tentatively touched his at first, just waiting to see whether or not he would pull back, or try and pull some fatherly bullshit, about well, him being old enough to be my dad, although my dad still had a few years on him.

I'd lost my nerve, something was wrong. I was getting absolutely no response. None. I knew it. _No one will ever want you, especially not him! _A vicious voice sounded in my head. I launched myself away from John as though I'd been burned. Like I was a demon and he was some kind of God gifted hunter created from pure holy water.

I could feel my face on fire. What the hell had I done. Dad was going to kill me when he found out! Dean, Beth, Sam. They were never going to speak to me again. I turned away heading for the stairs.

_That's it just distract yourself. Go have a shower, clean your room, maybe study for your damn licensing exam, do anything to leave him alone so he can get some sleep. Maybe he'll think the whole thing was some sort of creepy overload of adrenaline dream. _I practically flew to the base of the stairs, when John's arm came out of nowhere, gripping my arm tightly just above the elbow.

_"_Please John just let me go. I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking. I just reacted." I said struggling to keep my voice down. His hand on my arm was so tight, he was scaring me. He practically dragged me back into the kitchen kicking and screaming.

Fear was a living breathing entity in me now. I was terrified. _Oh god, no this is not going to freaking happen again._ My mind was in overdrive, all the scenarios, all the flashbacks running through my mind.

My breath left my lungs as my back met the wall of the kitchen; there was an ominous cracking noise. "John, please don't." I said begging.

"You're scared, you're scared I'll hurt you?" He said quietly. I nodded when he didn't move. His arms were caging me in, his body was pressed against mine, although not quite touching. I wanted nothing more than to sink into the floor and die. _It's because you're useless, you're sick, you're damaged. _

"Good!" He snarled. "Fight back! You're not useless, you're not damaged. You're a damn good warrior and I want you to know it." John's eyes were full of anger as he looked at me. Anger and self-loathing. And something else. Lust, no not quite, hunger. _Oh my freaking God! _My brain screamed at me.

At my hesitation, and my subconscious movement to press my body into his, John slammed his hand down on the side of the wall by my face. I flinched expecting him to strike me. "I said fight back!" He barked at me, in true Marine fashion.

Anger welled up inside of me. He was scaring the crap outta me. In my own home with my dad and his own children all sleeping upstairs. _Oh hell no this shit isn't happening again._

"Get the fuck off me you son of a bitch!" I snarled. Anger twisted my words, making me see red. John raised a hand, reaching out to try and touch my hair. I roughly shoved his hand away. His eyes darkened even more. He took the hand I'd just removed and placed it at the base of my throat.

He pressed one knee between my legs, opening my body to him. Then he leaned in, and kissed me. I responded almost immediately. One arm coming up to circle his neck, the other moving to the wrist he was attempting to wrap around my back. For a millisecond, I felt nothing. No pain, no anger, no fear. Then the hunger hit me. I poured everything I had into that kiss, although I had very little knowledge of what I was actually doing.

John responded, making a very sensual sound that sounded more like a growl than a moan. I felt a sharp tug on my bottom lip, then the sting started. A coppery, metallic taste filled my mouth. _Asshole bit me._ The voice in my head sighed almost contentedly. Then I remembered the fear he'd used to get me to this point.

I shoved him away from me. I couldn't get a proper stance to throw a really good right hook to his smug arrogant face, I settled for a quick jab to his jaw. Then I reached out and grabbed the hand that had been at my throat, flipping him to his back on the kitchen table. I pinned him down with my body, well tried to anyways. I ignored the fact that the old table groaned under our combined weight. I was unarmed, I'd left my own knife upstairs. John reacted quickly, bringing a knife to my throat. I responded in kind grabbing his own gun and bringing it up under his jaw.

"Easy does it now." He said calmly, his voice was pitched low and soothingly, as if he were talking to a wild animal.

"You ordered me to fight back." I said trying to calm my racing heart.

"I know I did sweetheart," He said his voice husky, turning my body into a liquid fire I hadn't felt in a long time. "But that is a loaded gun you have pointed at my head. Please tell me your finger isn't on the trigger." He said dropping his eyes trying to see the gun that was pressed under his jaw. He lowered the knife, sticking it back into the sheath inside his jeans. I lowered the gun, while my eyes followed the knife's progress. My mouth was watering, I swallowed conscientiously. I trailed my eyes up the rock hard abs that were mostly hidden by ace bandages.

He just watched me, watching him. He looked like he was hardly breathing. I leaned forward and for the third time that night, my lips met John's. Unlike our first try, or our second when our passion was fueled by fear, anger, and hunger. This kiss was sweet. Experimental, on my part. We just took our time exploring each others mouths.

Neither one of us heard the creaking groan of the table right before it crumbled under our weight. I looked up a little ashamed. John was laughing underneath me, cracking up, his whole body was shaking. I looked down at him and cocked an eyebrow, "How in the hell do you find any of this funny?" I demanded, refusing to give in to my own sick sense of humor.

"I probably find this just as funny as you do. Because in the history of my life, I've broken more pieces of furniture than I care to admit, however never have I broken anything because of a small woman who weighs maybe one thirty five soaking wet. And we've just totally trashed your kitchen." John's smile was catching.

I laughed along with him. "Oh god my dad's gonna kill me." I said with a goofy grin on my face.

John's smile faltered, ever so slightly. "What?" I asked concerned.

"Nothing." He said with a smile, sitting up on the remaining topside of the table. He kissed me lightly on the lips.

"Whoa." I said a little unsteady, as John got to his feet still holding me in his arms. I felt protected. Cared for.

"I'm not going to drop you." He said confidently, if not a little arrogantly so. Damn it was so easy to see where Dean got his charm and swagger from. I heard footsteps coming down the stairs, and realized daybreak had hit in the eastern windows.

I jumped down from John's arms and whirled into the library where I could gather my thoughts. _Holy shit this has been a weird night and if I wake up and find this was all a dream. It probably has been the best damn dream of my life._

I made my way out of the library and down the hall to the stairs. When I passed the opening into the kitchen, my dad was standing there in complete shock just staring at the kitchen table. John, had his back against the counter, staring at Dad. He cocked his eyebrow when he saw me, a small half smile quirking one side of his face.

"What in the hell did those kids do to my table?!" Dad exclaimed. I turned and crept up the stairs like a thief.

I made it back to my room without incident, then I grabbed some clothes to change into. In the bathroom I stared at myself for a long while. I still looked like me. Nicole Singer. Nothing had outwardly changed other than a bruise on my elbow and my lip seemed a little puffy in the middle. But this was the first time in a long time I could look at myself and be content with the face in the mirror.

I felt alive. I felt like a normal girl, fresh out of college. I felt like I had some small glimmer of future for myself. For once I didn't regret the day before it began.

I ran a brush through my light brown, practically blonde curls and pulled it back into a ponytail. Then I stepped out of the bathroom. Raised voices greeted me from behind the closed spare room.

"Dammit Beth! Why do you always do this?" Dean said loudly, his words only partially muffled by the door. I crept closer and listened.

"Do what Dean?" Beth's voice echoed back at me, and I grimaced. They'd been fighting a lot lately.

"Push me away! You're hot, you're cold, just make up your damn mind!" I frowned at those words, these guys were really on the brink here, I bit my lip, flinching at the sensation having forgotten John had already done that to me.

"You know we can't," Beth said, her voice so faint I almost didn't catch it. "I didn't mean it..."

"Yeah, you never do!" Dean said, yanking the door open to find my startled expression looking back at him. He had a strange almost desperate expression on his face, and he walked past me without saying a word, crossing down to the bathroom where he slammed the door and then I heard the shower start up.

Beth was standing at the end of the bed, rummaging through her duffel bag, unpacking clothes. I decided to play it cool.

"Hey so how'd you sleep?" I asked with a _cat that ate the canary_ grin.

"Fine." She replied, but she wouldn't look at me, and when she turned around, to head to the bathroom, I saw her face was red from crying.

"I wouldn't if I were you." I said stopping her before she reached the door. "Dean just ran me over to get in there."

"Oh." Came Beth's cautious reply.

"Honey what were you two fighting about?" I poked the bear ever so lightly.

She was three years younger than me, but seemed a lot more sometimes. She and Dean were a disaster when they fought, and I felt myself saddened that John was so hard on them – forbidding a relationship, they were adults now, _and it was a little hypocritical of him _I thought.

Beth sank on to the bed and sighed. "I woke up, and Dean was wrapped around me like an octopus, and he was all turned on! And Sam was in the room!" She whisper screamed at me. Beth was never one for the dramatics but Dean was always a touchy subject for her.

I snorted, laughing. "An octopus, really is that the best you could come up with?" I asked laughing my way through the whole scene playing out in my head.

"No. You don't understand we're talking this number." She said, with a slight laugh. She forced me down onto the bed then rolled me, demonstrating the position. I was laughing like a damn hyena, apparently Dean had been all hands and legs – all _three legs _I might add.

Beth fell silent and I leaned on my elbow to look at her, she was lying on her back looking over at me. "I don't know why I do it to myself Cole," she admitted, looking sad. "I budge, just a little, and then our whole world shifts." She sat up, hugging her knees to her chest.

"What the hell happened up here last night?" I asked with a goofy smile on my face.

"We made out!" She whispered. "For ages!" She smiled, reminiscing on the night. "He was... wow just... God!" She threw herself back down on the bed, holding her hands over her face. She paused and rolled on to her side looking at me with miserable eyes. "Dad would kill us!"

Somehow I doubted John Winchester was giving much, if any thought to what his two wayward children were up to last night. I looked at her, dying to tell her about my own kiss last night, but I couldn't. John was her father, he was twice my age! What would she say? She was so devoted to John, she lived by his rules, she looked up to him so much. How could I shatter that image she had of him? How could I shatter that image she had of me?

"Tell me about the boner," I smirked, changing the subject, trying to lighten things up.

Beth groaned and lowered her voice glancing to the closed door. "That thing should be considered a weapon." She said snappily.

"Well in some instances they do consider it a weapon." I said sobering. I shook my head to clear it of all the nonsense, bull crap that I was not going to think about.

She glanced at me somberly. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to.."

"Don't worry about it." I said quietly. Beth had known about my secret practically since the day it happened. Once we'd been alone together I'd told her about it, sparing her the gory details. But obviously she had to notice something was wrong with me.

"Enough of this boring talk. Let's go get some breakfast." She said smacking my leg. I cracked a smile at her.

We were making our way to the stairs when I began the conversation of the morning wood again. "So what did it feel like?" I whispered to her with a conspiratorial grin.

"It felt almost like someone had a .45 Smith and Wesson shoved in the small of my back." I snorted, laughing. Beth was probably the only person who would compare a man's boner to a gun. "And it's not the first time it's happened!" I remembered her telling me about when they'd gone on a hunt in Philadelphia with Jefferson, when John had been laid up with a broken ankle. She and Dean had connected on a very different level, if I thought about it, that had been the beginning of all this fighting and angst for the last few years.

"At least you know he's big." I said with a wink. The bathroom door opened as we reached it and Dean strode out, only in a pair of jeans, with his bare chest still damp. Beth looked away as he passed and he sighed a little angrily.

"Damn girl you are gonna be so lucky one day." I said with quiet conviction. Beth and Dean Winchester were made for each other, John just had to figure it out before Beth threw everything away trying to please him.

Sam was coming down the hall from the other direction, and he bumped into the fuming Dean as they reached the spare bedroom. Dean shoved him into the room and Sam shoved him back.

"Don't push me today Sammy!" Dean threatened. There was a retort from Sam and then it was on for young and old with them as they scuffled, wrestling around in the room, banging against the wall.

"Shove off Dean!" Sam said angrily, "you are such an ass lately!"

Dean and Sam came barreling out of room, pushing past us on the landing. Beth trailed after them with a sigh, I hung back. No way did I want to be the first one through that door, however they had no idea of the mess that awaited them in the kitchen.

When I finally made it down the stairs Dean and Beth had stopped and were staring at the kitchen. The busted kitchen table in large chunks of wood, the chairs still standing in the same place as they were when the table was above them.

Sam had turned from the table and was staring at the large crack in the wall, running halfway up the wall, with a crater in the center.

"What the hell did you two do to my kitchen you morons?!" Dad yelled rounding on them. I bit my lip and dropped my head. Best not to intervene to early, let him blow off some steam. _Chicken. _My brain scolded me.

"Uh, Bobby we seriously have no idea what you're talking about." Dean clarified.

Dad snorted in disbelief. "The last time anything in this house was broken, it was because the two of you were fighting. Now I have a massive crater in my wall, and I have to go see if I can't rustle up a new table." He said gruffly.

"Man look the last thing I remember is Cole giving me that pain pill, and stitching up my face. Then Beth and I made it up the stairs and into bed..." He paused looking over at Beth. "I was out like a light," he lied, looking over at his father. "Although I do remember at some point you stole the covers. Then kicked them off the bed." Dean said with a sideways glance at Beth.

"Oh give me a break Dean, everyone here knows you're the cover hog!" Beth muttered angrily. Dean looked at her, his eyes conflicted.

John moved past me, quietly clearing his throat and heading for the coffee. I forced my eyes to the floor, wouldn't do any good for either of us if I watched him like a love struck schoolgirl.

"Actually Bobby it's my fault." He said after a sip of coffee. "Cole and I were talking about fighting techniques. I opened my mouth and dared to do something that my already sore ribs are so regretting now." He gaze was fixed on the bruise above my elbow. "And she proved me wrong, came up fighting like a damn tiger, fighting for her own survival. I'll replace your table and fix the wall." He said with a small smile.

My dad's face lit up like a child on Christmas morning. "Of course, she came up all teeth and claws. She was raised right, a warrior. At least I'll never have to worry about some asshole hurting my little girl, hell I'd bet she could fend off a dozen of Sam and Dean single handedly." Dad said in a rush, some serious pride and joy in his voice.

I swallowed aware of John and also Beth's eyes boring holes into me. I raised my head tossing my hair back over my shoulder and giving my dad my best I am such a badass smirk. I made sure I played up to the impression of preening under my father's praise when I felt like doing nothing but crawling into bed under the covers and crying myself into a dozen nightmares.

Beth's voice surprised me, filling the quiet space. She sounded so serene, but I could sense the underlying self-loathing she was trying to convey to me. "We all have our moments of weakness." I turned my head ever so slightly and caught her eye. She was looking at me somberly.

I made sure to roll my eyes at her comment. "Yeah well it hasn't happened to me yet, so when it finally does I'll be sure to let you know." I turned going out of the kitchen, passing Beth I mouthed, "Thanks for the support. Love you." She simply smiled at me as I passed.

"I'm gonna go get in a work out. See you guys later." I exited the house moving down the rows in the salvage yard until I came to the garage where my dad and I had set up a place for me to work out.

I didn't even bother with gloves, going straight to the punching bag. Rage was starting to boil in me as I recalled my dad's words. _If I could fight off a dozen Sam and Dean's why the hell couldn't I fight off Ian. Because you're weak. _That irritating fucking voice in my head answered.

I threw several punches, and landed a kick to my bag.

_I am not weak_, I argued with the voice in my head. _I am a hunter, trained by two of the best men in the business._

_Then why the fuck didn't you stop those pricks from hurting you. _My alter ego nagged.

_I thought he loved me. I didn't think he'd let them hurt me. I trusted him. _I answered trying to justify my actions and at the same time hating myself even more. _And the minute you found out you couldn't trust him you should have fought them off, but you just laid there and took it you wanted it. You got off on it. _My punches and kicks were losing their form the more pissed off I got. They were raining down on the bag with more frequency, more intensity than I'd ever used.

All of a sudden it wasn't enough, I needed something more, I needed to cause damage to something, anything. I looked wildly around me finding a crowbar laying on an old work bench. I picked up the crowbar and swung it at the bench. The cracks were loud in the silence. I kept hitting until there was hole forming in the bench, the wood was bowing in half.

Even that wasn't gratifying enough. I threw the crowbar back towards the punching bag, with all the energy I could muster. I raised my clenched fist, intending to put it threw the wood.

I never even saw him enter the garage. All of a sudden he was just there. John had inserted himself between me and the table, grabbing my raised fist and exerting enough pressure that I couldn't take the hit.

"I'm not going to let you hurt yourself!" He said firmly.

I snarled, the sound ripped from my throat. _How dare he. _I raised my left hand intending to slap him. I wanted to claw and rake at his face. The voice in my head supplied, _fuck him up. _The resounding slap was loud in the midst of my anger and rage. He never even tried to block it. That fueled my anger even more. I punched him repeatedly in the chest and stomach, ignoring his flinches when I landed a blow near his bruised ribs. He never once blocked any of them.

His words had brought me back to another time he had used them, three months ago.

_"I'm not going to let you hurt yourself." He said firmly, gripping the hand that had the razor in it. _

_"Why the fuck would you care!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. Not giving a damn who heard us in my dorm. "Why does it matter what I do anymore, I'm broken and I can't be fixed. I'm damaged goods. Just let me die! It's not like anyone will ever want me." I screamed, hurting beyond belief._

_An unreadable expression crossed his face. He took a step forward, and wrenched my head back, his lips meeting mine like a man starving for food. He didn't ask, he didn't question, he just took what he wanted from me. The hand holding my wrist slipped the razor from my grasp and in that moment I didn't care. A hot flash fire burn had started in the pit of my stomach, spreading it's way outward. _

_His lips broke from mine and I started at the loss. He was kissing his way down my neck, his beard scratching and fanning the flames of an arousal I didn't know I had. He took my hand and pressed it into the massive bulge in the front of his jeans. "I want you." He growled in my ear. _

_And in that moment I believed him._

* * *

**Author's Notes**

The song used for the beginning of this chapter is Stand in the Rain by Superchic[k].

* * *

I want to give a huge thank you to Belladonna78. Boy was it a good decision when I reviewed your story! She and I are working collaboratively on this story and her own, so updates may space out a little longer. She's borrowing my character for her story and as she mentioned Beth is featured here. Thank you so much Belladonna78!

* * *

Please Read and Review!


	2. Obsession

_I want you (To want me)  
I want you (To need me)  
I want you  
To hear my confession_

_I want to be your Obsession  
I want to be your Obsession_

_Whoa  
Whoa  
Whoa_

_Obsession_

* * *

We hit the wall with a crash, not unlike last night, only the anger was gone. He slid his hands up to my face grasping it on either side. I was in a hurry, I wanted things fast, to be consumed so much so that I forgot the memories plaguing me. John had other ideas, he slowed the kiss, pulling back ever so slightly. I tried to push myself into him, seeking to deepen the kiss; he pulled away completely, smiling down at me. I gave a small sigh at the loss of contact.

"So impatient." He teased with a small smirk.

"Such a tease." I said, pouting. He leaned in and bit my bottom lip, not as hard as he had last night just enough for me to gasp at the light sting and crave more. He ran his tongue over the welt he'd made, almost possessively.

"Hey Cole?" Beth's voice called out to me, startling us apart.

"What the heck are you doing out here? Your dad's bitching about his table. He wants us to go shopping pronto." Beth called out again. John raised his head, then lowered to me again almost in one movement, claiming my mouth a second time.

Beth rounded the corner and without missing a beat John backed up a pace or two; I held out my hand expectantly.

"What?" He asked looking down at me, cocking an eyebrow.

"Uh, I do believe you offered to replace the table, that means cough up the dough sugar daddy." I said, a wicked smirk crossing my face. _What a turn on. _

I grinned at Beth as she entered the shed while John pulled out his credit card, and handed it to me. It had the usual fake name on it, this one was _Henry Jones _and I smirked, only John would reference the adventurous Indiana Jones in such a way. Beth smiled lightly at me. John held on to the card as I grabbed it, his fingers brushing against mine and sending a shiver all the way up my arm. "Try to keep it under a thousand this time," John said gruffly. "_I mean it girls, _the last time the two of you got ahold of my card you maxed it out on a shopping spree."

"Sorry Dad, but we're not the boys, we need more than a couple of pairs of jeans and a plaid shirt to get by in the world." Beth said with an apologetic smile.

"Yeah with all those crazy undercover outfits, panty lines are a real problem." I said, unable to give up the teasing nature that had suddenly lifted my mood.

John just shook his head at us. "Whatever, you two just get outta here. Oh and take the boys with you." He said waving us away.

I turned away from him grabbing Beth's arm and walking with her back to the house. "Just let me grab a quick shower, and change into some jeans and a shirt; then we'll get Sam and Dean and go. Maybe we could stop for some lunch?" Beth nodded, agreeing with me.

Once we hit the house, Beth disentangled herself from me, heading to the stairs and into the spare bedroom. I made my way up the other flight of stairs to my attic bedroom, grabbed some fresh clothes then back down to the second floor bathroom.

I stepped under the water, closing my eyes and willing my muscles to relax from my horrible rage fueled workout. Sighing, the hot spray rolled down over my shoulders; I felt the tension drain from my body as the water ran down my back and through my hair. I shifted and stretched, gratefully receiving some relief for my tired, achy neck.

I turned as the curtain was pulled back. My breath hitched in my throat at the perfection that was standing before me. My eyes trailed hungrily over thescars that marred his skin dissecting his chest and lower abdomen; lower still his thighs and calves weren't even untouched. My mouth felt unbelievably dry, and I swallowed painfully, licking my lips.

"Turn around." He commanded, his voice amazingly gentle. I obeyed without question, trusting he would never hurt me. I shivered as I felt his strong arms close in around me. My breathing quickened.

He took his time, memorizing every contour of my body. Ghosting his hands over my abdomen, reaching up to cup both breasts. He ran the back of his hand down the line of my body, the lightest of touches, until he reached the tight nest of curls between my legs. I gasped softly as his experienced thumb worked my clit and a finger teased my entrance. I rocked my hips forward as he inserted one finger.

Leaning forward I bracing my hand on the wall of the shower. John had splayed his other hand on my abdomen, and instead of allowing me to keep my position, he pulled me back into his body, supporting me. He kissed my neck, his beard scratching the sensitive skin and I bucked into his hand the more he worked me. _God I'm so close. _I could feel his erection grinding into my back, his own hips meeting mine as he sought friction. I moaned quietly at the sensation. John's hand came up to cover my mouth, so no one would hear me.

The water turned frigid and icy cold, as I moaned against John's hand, the sound loud in the small confines of the bathroom. Suddenly there was a loud insistent banging on the door! I jumped, the daydream shattering and bringing me back into the moment.

"Cole, come on I need you to hurry up!" Sam said to me through the door. I was still riding out my self-induced orgasm, as quietly as I could.

"Are you okay?" He asked in a concerned voice, hearing me.

"Uh, yeah." I stammered. Apparently I hadn't been as quiet as I'd thought. "I'm just having some really bad cramping." I offered as an explanation. _Shit. That man is going to be the death of me! _

I stepped out of the shower as soon as I could trust my legs to work right and grabbed a towel. Wrapping it around my body. "Too much information, and hurry it up!" Sam's voice said again, knocking on the door.

"Dammit if you don't back off. What do you want me to just walk naked through a house full of men!" I exclaimed huffily.

"Sam, let her finish her shower." John's voice carried through the door.

At the sound my body gave another strong ripple of heat and tingled expectantly. A flood of warmth trickled down my thigh. _Fuck!_

I turned around, grabbed my clothes, and secured my towel tighter around myself. I reached for the handle and strode out into the hallway.

"There, you satisfied?" I snapped at Sam. His jaw was slack as he gave me a quick once over. A furious blush started up his neck, and he rushed past me into the bathroom, shutting the door with a bang.

"Are you satisfied?" John asked with a cheeky grin, his voice pitched low so Sam couldn't hear him. He stepped closer, edging me up to the wall. His gaze had taken on a hungry predatory quality that sent another rush of electricity to my core.

"Not nearly enough, but it'll have to do for now." I teased, a smile coming over my face.

John's eyes were grazing my body, following a drop of water that trailed down the valley between my breasts. He took another subconscious step forward.

_Now might be a good time to leave, _I decided; before we wound up fucking outside the second floor bathroom. I stepped to the side out of his way, turned on my heel and walked toward the stairs, smirking to myself as I thought about the look in John's eyes.

* * *

Table shopping, as it turned out, wasn't as boring as one might have expected it to be. But then, taking the Winchesters anywhere was sometimes like travelling with a three-ring circus, they made their own fun, a habit from being in each other's company for 24 hours a day and on the road all the time. They didn't have a lot of time for other people or friendships outside of the immediate family, so there was a unique chaos that surrounded them, their quirky sense of humors, and the incessant teasing that was a constant banter between the three siblings.

Right this instance Dean and Beth were staring at a six-seater round kitchen table, hands to their chins, assessing the weight limit of the table.

"Well it's gotta be stronger than what he had, but you know...we should make sure," Dean said with a raised eyebrow. He'd been in a better mood once we left the scene of the crime, namely the spare bedroom – the night's activities seemed to be bothering most of the people who were staying at Dad's right now. We were all on edge, even Sam, but out of everyone I had no idea what his issue was.

Beth's eyes narrowed as she looked over at me. "What exactly were you and Dad _doing _on the table last night?" She asked, her brow creasing a little.

"Yeah Cole," Dean chimed in. "Give us a demo, I want to see the move that brought the unstoppable John Winchester to the floor."

I chuckled and shook my head. Beth's look made me a little uncomfortable, it was almost as if she suspected something. Dean on the other hand was always out to best his old man.

"Keep dreaming Dean, you're gonna have to work harder than that to get me on top of you," I quipped with a cheeky smile. Dean gulped.

"Is that right?" He said thoughtfully before looking over at Beth. "What about you?" He said and she turned her scrutiny to Dean.

"You looking to get your ass kicked?" She questioned him with a bit of a glare.

"Cherry-pie if you can put me through that table then, and only then, would I consider that an ass kicking," Dean challenged and Beth scowled, storming off toward the other end of the store.

"What did I say?" Dean asked, throwing his hands in the air.

I stepped up and hit him upside the head. "Dick!" He looked confused for a minute or two and then that cheeky look returned to his face.

"Well, we can always test the table in other ways!" He said with a chuckle, and climbed up to stand astride the table of choice.

He started belting out Marvin Gaye's _Sexual Healing, _which was playing over the store's speakers, ignoring the looks we were getting.

Dean apparently had caught the eye of the young woman behind the counter. She was a pretty young girl maybe about Sammy's age, with dark hair and eyes. The similarity to Beth wasn't lost on me when I caught Dean winking at her.

She had gravitated nearer to the table when Dean started singing and dancing.

Dean, took off the button down plaid shirt he was wearing over his t-shirt and swung it over his head like a cowboy. He appeared to be enjoying the attention we were giving him way too much.

"_Baaaaaaby! I need sexual..._." Dean's singing was interrupted.

"Dean!" Beth said urgently coming back to him, casting a wary look around the store, "get down from there!"

He slid to his knees on the table in front of her with stern eyes and cocked an eyebrow. "Make me," he said with a grin, then turned to the sales girl who was staring all googly-eyed at him, taking her hand and slipping an arm around her waist, pulling her up on to the table with him. He lifted her easily, the Winchesters weren't known for being weaklings, and she gasped delightedly at the sudden attention.

"Hey, I'm Dean," he said with his heart melting smile.

"I'm... I'm Stacey," the girl said, and Dean spun her around to face him, starting to sway back and forth on the table.

"_Baby I got sick this morning, A sea was storming inside of me... Baby I think I'm capsizing, The waves are rising and rising..." _Dean took up his impromptu performance again, Stacey blushed and giggled. Beth crossed her arms and watched, I noticed that even though all his attention seemed to be on the girl with him, Dean's eyes never actually left Beth; he was goading her, a challenge behind his actions.

Sam came up and bumped shoulders with me, scowling at his brother who was for all intents and purposes making an ass of us all.

"He is such a dick!" Sam muttered, shaking his head.

I smirked and nodded at him. "Yep," I agreed.

Stacey spotted the manager looking over and gesturing, and she quickly pulled away, sliding off the table, throwing Dean an apologetic look. Dean shrugged and moved to gyrate his hips at the edge of the table; Beth smirked and reached up to grab him by his waistband, raising an eyebrow.

He stopped momentarily, looking down at her with dark eyes before pulling her up on to the table with him, hands on her hips. Without missing a beat, she whipped out a couple of dollar bills, brandishing them in the air, sliding her hand along his abs to tuck them into his waistband. I laughed and cheered at that and Sam even chuckled.

"Woo!" I called out, "take it all off baby!" Dean grinned and pulled at the hem of Beth's shirt.

"Ladies first," he said.

Beth smirked. "Make me," she challenged and Dean's smile faltered, eyes growing hard. His hands circled around under her shirt and I froze as the air grew thick with tension.

Suddenly Beth swept her leg around the back of Dean's and he landed with a crash on the surface of the table. She pinned him to the wood, breathing hard as she leaned over him, her face just inches from him.

"Beth!" Sam called out, startling as the manager reached the edge of the table.

"Excuse me," the manager said to the pair of idiots now wrestling on the table. "I'm going to have to ask you to get down off the table, please."

"Yeah, yeah Kemosabe... hold your horses," Dean said, still staring at Beth. Sam was pacing with a scowl on his face, running a hand through his hair.

Beth tilted her head to the side and grinned at Dean. "Pass your test?"

Dean licked his lips, and I didn't miss the subtle stroke of his fingers along the bare skin at her side. "Yeah... yeah I think it might have," he said huskily.

I grinned and stepped up to the table brandishing John's credit card. "Hey, nice strong table, we'll take it," I said to the manager. "Don't suppose you'll throw in free delivery and a set of steak knives?"

* * *

_**Bobby's House**_

_**Dinner**_

We were all seated around the new table enjoying of all things, pizza.

There wasn't a whole huge amount of talking going on as everyone was stuffing their faces. Sam spoke up cautiously. "Uh, Bobby, there uh hasn't been any mail coming here for me has there?"

"Now that you mention it you did get a big official looking packet. From Stanford." Dad said.

The air suddenly seemed charged with electricity. My pizza had just become the most interesting thing in the world, and I chewed thoughtfully while I waited for the other shoe to drop.

"Why would you be getting a package from Stanford?" John asked his voice low and quiet, not quite angry but it was coming.

"Because I applied to their pre-law program." Sam said quietly. Dean gaped at him, shocked. Beth looked unsurprised, but said nothing.

John on the other hand looked furious. "And what about hunting? Are you just going to walk away from us? Your family needs you Sam." He snapped.

"Hey John, hunting doesn't necessarily have to be the only game in town," My dad said, coming to Sammy's defense. "Look at Cole and how well she's handled hunting and going to school. It was probably one of the best things that's happened to her." Dad said hoping to help Sam out.

I lowered my gaze to the table. I didn't think that using that argument on John was going to hold a lot of weight. He knew things my Dad didn't. Like how a simple college party could turn wrong in an instant, ruining everything else you'd ever worked toward. It also overshadowed all the good things, it ruined everything. Going away to college hadn't exactly been the best thing that had ever happened to me. Of course my Dad didn't know that, but John did.

John simply sighed, "We'll talk about this later." Letting the issue drop for the moment. His words took on a double meaning as John glanced at me, noting how my knuckles had turned white on my bottle of water.

I made a conscious effort to relax myself taking a few deep breaths and pushing the memories that had seemed so far away for most of the day into the dark recesses of my mind.

Everyone was tense now not knowing what to say or do. John was glaring at me like it was my fault Sam decided to go to college. Like I was the one who talked him into leaving the safety of his family.

Now was the perfect time for some humor.

I cleared my throat. "So, ahem. Apparently Dean has decided he would like a career change too." I said cheekily, with a shit eating grin on my face. "Although his career change will require much less schooling." I said confidently.

John glared at me. "Really?" He asked sullenly, not taking the bait like I'd hoped.

Dean shot me an incredulous _'are you trying to get me murdered'_ look. He glanced back at his dad apologetically.

Beth, my partner in crime, chimed in with. "Yeah he's decided it's his lifelong aspiration to be a table dancing stripper." She said with a wicked smirk at Dean who was glancing at his father apprehensively.

A slow grin stretched across John's handsome features. "You used my credit card to pay for a stripper?" He said glancing at me, raising an eyebrow. Of course he would think I'd done it. I was the wild child. Not Dean.

"Do I look stupid?" I asked, suddenly. "Stripper's won't take anything but cold hard cash. So Beth paid for Dean's little show, not much mind you, he's a cheap ho. I used your credit card to pay for the tetanus shot." I said jokingly, waiting.

Everyone burst out laughing at the same time.

"Of course, Dean you really need to watch out for those metal poles." Dad said still chuckling.

_I felt safe, warm, loved. His kisses were sweet, kind, soft, not expecting anything. I heard the door open. I tried to pull away but Ian had a hard hold on my upper arms. "Don't worry about it." He said reassuringly. I believed him, after all he'd never let anything happen to me, right?_

_I felt a hand brush down my hair. Ian still held both of my arms. I jerked my mouth from his. I looked around over my right shoulder, Jace was standing behind me. He saw me looking at him and smiled. "Baby we're gonna make you feel so damn good." He said enthusiastically. _

_Payden was standing on the other side of Ian and I. He said nothing just stared at me. _

"_Shhh. It's ok baby they just wanna watch." Ian said. _

"_No." I said forcefully no way in hell was I gonna let two men watch me have sex with my boyfriend. _

"_This is not up to you." He snapped. _

"_Like hell it's not up to me!" I felt a sharp stinging blow as the skin on my cheek opened up._

_Then two sets of hands were grabbing me. Lifting me up and forcing me back onto the bed._

"_What the hell are you doing? Let me go!" I yelled._

"_It's ok baby, you make us feel good, we'll make you feel good." I choked back bile. There was nothing I could do to stop this. Jase held down my right arm and calf, Payden had my left. _

"_No. No. No, no, no, no." That was when the tears came. _

"_Cole." Ian moaned into my ear. _

"Cole sweetie you gotta wake up. Cole? God dammit wake the heck up!" My eyes snapped open as Beth was shaking me. I was in bed at home where I was safe. I wasn't back at school.

It was then I realized I was shaking, and my face was wet. I'd been crying in my sleep.

"What happened?" I asked Beth my voice was raspy.

"You were just having a bad dream, a nightmare." She said trying to comfort me.

"It wasn't just a nightmare. I see it all the time. Like a constant shitty loop playing over and over in my head. And there's nothing I can do about any of it. And the only time I feel like I even have a little bit of comfort is when…" I trailed off looking guiltily at Beth. No way in hell was I gonna tell her about me and John. She would freak out.

"When you're with Dad?" Beth finished for me looking at me with a knowing expression on her face.

I tried and failed to pull off a shocked and innocent expression.

Beth saw right through it and smiled. "I found out this morning," she said.

I glanced at her guiltily.

"I saw you guys in the gym," she said in offer of an explanation. Her expression was guarded and she was clearly choosing her words very carefully.

"I have to say, I'm a bit hurt you didn't tell me sooner," she said looking at me sadly, then she started to realise a few home truths. "At the same time, _I cannot believe _that he has been riding Dean and me so hard! Do you know how much we've struggled to keep to his rules? Oh my god! All this time I've been pushing him away … and … and …" she shook her head, running her hands across her face.

"I'm sorry Beth," I said quietly, chewing on my lower lip.

She sighed. "You're my sister, and I love you. I want to see you happy, and I want to see him happy. Whether I like it or not, both of your demons are less exaggerated when you're together." One thing about Beth, she forgave easily. She'd clearly been giving this a bit of thought throughout the day.

I smiled a small smile at that. "So can I ask you something?" Beth said quietly. "Although I may not want to know the answer..." She said with a quick smile.

"Shoot." I said, warily. Million dollar question, here it comes.

"How long have you guys been together? Really?" She asked cautiously.

"We've been together since, May, 18th." I said judging her reaction. I'd told Beth about my assault, or at least that I was assaulted the next time I had seen her, which had been June 4th.

Her eyes widened in disbelief. "You guys were together not even a month after you got assaulted, Cole what the hell were you thinking!" She chastised me.

I ducked my head avoiding her gaze. "Beth, I needed him in that time. I couldn't call my father. My God could you imagine how much this would destroy him if he found out I was raped?!" I said tears falling.

Beth looked uncomfortable but remained silent allowing me to finish.

"That his precious, strong daughter was overpowered by a couple of humans. I felt like no one would ever want me, like I'm damaged goods, and John shows me every time he sees me how far off the path I've gotten, how wrong I am. He makes me feel safe, cared for, protected." I brushed a hand over my face, wiping away the tears.

She nodded I could tell she didn't understand, not really, but who would? Hell most days I barely understood what was happening.

"Can I ask you another question?" She said smiling a little more carefree this time.

"Shoot." I replied.

"What were you guys really doing on the kitchen table?"

I smirked. "We, uh, weren't exactly fighting. If that helps any. Well okay, mostly we weren't fighting." I said sheepishly not really wanting to answer. After all this was her dad and I was only a few years older than her.

"Oh, no ma'am. You are not getting out of this one that easily. I tell you everything Dean and I do. Spill the damn details." She said glaring half-heartedly at me. I gave in, chewing on my lip. I found it funny that given Dean and Beth had been "not" having a relationship, they still managed to do plenty that Beth relayed to me on a regular basis. They were like a geyser, building up pressure until they couldn't take any more, then it was a stolen moment here or there, nothing more than a few kisses usually, and it released the pressure so they could go back to following John's rules.

"So I kinda had a rough night last night. And it all started with a kiss," I paused to check she really wanted to hear this, Beth was nodding away. "Then we got into a fight, this is where we broke the wall… don't ask!" Beth giggled. "I flipped him onto the table he pulled a knife on me, so I pulled his own gun on him," I chuckled, thinking about it. "We ended up making out on the table before it collapsed under us – you know the results of that." I grimaced. "And then we had another fight out in the gym, and finally another kiss, which I'm guessing is the one that you saw." I glanced at Beth and she nodded in the affirmative.

"You guys were fighting?" Beth asked.

"No. Not really we were…..uhm taking our frustrations out on each other." I said with a blush coloring my cheeks. Thank God it was dark in the room.

Beth looked at me and chuckled. "Well that explains all the things I've noticed when you two are around each other, you both are tense, moody, and you gravitate towards each other. It's all sexual tension." She said with a laugh. "Trust me, Dean and I have that going too." She said somberly.

I rolled over onto my back and just stared at the ceiling. Beside me Beth yawned and rolled towards me.

"I'm gonna try and get some sleep now, unless you need me to talk some more." Beth said drowsily.

"Nah hon, I'm good, you get some sleep, I'm gonna get dressed and try to put in a work out." I said. I felt edgy, and restless; the remnants of my nightmare still too close.

I turned on a light while Beth groaned and rolled over, pulling her pillow over her eyes. I pulled on some clothes and slipped into my tennis shoes, then made for the door, turning off the light at the wall.

I made my way out of the house, no one else was up. Good. I needed a nice long workout. As I got closer to the gym, the lights were on.

Hmm. _That's weird, I didn't leave them on_. When I reached the shed, I could see John moving around the boxing bag throwing punch after punch and landing a few well-placed kicks.

I simply stood quietly, not wanting to disturb him. He seemed tense and edgy, a mood that was a perfect combination to work off some frustration, I would know.

I moved into the shed, sitting on the small couch that was present, watching and absorbing techniques, all thoughts of burning through my own aggression were gone as I watched John circling the bag, pounding the hell out of it.

When he finally quit and turned towards me, he seemed a bit more relaxed.

"I didn't know anyone was up." He said breathlessly, frowning a bit.

"Neither did I." Came my reply. "I couldn't sleep so I decided to come out here and beat down my own demons. Looks like you beat me to it." I said with a wry grin.

John moved to stand in front of me, crossing his arms and looking down at me with a concerned expression, he cocked his head to the side. "Do you wanna talk about it?" He asked quietly.

"No I'd rather not, it's the same old crap, I'd rather just beat the hell outta something." I said honestly.

John spread his arms wide. "Well let's go then buttercup." He said with a cocky grin on his face.

"Please old man, I'd hate to hurt you. Don't you think you need a rest?" I taunted him with a grin.

"Excuse me young lady I'll bet I can take you on with one hand behind my back." He said arrogantly.

I simply raised an eyebrow in disbelief. I crossed over to the stereo to get some music playing. This epic fight was gonna need a soundtrack. I chose Linkin Park's _Numb_.

"Okay," I said turning back to him. "If you win, and take me with one hand behind your back, what's your prize?" I asked. This sounds like it's gonna be fun.

"A kiss." He said simply.

"Game on."

I put up both hands, while he held up one hand, his left. I knew from experience he was a right hander. No way was I losing.

I darted forward throwing a right handed punch which he blocked, then a left jab which was also blocked. He caught me unaware bringing his left hand down and around into my ribs, the sting from it caused me to groan ever so slightly.

"Come on sweetheart you may actually lose this fight," He taunted me with a grin beckoning me to attack again.

I couldn't help it if I felt a tiny bit wary.

He attacked me as I stepped up to him, forcing me to duck to avoid being punched in the face, coming around out of the dodge, he punched for me again. I grabbed his arm, disabling him. After all he could only use one hand.

"You sure you don't wanna even the odds?" I asked with a small chuckle.

"Sure why not?" He replied kicking my legs out from under me.

We met the mat, with John having the upper hand. I knew I'd been beat. I should have known it from the get go.

"You know if you wanted to be on top all you had to do was ask." I said cheekily knowing I'd been hustled. I shouldn't have been surprised after all it was John Winchester.

He gave a breathless laugh at my humor. "I don't ask for anything." He said before claiming my mouth in a hungry kiss.

I broke the kiss momentarily. "Do me a favor?" I asked, softly.

John simply grunted in response as he kissed his way down my neck.

"Don't bite my lip, I almost have it back to normal." I said, knowing that it probably wouldn't do any good, the man definitely had an oral fixation.

He grunted again in response, and I felt a light sting on my collarbone that made me gasp and arch my back into him.

He lifted his head and claimed my mouth again this time, nibbling lightly on my lip, dammit.

He kissed me thoroughly, starting a slow insidious burn in my bloodstream.

I broke the kiss. "I do think you've claimed your winnings."

"I'm going to claim a lot more than that." He had been holding his weight off of me, but he chose this moment to allow his body to blanket mine. I could feel the evidence of his arousal through his jeans.

I spread my legs wider to allow his hips to cradle within mine. I could already feel the throbbing heartbeat we were both craving, and as soon as I saw the smug smile across his face, I was sure he could feel my anticipation too.

He leaned in to kiss me again. "God, Nicole, I need you. I need you desperately, it's just too much." At his softly spoken plea, I raised my head to meet his lips.

As we parted I pulled my tank top off revealing the upper half of my body. John had pulled back slightly to watch me, his gaze darkening when he noticed I wasn't wearing a bra.

I toed out of my shoes and socks around the same moment, the only thing to go would be our pants. He grinned at me suddenly, his gaze hungry and predatory. He leaned down and captured one sensitive nipple between his lips.

I arched my back, bucking my hips up into his, God how did one get so talented, the things he could do with his mouth. I swear watching John Winchester lick his lips had to be the equivalent of finding the adult channel at 3AM.

As it was I buried my hands in his hair, having to put some effort into bringing his gaze to meet mine.

"I need you!" I said forcefully unable to stand it any longer, he ignored my plea and refastened his mouth to my nipple.

The tidal wave of heat that swept through me had me crying out his name, and clinging to him. At the pulsing ferocious need between the two of us, I felt his hips buck into mine. I was riding out the end waves of an orgasm that had come too soon and not quite hard enough, there was no way in hell we were done here.

John stood, holding me while I locked my ankles around his waist his experienced and steady hands were kneading and massaging my butt. I groaned and arched my back into him, his hard firm chest felt so deliciously good against my sore and aching breasts.

His long confident strides had us in front of the couch in no time. "Baby, I've got you I won't drop you." I moaned a response, kissing him again.

He nuzzled my neck. "I need you to unbutton my pants baby girl." He said urgently. "I won't drop you."

His voice was raw primal thread of sound. I dropped my hands from clutching at his back and shoulders, to the waistband on his jeans. I deftly opened his belt, then the button and zipper.

I was working to lower what I could on his jeans, not exactly in the best position to get them off. He lowered us both onto the couch, his own hands roaming my body reacquainting himself with every curve, every sensitive spot that would elicit a gasp, moan, growl, or thrust.

I lowered myself down his body pulling his boots and jeans off in one process, I wasn't planning on leaving his body again. Then my own shorts and panties came off.

I lowered myself back onto him, straddling him. His mouth roamed my body, every noise his hands could elicit from me his mouth could accomplish tenfold.

He lowered one hand between our bodies, testing my readiness, and groaned at the sensation of fluid flooding his fingers. His thumb circled my clit and I bucked into his hand crying out.

No this wasn't right, I mean it was good but I needed more. I made a small sound of protest. "No John I need you inside of me, I need you filling me, stretching me." At my own words and John's skilled fingers, my body melted into another orgasm. Before I even had time to ride out the delicious shockwaves plaguing me, John had removed his hand and repositioned me directly over his shaft.

He didn't even give me time to enjoy the sensation, before edging inside of me.

"Is this ok?" He asked me, his voice low and full of concern, I couldn't speak, barely nodding as he let me take control. I sank on to him, pushing myself and burying him to the hilt. My body milking and gripping John's pulled a low growl from his lips. "Fuck baby you're so damn tight. You feel so amazing."

I desperately tried to move my hips, seeking friction, but John held me fast, just allowing his body to stretch mine, allowing me to get reacquainted to the size and feel that was purely John.

My orgasm was dying down, and with it I felt the pure sensation of being spent. The feeling was almost painful, but I had to get over it. I hadn't done my job yet. I forced myself away from John, getting the friction we both so desperately needed.

I was trembling, the force of two orgasms nearly taking me down, but John was having none of that. He grasped my hips, guiding me along his length as I gripped the back of the couch behind him. John let me set the pace, the depth that was comfortable. I felt safe in his embrace, and I sank on to him with a shuddering sigh.

I watched his eyes darken as the friction between us grew - I slid on and off him in a rhythmic motion, never quite letting him leave me entirely. He lifted me just slightly to change the angle and I gasped as he hit a spot inside of me I'd never felt before, driving deep, it almost stopped me altogether, but at his insistent groan I kept moving.

His hips were thrusting into mine of their own accord, our bodies becoming more familiar with each other every time we were together.

I felt a more subtle edge start to build inside of me, and I shuddered deep and full-bodied. It was new, it was primal. A low growl escaped him as he felt my body clamping down around his for a second time.

His hand slipped between us again and his thumb found my clit, while his mouth lavished attention onto my nipple. The vibrations that were sent through my body had me gasping in delight.

His breathing started to quicken, his hands on my hips guiding me as I turned to jello, unable to do anything other than ride the wave. He'd let me have control up until now, but now he took over. I lavished him in kisses as he grunted and moaned my name. _Nicole. _It had such an erotic sound to it just on it's own.

His hips were thrusting to meet me, in an urgent and desperate motion. I felt him stiffen, he threw his head back against the couch, a long groan escaping his lips. I watched him, as he stiffened and thrust a few more times into me, the sound of his release tearing from his mouth.

He pulled me against him and buried his face in the crook of my neck, feeling my rapidly pounding pulse that was keeping time with our bodies. As I twitched around him, he growled again, his voice low and hoarse, a mere thread of primal need that had been temporarily sated.

I collapsed against him boneless, and limp; exhausted, happy, and finally ready to get some sleep.

Exhausted he leaned back onto the couch, while I curled in beside him my head resting on his chest. I closed my eyes, just absorbing the delicious hum flowing through my body. With a free hand he pulled the blanket down which was always on the back of the couch from when Beth came out here to read in the winter. It was scratchy, but it covered us and provided a nice cocoon to snuggle into.

"Get some sleep baby girl, no one should bother us out here for a few hours at least." His voice sounded raw and scratchy like it hadn't been used in a while. I snuggled further into his bare chest, my nightmares were now the absolute furthest thing from my mind. I sighed contentedly as I drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

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**Author's Notes**

Hey guys so I know it's been a few days. I'm still going strong on this story I promise.

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The song used here is Obsession by Sky Ferreira. It is really good and upbeat I just though it portrayed the feel was going for with this chapter really well! Anyone has any music suggestions or songs you might want to see featured let me know!

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Thank you to BellaDonna78 for her awesome Beta work and for helping me out when I got so bogged down in the details, I would get confused as to when and where to break up the chapter.

If anyone is confused as to who Beth is, I strongly recommend checking out both of her stories 1. Highway to Hell and also 2. All Hell Breaks Loose . They are phenomenal and if she hadn't written them I wouldn't have reviewed and now we are doing a full crossover into each other's universes.

She is already into her second story now, while I am just starting this "Prequel" for all intents and purposes. So if things kinda seem like they don't quite match anymore let us know so we can fix things. She should be going back soon to redo some chapter's where Cole may crop up, so stay tuned for those changes.

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I would also like to note, I love interacting with my readers, I especially like long reviews. So please feel free to tell me parts that you loved in a chapter, parts that you hated, if you were confused on something, maybe the way it was worded didn't quite sound right to you and you would like some clarification. I love to discuss plot points and new direction's the story could take. I will give you guys a slight spoiler the middle piece of this story is going to seem like a collection of one shots almost that do have a purpose in the bigger story we are trying to tell here so if anyone has any comments or suggestions about one shot scenes you would like to see, or any future hunts you really want to explore. Let me know I love interacting with my readers. Favoriting and Following are great but I LOVE to know what you guys hated, or loved what you thought seemed out of character, whether you think the story is getting too angsty, or too sappy.

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Please Read and Review!


	3. Kung Fu Fighting

_Everybody was Kung Fu fighting  
Those kicks were fast as lightning  
In fact it was a little bit frightning  
But they did it with expert timing_

_Kung Fu Fighting_

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Merlotte's was an old regular haunt of Dad's, it had good cheap beer, great nachos, enough space for people to spread out and play a bit of pool or darts, or just sit back and enjoy the live music sessions that were often taking place.

Beth had decided she was up for some dancing, and since it was her twenty-first birthday, and she was now _legally _allowed to drink, if she had a legal ID that was, she intended to make the most of it. Technically she'd been twenty-one for about three years according to her latest fake ID, but no one else knew that.

Officially Beth O'Malley wasn't even among the land of the living anymore, John having faked her death at the same time he made her father's death out to be a home invasion attack which killed him. For a dead girl, Beth sure was living it up tonight, she and Dean were currently at a table, reminiscent of Marion Ravenwood in _Indiana Jones _downing shots in a bizarre drinking game that Sam was refereeing.

Dad was watching the terrible trio with a disdainful look, his back to me as I leaned comfortably against John's side, my arms crossed, trying to look casual. The feel of his ripped arm pressed against me had the opposite effect; I found myself thinking too long and hard on the early morning's activities, and not enough on breathing.

John leaned in to speak into my ear, pretending like we were having a hard time hearing over the live DJ in the building. If his husky voice hadn't given away just how similarly he was feeling, his words certainly did. "I can't help but notice that there doesn't seem to be much under that top you're wearing..." he commented, turning an innocent grin to me. I raised my eyebrow and tossed him a quirky grin.

"Why John Winchester... I never knew you to be a fashion guru," I said with a laugh, and I took a sip of my drink, watching him swallow hard, hungry eyes meeting mine. "Less layers mean easier access for dark corners and dark deeds," I whispered suggestively in his ear. He grunted in reply and I shivered as I felt the lightest of touches brush along my lower back under the soft fabric of my sleeveless top, completely out of sight of the rest of our party who were absorbed in their games.

My attention was drawn to the bar where Terry, the bartender, had finished mixing up a couple of margaritas. Regular for me, blended strawberry for Beth. I grinned and stole away from John, winking at Terry who flashed me a grin from behind the bar.

"Save a spot on your dance card for me?" He said to me with a friendly smile. "Although doesn't look like you're short of suitors tonight," he grinned, wiping down the counter.

"Thanks Terry," I smiled, taking the drinks. "I'll keep you in mind!"

I turned with the large margarita glasses to face Beth. "Hey O'Malley!" She looked up from the drinking game, gnawing on her lip. I suddenly realised that the drinking game was basically a version of checkers using a scrounged up board from who knows where, but instead of checkers, they were using shot glasses – and there were the usual house rules in play when it came to the Winchesters. Each glass you jumped, you drank and put aside. Beth's side of the board was looking a lot more full than Dean's and I had to wonder whether he really was losing.

"Get this into you honey, I'm gonna sort out some dance music," I said, handing her the margarita in my hand. She nodded enthusiastically.

"Dean has to dance with me when I win," she said with a raised eyebrow. Sam snorted and shook his head, taking a sip from his own beer.

"Sugarpie, how many times do we have to play this for you to realise that _I do not lose _at this game?" Dean asked with a smirk.

"At least one more it seems," Sam said with a raised eyebrow and John chuckled, a rare smile on his face as he watched his kids having a little down time. Dad was looking incredulous at the amount of alcohol Beth had put away, and sighed.

"You idjits ought to be ashamed of yourselves, introducing this idiotic game to your sister." He said. Dean looked surprised.

"Bobby, who do you think made it up?" He asked with a laugh, looking pointedly at Beth who started to giggle.

Beth took a huge gulp of the margarita and let it slide down her throat with a satisfied moan. "Oh my god that is better than sex," she said, then looked up sharply, realising it wasn't just her and me in the room. All the men looked at her curiously, our sex lives kind of weren't something discussed in this tight knit group.

Dean jumped two of her shot glasses on the board, leaning forward with a gleam in his eye, downing one and then the other.

"Know something about that do you?" He asked so low that only Beth and I heard. His eyes were narrowed and he assessed Beth in front of him. We all knew he wasn't a virgin, sex god that he was, but Beth - that remained to be seen.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Beth asked coyly, taking another sip and cocking an eyebrow. I decided it was definitely time to change things up.

I laughed, taking my own margarita and weaving my way toward the back of the dance floor, eyes fixed on the DJ, a cheeky plan in my head. Beth and I had discussed how on earth we were going to manage to get a little birthday dance out of Dean for her, and this was stage one. Preferably stage one should happen before the inevitable final phase where Dean, or Sam if Dean was too plastered, would have to get her home to bed.

As the strains of _Dilemma _started playing over the speakers, I finished off my drink, and wove through the dancers on the floor. Dad and Sam were gone as soon Dad realised there was music happening. He had pulled Sam with him to play a game of pool in the back room across the far end of the bar.

John was at the bar, refreshing his beer and Beth was clinging to his arm, doing the pleading daughter thing.

"Pleeeeease! Come on, Dean won't, and it's your duty as a dad to dance with me for my birthday!" Beth said in a whiney voice, and John simply gave her a patient, but non-compliant smile.

"Bethie, you have plenty of guys here who would kill to dance with you tonight," John said with a grin.

"You mean, who you'd kill if they tried," I said, rounding them from the dance floor. "Give the girl a dance John Winchester. God knows she doesn't get to have this kind of fun all the time."

John sized me up, this little five foot five enigma before him, staring up and challenging him defiantly. He grunted, giving in and Beth clapped happily, slipping her arm through his.

Dean was taking a long chug of his beer, looking at little conflicted as Beth pulled John out on to the dance floor while at least three girls sidled up to him at the bar, hungry eyes on him. I smirked. Maybe this was gonna be easier than I thought.

"Yo precious." I said to Dean as I stepped over to him, I was grateful for my heels, they put me on a more level playing field with him. Dean threw me a curious look as I got in his space, our breaths mingled a little and I thought about kissing him, just to mess with his mind, but then I remembered John and Beth, and thought better of it. I was twenty-three years old, not twelve. I could behave like an adult. _If I wanted._

I took Dean by the hand and chuckled, dragging him up on to the dance floor. He growled and tried to hold back, but when he saw I wasn't taking no for an answer he sighed and gave in. Fortunately for me, he'd had a few drinks, having won the game with Beth while I was organising the DJ, and so was a little more pliable.

I slunk in next to Dean, sliding along his back and circling around as he looked uncomfortable. John, I noticed, had started to sway in rhythm to the beat and seemed to actually be enjoying himself, even if it wasn't his kind of music.

"Dean, stop being a stick in the mud! I know you can dance!" I said to him and he rolled his eyes. He smirked, and cocked an eyebrow. The song was beginning to finish, and it seemed he suddenly decided to make the most of it, sliding in behind me, his hands going to my hips as he leaned against my back, swaying to the beat. Determined not to be phased by his obvious attempt to make me uncomfortable, I ground my hips back into him, and he let out a short surprised gasp.

"Don't try and con a conwoman, Winchester," I said, sliding around and wrapping my arms around his neck. I leaned in close and breathed into his ear. "I know what you really want..." I teased and pulled back in time to see his eyes flick toward Beth. I grinned as the music finished and the new, much slower paced melody of _Drops of Jupiter _started playing over the speakers. "Tonight is your lucky night," I grinned at him, pulling away.

"That's your quota princess," John said to Beth who groaned in annoyance. John was a one-dance kind of man, but one couldn't say he didn't know how to move when he did hit the dance floor.

"What about me?" I asked, stepping up to slip my arm around Beth's waist, turning her toward Dean.

"What about you?" John asked, a smirk on his face.

"My quota hasn't been met," I quipped with a smile. "Here Dean, give your sister a dance would ya?" I said, giving her a playful shove into Dean's arms. He raised his eyebrow at me and I blew him a playful kiss before turning to look coyly at John.

"Dean!" Beth called out drunkenly, and wrapped her arms around his neck kissing his cheek. John shook his head and nodded as Dean pulled her back from him, disentangling her limbs from his neck.

"Come on Tinkerbell," Dean said with a shake of his head.

"Just ooonnnnneee dance?!" Beth begged and he looked over at his father first, seeking guidance. John rolled his eyes at Beth and then nodded at Dean. Pulling her into the crowd, Dean this time attempted to keep Beth from doing a repeat of the octopus move from a few nights ago. I looked at John expectantly, not having gotten distracted from the original request.

"Well?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Well, since you asked so nicely..." John said with an amused expression. He held out his hand to me, beckoning me into his arms. I resisted the urge to run to him and wrap my arms around his waist, instead playing the game of friends, that's it – nothing more. Nothing going on here with this man twice my age, nothing whatsoever. Just a man giving his daughter's best friend a dance.

John swung his back to Dean and Beth, blocking his actions as I felt his left hand tighten around my waist; his fingers played softly along the bare skin exposed from the halter top, sending shivers along my spine. His left hand grasped my right as we moved into a modern-day waltz, slowly swaying together, close, but not too close. Once again I was grateful for the heels that helped even out the playing field just a little, otherwise I'd be making eyes at his nipples right about now.

Dean and Beth seemed grateful for John's scrutiny to be elsewhere. They were dancing as we were, chaste and discreetly. I shot Dean an eye roll over John's shoulder and he frowned, shaking his head at me. I nodded almost imperceptibly back at him, this silent little exchange going on while the song rang around us... _So tell me, did you fall for a shooting star, one without a permanent scar, and did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there? _

Dean gave in to his own desires finally and slipped Beth further into the slow dancing mix of people on the dance floor. They were a little out of sight, but I smiled when I saw him lean in to Beth and whisper something in her ear. She smiled in response to whatever he said and then wrapped her arms around his waist, leaning into his chest and burying her face in his neck. I'd never seen them so bold, but things were definitely changing in the pair, finally.

It was hard to concentrate on anything other than the feeling of John's fingers, tracing wide arching circles in the small of my back. I looked across to the back of the bar, Dad and Sam were still at the pool table, oblivious to those of us on the dance floor. Dean and Beth had disappeared around the corner into a little alcove that led to the bathroom.

I grinned and decided to have a little fun of my own, sliding my hand down John's chest to tweak his nipple through the shirt he was wearing. The slight hitch in his throat was so worth the warning look he tossed me and I continued to flick my finger along the hard little knob, delighting in the noises it was eliciting from my secret lover.

"Oh you're going to pay for that young lady," John promised with a husky voice.

"I'm counting on it," I quipped back with a grin, and stared into those swirling brown eyes. They drew me in like the calm before a storm. All my fears fell aside when I was lost in those windows to his soul.

The song ended way too soon, and I hesitated to pull back. The bar door opened and I felt my heart stop at who I saw there. I stiffened and John immediately picked up on it, turning to look over at the football team who had just entered, fresh from the game.

"What's wrong?" He asked concerned.

"They're here." I said cautiously not wanting to start a massive scene.

"Who's here baby?" He said quietly, although I had the feeling he already knew exactly who I meant.

"Ian, Jase, and Payden. The sons of bitches who ….." My voice trailed off, so low I was surprised he even caught it.

John stiffened as we swung into another round on the dance floor. "Call them out honey, I want numbers, I need to know who exactly to watch out for with you girls." He said his voice was a deadly calm, complete and utter stillness in the eye of the impending storm.

"Ian is number eighteen. Payden is twenty three. Jase is twenty one." I was proud my voice wasn't wavering I was suddenly trembling.

"Where's Beth and Dean?" John asked, looking around. I looked in the direction I'd seen the pair leave.

"Toilet," I answered quickly. "I saw Dean practically carrying her there. Maybe I should go check on them, she might need some help and well... he can't escort her in." John nodded, his thoughts clearly on the ten or so footballers crowding into the bar looking for a good time.

"Don't leave their sight when you get to them. We won't start anything as long as they don't, however stay your ass on this dance floor, or at the bar with me, your father, or Dean. I mean it Nicole. No pool, no darts, you're going to have an escort to go to the bathroom from now on." John instructed and I nodded, hurrying off to find Beth.

They were just around the corner, tucked up on a couch that was pushed out of the way behind a pinball machine. I'd never noticed it before, but it was the perfect little hidey-hole.

They'd been kissing, and Dean looked up a little panicked when I rounded the corner, visibly relaxing when he saw it was just me. Beth was curled up in his lap, snuggled in and kissing his neck, completely oblivious to anything other than Dean – I raised my eyebrow and shook my head, she wasn't usually this careless, clearly she'd had way too much to drink.

"John's looking for you," I said quickly and Beth froze, looking up, now she looked as panicked as Dean.

"I told him you're in the bathroom. Come on." I said, helping her to stand. Beth's legs gave way a little and Dean supported her until the head spin stopped. She nodded and put her best game face on. Dean was already back to the poker face, suddenly emotionally unavailable as we all prepared to round the corner. It was definitely time to get going.

I made my way back out to the dance floor, pushing through dancers, trying to make my way to the bar. I was ignoring the team as best I could, while keeping an eye out for the three I was worried about. I realised too late that I'd just directly ignored what John told me about staying with Dean for an escort.

I was surrounded. There was no other way to explain it. No way to fight it. I glanced over at Beth and Dean a little further behind me who were having the same problem, a couple of players had moved to intercept them as I walked.

"Come on Cole, I just wanna talk." Ian said softly, sweetly. His voice made me sick. I fought back the urge to vomit everything I'd consumed that night.

"No I'm not ever going to waste another minute on you, you arrogant piece of shit." I snarled rage filling me, edging out the sick feeling.

I shoved at him and he stumbled. I turned to walk away leaving him behind. I caught sight of John pushing his way through the dancers to our small tight knit group. Ian lunged for me grabbing my arm in a tight vice like grip I couldn't break. "Get the fuck off of me!" I shouted hysteria almost clouding my voice.

Thankfully the music was loud enough it didn't cause much of a scene.

"Is there a problem here?" John asked inserting himself almost between Ian and I.

"Mind your own business old man!" Ian snarled. John smirked.

"Kid, this is my business." John said. "Now why don't you let the girl go before you get hurt."

I wrenched my arm from Ian's grasp and quickly moved behind John.

Ian's eyes narrowed, first at me then traveled to John. "Figures the only piece of ass an old man could get would be an easy lay like her." He snapped. "Damn Cole, you'll give it up for anyone. You're disgusting!"

My jaw dropped. That son of a bitch just called me a whore!

Payden had moved up behind me, reaching out to brush his hand along my bare arm. "Hey sweetie, you ready for round two?" He asked, a sadistic gleam in his eye.

"You rat bastard you touch me again, I will rip your goddamn arm off." I snarled, my voice didn't even sound like my own.

Ian snickered in front of us. "Damn now you're playing hard to get, after you've already done half the team. I suppose you have to protect the tiny bit of honor you have left. Hey bro, you may have more luck with that other piece of ass over there." He cocked his head to the left to indicate Beth.

Dean was quietly assessing the ring of spectators that had gathered, greedily watching for a fight. He looked at his father, waiting for instruction, one hand on Beth at all times.

"Dean, get your sister out of here." John said not breaking eye contact with Ian. I could feel the tension in the air, it was about to go off like a bomb.

I side stepped to get out of John's range, and give us both some fighting room, no way was he going to just rescue me again; either I was going to fight too, or we wouldn't be having this fight at all.

Sam and Dad had gravitated toward the ring of spectators also though they were more to the outside of things.

"What about you?" Dean asked a little hesitantly, after all at least six football players surrounded us.

John just smirked, his smile dark and predatory. "Oh, I got this." He said confidently.

"You know what man, you enjoy her, we boys taught her everything she knows." Ian said giving me a once over and smirking.

I saw John's right hand curl into a fist. Ian never saw the hit that sent him staggering.

I leapt forward as John grabbed Ian up by his collar practically hoisting him into the air through sheer will alone.

"You sick little prick. You call three on one easy?" I inserted myself between them, grabbing at John's arm and trying to push him away from Ian. He didn't even spare me a glance.

"I can't tell you how many times I've prayed to meet you. This is the one chance you'll get to walk away unharmed." John said, deadly quiet.

"John he isn't worth it, stop, let him go!" I said desperately trying to push them both apart.

"Dammit John, let the kid go!" My dad's gruff voice said as he grabbed hold of Ian's collar trying to pry off John's grip. I hadn't even seen him work his way to us.

John was breathing heavily, furious at not being able to beat the kid before him into a bloody mess, but he set Ian back on his feet and shoved him roughly away from him. "You're not worth it. You're so not fucking worth it!"

I heaved a sigh of relief that the immediate crisis had been averted.

Dad was looking at me: anger, shock, and confusion written plainly on his face. "We are going to have a talk when we get home. I wanna know what the hell is going on with you!"

I simply nodded my head in resignation of my fate. I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts that I almost didn't hear what was said next, almost.

"That little bitch begged for it! She came every time one of us was with her, every time! She enjoyed it!"

I raised my head almost like a hound dog scenting a fresh hunt, at the same time John whipped around. I beat him to it.

My knuckles hurt immediately after the impact, but it was worth every jarring bit of pain to see Ian's nose crumple. He staggered back with a roar, grasping at his now broken nose, blood pouring down over his football jersey and on to the floor.

I had a moment to wonder if I'd broken a finger, I'd hit him so hard, before I followed up with a swift kick to the groin, feeling the gratifying sensation of connecting with soft tissue, watching his eyes dilate as he wailed and fell to his knees.

Ian's friends looked shocked, unsure of how to react to a woman of such small stature beating the shit out of their buddy, but then Beth, who was a little judgement impaired, grabbed a nearby bottle. She spotted Payden who had slunk around near her with other intentions and she whirled around, smashing it against his head. "For my sister asshole!"

John's face looked completely shocked, but he didn't have time to think on it because the entire group of footballers suddenly sprang into action, and it was on for young and old.

Dean rolled his eyes, pulling Beth out of the way of a punch, and pressing her up against the wall behind him as he fended off three guys who were after retribution.

"Hey Sammy!" Dean roared over the crowd. "Little help here!" Sam's head popped up over the crowd where he was making short work of a couple of stragglers on the outer circle, and he panicked when he saw Dean and Beth surrounded. Without missing a beat he jumped on to a table, then launched himself at the group, tackling at least two of them to the ground.

"What the hell are you doing Dean?" Beth asked loudly pushing at him and attempting to kick the shins of the nearest brawling man. "Nobody put's Beth in a corner!" She said with a grin.

Sam and Dean looked at each other with apprehensive 'oh shit' expressions on their faces.

Dad had a wide circle of players and even other patrons around him. He picked up a pool cue and was spinning it in a complicated dance with the skill level of an experienced hunter.

Jase decided to take up dad on his challenge. Dipshit.

John was to the side of me, and I leaned on him as I bent down, to take off my heels, I was gonna need to be flat footed for this one. He looked down at me smirking, also shaking his head a little incredulously.

I straightened up once I had both heels off, and tossed one for a moment, before catching it and throwing it with deadly accuracy, pegging Jase right between the eyes, he groaned rubbing his head.

"Shit." I said as Jase turned his attention from dad to me. A slight frown line creased my forehead. "Somehow that worked out a lot better in my mind." I said, shrugging at John as he turned to me cocking an eyebrow.

Number 16 took a swing at John, and he dropped him to the floor with a simple jab to the jaw, followed up with a right hook. "It didn't work, because you threw it wrong." He said in his best sexy educated hunter voice.

"Are you for real we're in the middle of a bar brawl, that you started, and you're gonna teach me how to throw?" I asked barely containing a laugh. I mean damn I just couldn't make this shit up.

"Actually, I believe Beth is the one who started this brawl, although you certainly didn't help things." He said grinning at me, and snatching my other heel from my grasp.

"Now for a throw like that to work, and actually come out the way you wanted, you've got to…. Blah. Blah. Blah blahdiblah. Nicole!" He snapped.

I choked back a laugh, not really hearing what he had to say as I dodged a punch thrown in my direction, he darted around behind me kneeing number twenty nine in the family jewels. I winced, poor guys the rest of the team were mostly just collateral damage, thanks to Ian, Jase, and Payden.

I stepped forward to meet the next brazen football player, but John wrapped a hand around my waist keeping me out of the way as he lined up the shot, tossing my remaining heel through the air, and BAM! Jase crumpled to the floor like a deflated balloon.

John turned facing number thirty five, grabbing the kid's fist and turning it backwards putting enough strain that the guy wouldn't be throwing any footballs for a few weeks.

An arm grabbed me from behind and wrapped around my throat. I dislodged his wrist, elbowing him in the lower abdomen, and flipped him over my shoulder. Jase!

As soon as I had him on his back, I fell on him, punching every inch of him I could find. The pain in my hands wasn't even registering with me anymore. I felt a pair of hands trying to grab me up, but I wasn't done yet. These bastards were going to pay for everything they took from me.

Whirling flashing blue lights were going as the door to the bar opened up. Dad was still attempting to pull me from Jase, where I was beating the man unconscious.

He wasn't having a whole lot of success.

I glanced up as Dean and Sam rushed past with Beth over Dean's shoulder heading out the fire escape door.

Dad got his hands around my waist, hauling me up and to my feet. I glanced over his shoulder at John.

"We gotta get moving,_ now_, last thing we needed was cops." I didn't need to be told twice.

We all made it through the fire escape to the alley together, Sam and Dean were running for the Impala. They hadn't even stopped to put Beth back on her own two feet, and she was now struggling with Dean and yelling indignantly to be put down.

"Hey Dad!" Sam yelled back at us with a short laugh. "Just like San Antonio all over again huh?" He finished as we reached our cars. John threw Sam a furious look, opening the truck's door and almost tossing me in the passenger side.

"We gotta stop taking your sister drinking..." he muttered under his breath, but there was a smile on his face. Dad rolled his eyes and retorted with a comment about flaming galahs, and got into the back of the Impala with Beth.

* * *

We made it home without further incident. Dean grunted as he carried the now close to unconscious Beth up the stairs. He kicked the door to the spare room open and put her down on the double bed.

"I ain't carrying her up another flight of stairs, she can sleep it off here," he said in a complaining tone. I smirked and thought it was terribly convenient that she'd been fighting perfectly sober one minute, and was too drunk to walk the next. Yes she'd had a bit to drink, but _how intoxicated _she now was, especially with that adrenaline pumping through each of our bodies, remained to be seen.

"Best birthday ever..." Beth muttered, rolling into a pillow and sighing contentedly while Dean pulled off her boots and jeans, shaking his head at her.

He looked over at Sam and grinned. "You want to bunk in with her?" He asked, but it was clear as day what the answer was going to be.

"Hell no Dean! You got her drunk, you deal with the aftermath... I'm taking the single!" Sam said, already sitting on the aforementioned bed, pulling his shoes off. Dean feigned annoyance, and Beth started giggling like mad. _OK maybe she was a little drunk. _

"God!" Sam said, thumping his head with his palm. "It's gonna be like bunking in with a hyena. San Antonio all over again!" He plopped back into bed and rolled over, pulling the covers up over his shoulders and then a pillow over his head with a grunt.

John didn't even bat an eyelid he was that far off in his own world.

"I'll make up the couch for John," I said to Dad who was standing around looking confused and angry.

I made my way back downstairs with Dad and John trailing me.

"Would one of you to morons care to tell me why the hell we just took out a whole friggin' football team in my favourite bar in town? Damn I'll be lucky if they ever let me back in there." My dad said moodily. My dad was for all intents and purposes a peaceful person, unless of course you messed with his family, or you were some kind of demonic hell spawn.

I turned heaving a sigh, I so didn't want to have this conversation right now. "Look Dad, they were just a bunch of idiots from school. They are always acting like that, and I had to defend myself, didn't I?"

My dad took the bait like a bass.

"Of course you did baby girl and I'm proud of you!" He said beaming at me.

"Great." I muttered irritably. "Now that that has been established I'm going to get John some sheets and go grab some sleep." I said putting on my best I'm totally exhausted voice.

I turned and headed to the linen closet. When I returned John and my dad were quietly discussing something. I moved closer to where I could listen in without being seen.

"I tell you John, sometimes it's like I'm dealing with ten different versions of her. She's happy, she's pissed, she's my daughter, then again in the next minute she's using some guy for a punching bag in a bar." Dad heaved a huge sigh.

"And that flirting with Dean the other night when she was stitching up his face, that isn't my daughter. She's never acted like that. Her and Dean usually fight like cats and dogs, hell they act more like brother and sister than Dean and Beth do. Lately she's been acting like a…." He let out a frustrated growl.

"Nevermind. It's just sometimes I think something's happened to her with all of her crazy mood swings and the way she acts around men now, and then the next instant she's my daughter again, sweet and fun loving and happy go-lucky." Dad finished.

"What do you mean with the way she acts around men now?" John asked softly, trying to play off the cool second father figure, but I swore I could hear a tiny bit of jealousy in his voice. "Are we gonna have to teach some man a lesson?"

Dad removed his baseball cap and ran a hand through his hair, sighing. He sounded tired, older. Maybe I was taking years off of his life. _This was all my fault._ Tears sprang up in my eyes and I wiped them away quietly listening for what was said next.

"I don't think so." Dad said gruffly, "but I'll let you know if we do."

"Bobby, the only thing you can do is try to get her to open up about whatever you think is bothering her. I think you'll find she'll be willing to talk if there is anything to talk about." John said cautiously.

I cleared my throat and rounded the corner, figuring now was a good time to step back into the conversation.

Dad stood from the end of the couch he'd been sitting on and quietly moved into the kitchen, giving me a brief moment alone with John.

I glanced towards the archway, and stepped a little closer to him. "There's an escape hatch you can access from the south side of the basement, goes all the way up to the attic, entrances are covered by secret panels. Dean and Beth are bunking in together, so..." I kept my voice low and one eye on my dad who was pottering around in the kitchen.

John nodded almost imperceptibly at me, picking up on the hint with a glint in his eye.

I deposited the blankets and sheets onto the end of the couch, then turned to head into the kitchen. I filled a glass with ice water and rounded on the cabinet the Aspirin was kept in. I popped two tablets and rinsed them down with a mouthful of water.

I sighed and turned to face my dad. "Dad, could we talk for a minute?" I asked softly hesitantly.

His expression looked guarded, almost like he couldn't believe I would seek him out. Hell five months ago I'd practically shared everything with my dad. Now I felt like I was hiding my very soul from my father. It was time to change that at least a tiny part of it.

"You may want to sit down for this." I said apprehensively.

"That's never a good sign." He said trying to ease the obvious tension in the room with a quip.

I smiled slightly at his words. He was looking at me questioningly.

"I owe you an apology dad." I said softly. "I acted like a self-destructive hormonal teenager and I'm sorry." I said.

"It's okay baby. We just need to figure out why and what we can do to fix it." He said trying to understand where I was coming from. Trying to understand what was going on.

"Something happened, about a week before I graduated. Actually it was the last night of finals." I gave a wry smile and wiped away a tear that fell. "I, uh, I made a mistake. Probably the worst mistake of my life." I sighed. Dad waited patiently for me to continue.

"So...those guys..." I began tentatively. Dad just nodded. "I was dating one of them, just casual, and he invited me to a celebration party at the frat house after final exams." I swallowed hard, my throat suddenly becoming very dry. "And well, things kind of got out of hand and ..." My voice trailed off but he got it. His eyes narrowed. "How many?" He asked. I took a deep breath and looked at him. "Three...the ones John and I beat up."

"John knew about this?!" He said angrily, standing up and pacing the kitchen floor.

"I had the school call him, I couldn't tell you Dad, I didn't want you to think I was weak." I said frantically trying to calm him down. I couldn't help the tears that were flowing freely now. I was weak, stupid, useless.

"Bobby, you need to calm down. You freaking out isn't helping Cole in any way." John's voice said filling the small space of the kitchen with his calming presence.

Dad rounded on him looking like he was ready to explode with rage. "Why the hell didn't you tell me? God dammit John you're supposed to be one of my oldest friends, a second father to my daughter and you let it slip your mind that she was raped? It's been months John!" My dad snarled.

He was across the kitchen so fast he was practically a blur, shoving John into the newly repaired wall. Thankfully there was no crack this time. I was at Dad's side in an instant trying to separate them but knowing better than to get between them.

Dad had his fist raised ready to hit John. "Go ahead, I deserve it!" John said quietly.

"No Dad, let him go, he did it for me! He did it because I begged him not to tell you! I swore to him I would tell you myself, and hell if this hadn't happened tonight I still don't know that I would've told you." My dad hesitated, his fist wavering. He dropped his hold on John's shirt front.

"Just get the hell out of my sight. Give me some time to think about all of this." He snapped.

John stepped to the kitchen entrance, about to leave and I turned to follow him.

"Not you Cole, we are nowhere near finished with this conversation." Dad said, and for once in my life his tone of voice scared me.

I turned back around trembling and collapsed into a kitchen chair.

"Why in the hell would you think you couldn't tell me something as important as this?" He questioned me, I glanced up almost afraid to see the disgust in his eyes.

He looked hurt, confused. My shoulders shook as a wave of sobs overtook me. "I didn't want you to be disappointed in me." I said once my sobs had stopped enough that I could speak. "I didn't want you to think I was weak because I couldn't fight off a couple of humans." I said my voice breaking.

"Baby girl I could never think you were weak." He said softly. When I couldn't bring myself to look at him he placed his hand under my chin raising my eyes to his. "I love you more than anything in this world. You are the strongest person I know. I love you and I want you to know that this is not your fault."

I dissolved into another round of tears and sobs. "I'm sorry Daddy. I'm sorry. God I am so fucking sorry." I cried and sobbed echoing my sorrow for almost an hour. Dad just moved towards me and held me to him, until I had enough control over myself to stop.

I was exhausted. I hated big emotional chick flick moments. They took all the energy one had until they left you with absolutely nothing.

I stirred hesitantly moving to sit back in my own chair. I felt weak and drained.

"Daddy, I'm really tired, so I'm gonna go get some sleep." I said quietly my voice dry and cracking. A mere thread of sound.

Dad looked cautiously at me, and reached out to hug me. It took everything in me not to flinch or recoil from his touch._ I was a horrible person_. He kissed the top of my head. "Go on and get some sleep baby girl. We'll deal with this some more in the morning." He said quietly.

I trudged upstairs to my bed and once there, pulled off my clothes, replacing the top I had been wearing with a simple t-shirt and not bothering to put on any shorts. The evening's exhaustion and confusion washed over me unbidden, and soon I couldn't hold back the tears.

It had taken more than I thought was inside of me to keep it together when I saw those guys walk in that door, every part of me had just wanted to cut and run, desperate to get away from their looks and comments. The last few times I'd seen them, I'd done just that, not stopping until I'd put almost a mile between us. John had been the only thing giving me the courage to face them tonight. I felt like I could do anything with him at my back. _If only I could have him around all the time. _

The knowledge that this was only a temporary visit, and that soon the Winchesters would be on their way again in their never ending trek back and forth across the countryside, caused a new flood of emotion to rise within. Hot tears turned to sobs and I buried my face in my pillow to try and muffle the sounds caused by my aching heart.

I startled when I felt the bed springs creak, my tears had masked the entry of the one man I needed right in that moment. I rolled over seeking the comfort I so desperately needed in John's strong and gentle arms.

* * *

**Author's Notes**

I did it I got another one up! Thank you BellaDonna78 you are awesome!

* * *

Sam I am finally responding to your review. I think there is 3 years before the pilot episode. And it should match to the show pretty dang close and also it fit with Belladonna's timeline perfectly! Shouldn't have to wait much longer on the John/Cole issue, cause I was never gonna have them at Bobby's for long anyways.

* * *

I am currently studying for my licensing exam to become a Registered Nurse. And I officially have 9 days left before I take my exam. So I'm gonna study. No updates during that time sorry guys! At the earliest you may have an update in 10 days. At the latest maybe 14 days. I won't abandon this story I promise. Just keep your heads up!


	4. Clarity

_Where the past comes back to life  
Fight fear for the selfish pain  
It was worth it every time_

_Hold still right before we crash,  
'Cause we both know how this ends  
A clock ticks 'till it breaks your glass  
And I drown in you again_

_'Cause you are, the piece of me,  
I wish, I didn't need  
Chasing, relentlessly,  
Still fight and I don't know why_

_If our love, is tragedy,  
Why are you my remedy?  
If our love's, insanity,  
Why are you my clarity?_

_Clarity_

* * *

I cried myself ragged. After that conversation with my father I was almost certain I would have no more tears to cry. However once I got to my room and thought about the impossible situation I found myself in, my no more tears mantra went out of the window.

I rolled into John's arms desperate, needing anything to take my mind from the past, present and future thoughts circling my head like a damn tornado of regret, hurt and despair.

I basically attacked him, still sobbing. My lips found his hungrily. My hands were already moving to the button down shirt he was still wearing, slipping off buttons.

John took my wrists in his hands, his eyes seeking mine out. He held me until I stopped moving, his voice soft and gentle. "Nicole, stop." He said, watching me.

My voice cracked, a sob escaped. "I need you. I can't handle this. Make me forget." I said desperately. I needed him, I needed to simply live in the moment just me and this one man. I leaned forward biting his lip, then darting out my tongue to soothe the sting. He never opened his lips to mine.

Still holding my wrists, he pulled me back again, "No." He said quietly.

I rocked back on my heels. "No?" I questioned. I looked at him incredulously. Is this man really turning down sex, ready and willing sex? What the hell is wrong with the world? I mean Christ he might as well have slapped me.

My eyes narrowed. I was suddenly furious. "What am I all of a sudden not good enough for you?" I questioned, my voice low and mean. "It was good enough for you when you put me through a wall only two days ago. I was good enough for you when you fucked me senseless in the garage!" I snarled, jerking my hands away from him.

"Now you can't touch me because you've finally realized what I let those sons of bitches do to me. You've finally realized that I enjoyed every fucking minute of it." I swallowed hard. I couldn't believe the things that were coming out of my own mouth. I couldn't believe that I actually had so low an opinion of myself.

I lowered my voice an octave taking on a husky and seductive quality. I leaned in next to John to whisper into his ear. "I'll let you in on a little secret, the part I enjoyed the most was the blow jobs. Apparently I have a velvet throat." I hated myself in that instant and fought for the second time that night to keep down everything I'd consumed.

John swallowed convulsively.

"What? You want some too?" I asked him. "It's like the only thing you haven't gotten out of me, why not?" I smirked.

I trailed my hand down his chest, to his belt buckle. He grabbed my wrist in an unbreakable grip. When he met my gaze a cold hard fury sparkled back at me. Meeting my own loathing and self-hatred emotion for emotion.

"Nicole," John said warningly at me.

"What? Do I disgust you? I have to, how could you think anything else of me?" I asked, anger flowing through me.

"You don't disgust me." He said, but his eyes were still furious. "You didn't ask for this."

"Yeah, but oh how I enjoyed it. Every little shudder…every touch. My body betrayed me John! How am I supposed to feel? Do you know how hard it is to separate that from what was taken from me? I don't even know where to start!"

"You start separating it by opening your eyes when you make love to me. You feel my touch, you listen to my words." John answered.

"I can't do that if you won't touch me!" I said my voice rising and becoming pitchy.

"I'm not going to let you use sex with me just to numb the pain." John said sharply, a warning edge to his voice.

"Then do it to help me feel something, anything." I begged. Needing him.

He swallowed obviously having issues with this bizarre conversation. I saw something change in his eyes, the way he looked at me. "Ok, but you set the pace - you're in complete control. Whatever you need, it's your choice." John said simply, his eyes still glittering strangely. _Is he crying_? I thought absently, then pushed the thought away, I needed this I needed him.

I lowered myself from the bed to the floor, my hands going to the front of his jeans and opening them.

Surprise hit me when I realized he wasn't hard, he was nowhere near ready for this.

I wrapped one small hand around his shaft, giving an experimental tug down to the base. I was rewarded with a slight tightening sensation in my hand as John stiffened. Curiously I leaned forward and blew a trail of warm air along the length of him. He got even harder.

A slight half smirk crossed my face, as I licked my bottom lip. John was watching me quietly. He didn't even look like he was breathing. His growing erection twitched in my hand, and I leaned forward on my knees, to swirl my tongue experimentally over the enlarging tip.

"Get up." John's voice tight and demanding with need startled me and I jumped.

I pulled myself away from him to glance questioningly up at him. Fear and confusion written all over my face.

He reached down to me. "I'm not going to hurt you." He said gently. "I need you to come up here with me. I won't have you on your knees, below me." He said softly trying to make me understand, he wasn't trying to reject me. He was trying to respect me, put my needs and emotions first.

He gripped my upper arms softly, pulling me to my feet, as he moved backwards and lay back on the bed. I used this moment to ditch my night clothes. John also shed his clothes, then lay back on the bed.

My breath hitched in my throat as he circled his own erection. He gave a long firm stroke to the head of his shaft, I noticed how one finger brushed the underside of the flared head and his eyes widened in ecstasy.

I was mesmerized. I lowered myself onto the bed next to him, and he turned his head to the side, kissing me hungrily. "Teach me." I whispered softly, not able to raise my voice, if I did the spell would be broken again. I would be broken.

I moved my hand underneath his, and he circled my fingers with a firm grip. A grip I would never have thought to take on him myself.

Once our combined hands had reached his head, he curled my index finger to swipe again across the underside of him. My nail caught him and I stiffened, I'd hurt him.

His entire body jerked his hips surging forward off the mattress. He moaned. "Again." He demanded.

I flicked my nails and the pad of my finger across him again, and he moaned, crying out.

I scooted down on the mattress, so that I was level with his groin. He guided my hand to the base of his erection, while I flattened my tongue over the broad tip. I opened my mouth to accommodate him.

I flicked my tongue all along the shaft taking as much of him as I could into my mouth. What I couldn't take, my hand worked, pumping him applying pressure to his ground out instructions.

"More." John growled, after a particularly hard suction. I grinned around him, the unshakable John Winchester was trembling in my mouth and under my hands.

I lowered my mouth over him again.

He tightened below me. "Use your teeth, gently." He said a desperate edge to his voice.

I pulled up sharply off him. He moaned at the loss of contact. He fisted himself, applying even more pressure around my hand, both of us stroking him, keeping pace, while he taught me what he wanted.

"Are you sure?" I questioned my voice hesitant. He growled, nodding at me. His free hand took mine, bringing my index finger to his mouth. His tongue touched the tip of my finger ever so lightly before bringing it into the warm heat of his mouth, then I felt the light grazing of his teeth. Liquid pooled between my thighs, my hips bucked involuntarily.

"Gently." He reiterated.

I lowered my mouth around him again, gently testing the amount of pressure to apply.

I heard him hiss. "A little more baby just a tiny bit harder." I complied, my teeth tightening gently around him.

"Oh God, Nicole. Don't stop." Nothing in this world could have made me stop. John's other hand moved to the back of my head, fisting in my hair.

"Deeper baby I need you to take me deeper." He groaned. His hand in my hair held my head still, while his hips thrust sharply up into my mouth.

When he hit the back of my throat, I fought to keep myself relaxed. Then sensation was making me want to gag and bringing up some of my worst moments.

I panicked. His words that this was all at my pace, my choice fading under the crushing memories coming back to me. I fought to stay in the present, to remember it was just John, and he would never hurt me, but I failed. I tried to pull back, but his hands held me in place and I felt him enter fully into my mouth. The sensation pulled me under and I lashed out, pushing him from me with a whimper.

"No," I said coarsely, falling back onto the bed, and scrambling away from him once my feet hit the floor. "No, no, no!" I frantically tried to escape the tidal wave that was going to hit, to run and get out of its way, but it was just too big, and there was nowhere to run.

"Nicole!" John's hands were on my arms and I flinched, trying to pull away. He held me firmly against him, I fought him, kicking and hitting, scratching, clawing, biting my way free. He held me more firmly, stepping as close as he could into me to keep me from being able to run from him.

"Baby, come back to me, open your eyes. See me." He pleaded desperate to break through my memories.

I whimpered, whined and begged to be let go. I was sobbing, the tears were back again, and I just collapsed against John, all the fight had left me. I was exhausted.

He picked me up as though I weighed nothing, his arms tender and caring as he gently carried me back to bed. He tucked us in together, gently cradling me as though I were a small child instead of a fully grown woman.

I burrowed into him, seeking shelter for my shattered mind. I shook against him, getting as close as I possibly could. Practically crawling inside his skin with him.

With John Winchester I was safe, cherished, protected…. Loved. Even when I was such a wreck I couldn't think straight. I didn't have to pretend to be something I wasn't because he saw me at the absolute lowest points in my life and he still wanted me.

He shifted slightly, drawing his hips away from my body, and I instantly became aware why. "I'm sorry." I whispered, softly.

"Don't you dare be sorry!" He said fiercely bringing my gaze up to meet his. "I'm a grown man not some kid, I'll be fine. Right now just let me take care of you." He said quietly.

I snuggled into him and cried myself to sleep, with John watching over me.

_**May 4**__**th**__**, 2002 ::19:30**_

_**Sunset Motel, Athens, Ohio**_

_**John's POV**_

_I was looking for a new case while Sam, Dean, and Beth were out getting something to eat. _

_My phone rang. "This is John." I answered._

"_Yes sir, I'm looking for John Winchester." A woman's voice questioned._

"_Yes ma'am. How can I help you?" I said not having time for bullshit._

"_Mr. Winchester my name is Katherine Monroe. I'm an ER nurse at Avera McKinnon Hospital. We have your daughter as a patient here." My heart dropped and the color drained from my face. Beth! _

"_Why has she been taken to the hospital, what's happened? Was there an accident? I'm going to kill Dean!" I questioned my mind immediately going to something Dean had done. _

"_Sir, I'm afraid I cannot give you that information over the phone." I rolled my eyes and sighed into the phone. _

"_Where the hell is Sammy?" I demanded gruffly, needing to know my family was together. _

"_Mr. Winchester they only brought in one woman, a young girl from the University of Sioux Falls." She said explaining. _

_Sioux Falls. I suddenly realized who we were talking about. "What's happened to Cole?" I questioned next as the door opened and Beth, Sam, and Dean walked in. I had a moment of relief before worrying about Cole. _

"_You got it. I'm coming." I said cutting off her earlier reply about not being able to tell me over the phone. I snapped my phone closed._

_The kids were shooting me confused looks as they were pulling out burgers and fries. I reached for the sack all that was left in it was my food. _

"_I got a bead on a case another hunter needs help with. Nasty poltergeist. It'll take me a couple of weeks, we just had a good run with this ghost, why don't you guys just relax and unwind for a bit. I'll call you from the road." I said turning on my heel and stuffing weapons and clothes into my bag. I was trying to stay calm I had a sixteen hour drive ahead of me, and it wouldn't do Cole any good for me to come in a complete wreck. _

"_Dean." I turned back to him. "While I'm gone I expect you to keep an eye on your brother and sister. Don't get crazy kids." I said to none of them in particular. "Bethie, keep an eye on them and don't kill each other before I get back. I'm counting on you guys to pull together."_

_Sam protested. "Dad what's going on?" He said questioning why I was suddenly leaving._

"_I got a call from Caleb, he's found himself a nasty poltergeist. I'm gonna go help him out with it, while you kids lay low." I said sternly while hugging Beth and kissing the top of her head. _

"_Yes sir." Dean and Beth responded while Sam looked like he was going to protest again._

"_Sam." I said cutting him off. "I don't have time for this I've got to go." I said disappearing into the bathroom and gathering the last of my things._

_He sighed. "Yes sir."_

_I strode to the door and turned back to my children. "Be safe and don't do anything stupid." I said and turned walking out into the evening to my truck._

_**May 5**__**th**__**, 2002 :: 06:00**_

_**Avera McKinnon Hospital, Sioux Falls, South Dakota**_

_**John's POV**_

_I pushed my way through the emergency room doors heading directly for the first group of doctors and nurses I saw._

"_Excuse me." I said as one of the nurses turned away, "I'm looking for my daughter, Nicole Singer." I said playing up the concerned father figure. I didn't have to try very hard._

"_You're daug - Right come with me." She said at first showing confusion then an odd display of compassion and sympathy touched her expression. She lead the way to a private room out of the way of the usual hustle and bustle of emergency room traffic. "Wait here for a moment. I'll make sure your able to see her." _

_The nurse entered the room with a brief knock on the door, and turned shutting it behind her. _

_A moment later the door opened again revealing two uniformed police officers. They stepped past me without a word. What in the hell was going on here. I pushed the door open and walked into the room. Cole was lying on her back staring at the door with a desperate, terrified expression on her face. _

_When she saw that it wasn't her father she collapsed into a round of sobs. _

"_We'll give you a moment," The nurse said softly to me, as she and another woman made their exit. _

_I crossed the room to Cole's side, closing my arms around her and holding her tightly to me. "Why are there cops here Cole? What's happened? Why didn't you have them call Bobby?" I questioned as soon as her sobs quieted to tears. _

_She tipped her head up to look at me. "John you can't tell Dad please! I'm begging you just don't tell my dad." My eyes narrowed in confusion and irritation at not knowing a damn thing._

"_Dammit Nicole I just booked it here in eleven and a half hours, for you. On the word of a nurse who said you were in the hospital but wouldn't tell me why. I won't tell Bobby, but you'd better start talking." I said sternly to her, she was breaking my heart. She looked so fragile and terrified but for the most part she looked okay. _

_I was so confused she didn't look injured. Why the hell was she in a hospital, why the hell were the police involved?_

"_I was out with my friends at a party, and we were drinking. I didn't drink much I don't think the alcohol has even showed up in my system yet. But…" She was cut off as the door opened again to reveal the two uniform officers from earlier. _

"_I'm sorry Mr. and Ms. Singer, but we really need to finish getting your statement." The taller of the two officers said. His name badge read Bryant. Someone had better start telling me what the fuck was going on. I was getting more irritated by the second._

"_Would you mind giving me a minute alone with my father, so I can at least tell him what happened before you start prying for details?" Cole hissed turning hostile eyes on them._

_I simply raised my eyebrows turning a pointed gaze on them._

"_I apologize ma'am but our shift has almost ended and we've waited the entire night for your father to get here before you would tell us anything." Officer Bryant said belligerently. _

_Fury sparked through me. "I have just driven a sixteen hour drive in less than twelve hours. I was called up by a nurse telling me I needed to get here pronto, no one has bothered to tell me a damn thing and the moment I get to the one person who will tell me what is going on," I said glancing at Cole. "You interrupt us and refuse to leave us alone. Now get lost or do I need to take your badge numbers and contact your superiors?" I questioned threateningly. _

"_No sir that won't be necessary." A new voice said. I was looking at an average height man with a stocky build and a small woman. _

"_Did I just hear correctly or were you refusing to leave this young woman alone so she could speak in private with her father?" The woman questioned of the two uniforms. Bryant narrowed his eyes at her. _

"_Detectives Patterson, Cannon." He greeted through clenched teeth. _

"_Outside now." She snapped at them both._

_The four police officers left the room once again leaving me alone with Cole. _

_I turned back to her with a slight smile, concern evident on my face. "So I'm your old man huh?" I asked hoping to break the obvious tension._

_Cole smiled a watery smile up at me. "I'm sorry I didn't know who else to call. I can't tell my dad not yet I just need a few days to wrap my head around this." She quieted, her gaze shifting to her legs. "I really wasn't expecting you to show up."_

"_You call I come. It's always been that way, Cole don't ever hesitate to call me. For any reason." I said softly to her, the memories of the last time I'd seen her on my mind. _

"_I know but the way that we left things. What I did…I-I'm sorry." She said, apologizing._

_I cleared my throat last thing we needed to do was get into that. "So why did you call me?" I questioned. "And this time you're gonna tell me no dodging, no changing the subject." I said sternly._

_She lowered her gaze again, biting her lip. "I was at a party, with my boyfriend."_

_I kept my face strictly neutral, of course she'd be dating she's a young woman that is about to graduate from college._

"_We… we, uh." She paused, clearing her throat. "Went upstairs to an empty room, when…" She closed her eyes fighting back tears again. _

"_When two more men walked in, some of his friends on the football team." God no. Not Nicole. I kept quiet. I knew her well enough to know that if I interrupted her she would chicken out and wouldn't tell me that last tiny bit of information._

"_They took turns keeping me pinned, while the third," She trailed off, smothering a sob._

_A black boiling cauldron of rage started in my stomach. My hands were shaking, I crossed my arms, straightening my posture, pushing aside my emotions so I could deal with this. So I could be strong for Cole. _

"_I couldn't move. I couldn't fight back, I just froze!" She said wiping desperately at the tears forming again._

_I sat on the side of the stretcher, scooting her over and stretched out next to her gathering her to me. "Don't you dare! This is not your fault." I said forcefully to her. "You are not to blame for this."_

**Present Day, August 4****th****, 2002 :: 05:00**

**John's POV**

Cole was moving against me. I heard her mumble something, pulling me firmly out of the memory of our past where she was broken, fragile and terrified. I glanced down at Cole sleeping in my arms. I brushed my fingers through her blond curls. She shifted quietly in her sleep, turning on her back.

I turned onto my side kissing her temple as she shifted again. My hand found its way to her stomach, tracing small circle's on the smooth skin around her belly button.

"John." She sighed softly in her sleep. Then she squirmed again, finally waking up.

She rolled and glanced at the clock. "Oh five hundred. Christ today is going to be a long day." She said drowsily. I resumed tracing light barely there circles on her stomach.

"Mmmm. That feels amazing." She said softly. I leaned down, pressing my lips below her ear.

Her quiet gasp ignited the slow smoldering burn of arousal. My fingers trailed lower, finding her wet, ready and pulsing with need.

I leaned forward and swallowed her moan with a kiss. "Last thing we need to do is wake everyone." I said teasingly. I slipped a knee between her legs keeping her body open and ready for mine.

"I don't think so." She said determinedly "I am so going to finish what I started last night." She said as she surged forward pushing me onto my back with a sudden burst of strength.

I let her flip us, only we didn't meet the bed again. There was a slight lull of time where my stomach dropped. Then we both hit the floor still locked together.

A thud sounded from below us on the floor. "Dammit Cole how about you shut the hell up. Some of us are hungover!" Dean shouted from below us. I laughed softly, I could only imagine him picking up a boot and launching it at the ceiling. My son was definitely not a morning person.

Cole laughed lightly, smiling down at me. I leaned back on my elbows content to just watch her.

She ran her hands down my chest and abs, almost like she was committing every scar, muscle, and ridge to memory. She leaned forward pressing hot kisses down my stomach. I groaned when I heard my phone going off.

I located it in my discarded jeans and sat on the edge of the bed facing Cole. She looked disappointed at the distraction.

"This is John." I said irritated at being interrupted. Cole glanced up at me with a pitiful pout to her perfect bow of a mouth. Damn she had lips that were perfect for biting.

"John, hey it's Chris Walker. I got that Chupacabra nest back over here that needs to be taken care of, and I'm laid up with a broken arm, so I won't be able to be of any use." I raised my eyebrows at Cole as she crawled towards me, her heavy breasts swinging invitingly with the movement. I closed my eyes, desperate to focus on anything but her at the moment. The job came first.

"Yeah the kids and I can be up there within the next five hours." I said attempting to give them some time to get themselves presentable and ready and focused on a hunt. They had after all had a rough night.

I jumped when I felt Cole's mouth around my cock. I raised my eyebrows at her, when she looked up to meet my gaze. 'I'm on the phone.' I mouthed at her. She simply smirked running her tongue along the underside of my dick. I couldn't help the involuntary thrust of my hips.

I narrowed my eyes at her, and she just lowered her gaze as her mouth and hands pumped me.

When she raised her gaze to mine again she had a devious sinful glint in her eyes. 'Stop.' I mouthed at her. She simply shook her head and resumed her ministrations. Good God, if I hadn't known last night was her first experience with oral sex, I would have believed she'd have been preforming this act her entire life.

I struggled to focus on what exactly Chris was saying. Something about needing an extra man for the job, he knew I'd have a four man team and Cole had come along last time so we'd had six, however we'd need another man today, since Chris was out of commission.

"I uh, I'm pretty…I think I have another man in mind Chris." He was trying to discuss a hunting approach with me. And at that moment I couldn't have cared less. Cole had introduced her teeth. I struggled to keep my voice in the vicinity of a normal pitch and not just moan, hiss and curse in this man's ear. I'd given up attempting to keep from thrusting into her mouth.

"John, are you okay man? You sound a bit off." Chris said hesitantly. I couldn't answer right away. Cole had me so deep in her mouth I could feel the muscles of her throat constricting around me, and she wasn't having a trigger or a flashback. Thank God for amazing miracles.

I almost groaned into the phone as another wave of ecstasy hit me.

"John?" Chris's voice was now quite concerned.

"Yeah, I'm here Chris..." I said breathlessly, trying to keep everything on an even keel even though I was far from calm. "I'm ok, I need to go though...so I'll see you in uh... goddd... 5 hours?"

Chris sounded a little confused, especially at the groan, but agreed and hung up. I looked down at Cole who was circling me with her tongue, I wanted to nibble at those lips long and hard.

"What the hell baby?" I ground out through clenched teeth. "I was kinda on the phone." I said, not really mad how could I possibly be mad at her.

She raised her eyes to mine, and it looked like she was attempting to say something, only her mouth was a bit full at the moment and the vibrations she was sending down my cock had me arching off the bed.

I shut up, trying to keep my moans to a minimum, _what had I just said about not waking up the whole house? _I already knew Dean was awake – but I shoved that thought far from my mind. He really didn't need to know what I was up to right now.

My head hit the mattress and I tried to grab hold of something. I quickly reminded myself _not her head _and instead grabbed at the headboard, clutching at the wrought iron bars. I arched, again as she changed it up again, this time sucking long and hard, and it was just what I needed. "Oh yeah," I groaned softly at her, encouraging.

Cole seemed much more confident in her position, and I slipped into the receiver. She needed very little guidance at this point, I tried to keep from thrusting too much, allowing her to control the pace, the depth, the pressure. It was perfect. She surprised me by cupping my balls and squeezing softly as she kept me in her mouth, bearing down and sucking, her throat constricting around me.

I bit my lower lip hard to keep from crying out it felt so amazing. I settled for some moans and a subtle arching of my hips to her. Everything started to tighten, and I felt the telltale rush as everything surged through me. With a couple more sucks I jerked and felt my release come, throwing my head back and groaning softly. She teased me a little longer, it was tortuously good and I thought about how I was going to return the favor to her when I had more time, a wicked grin coming to my face.

She crawled up onto the bed, settling into my side. "So who was on the phone?" She asked innocently.

**07:00**

**Cole's POV**

John and I got dressed in relative silence, both our minds on the chupacabra hunt. Well my mind was kind of on what happened after the chupacabra hunt we'd had back in March.

I pulled on a pair of jeans, and a few shirts opting for a layered look since I had no clue how cold it would be outside.

"You're wearing too many clothes. I won't be able to get them off of you quick enough, you know if you get injured." John said with a devilish glint in his eye.

"On the brighter side of things. Plenty of fabric to tear into bandages, and if you actually need to use them, you will be able to order me to take my clothes off." I said smirking.

We were making our way down the stairs when John stopped a few steps lower than I was and turned to face me. He wrapped his arms around me pulling me close.

"You have absolutely no idea how much of a turn on that was." John said looking up at me suggestively.

I scoffed. "What getting hurt in the middle of a hunt? Wow you really are a masochist." I said cheekily.

He buried his face against my neck. He inhaled deeply, pulling me into his lungs. "How do you do that?" He asked quietly.

"Do what?" I questioned softly.

"You can make me forget. All of a sudden I'm not a man whose wife has been dead for nineteen years I'm just a man. No past, no future, just you and I. Until the sun comes up and reality sets in." My breath hitched. John didn't display emotion as a rule, so when he did, I knew he needed comfort and security. I pulled him to me and kissed him, pouring everything I had into that kiss. All the compassion, love, happiness, and warmth I could muster.

I pulled away from him, and he smiled a small smile. "You just don't want me to order you naked." He said quietly.

"Well there's that too, I don't wanna give poor Sammy a thrill." I said rolling with the mood change. I stepped down closer to him.

"Come on, you big softie." I said kissing him chastely on the lips. "Let's go kick reality's ass!"

I reached the bottom of the stairs first, having stepped in front of him to make sure no one was around for him to leave. I glanced out of the doorway of the spare bedroom. The light was on underneath the bathroom door, and Sam stepped out fully dressed, while John brushed past me on the way into the spare where Beth and Dean were, alone.

Shit! "Oh, I'll tell you what I want, What I really really want, So tell me what you want, What you really really want" I belted out practically screaming it. John whirled around hands up ready to defend himself. When he saw me dancing and singing at the top of my lungs he relaxed a bit but he was still looking at me like I was insane.

I danced and jived my way in front of him, hopefully dancing well enough on my own that I was a good distraction. As I barged my way in on Dean and Beth still singing the chorus of the Spice Girls hit _Wannabe_, they broke apart, I made a quick motion with my hand to separate, while glancing back at John, who still hadn't even made it to the door yet. It had been so long since Beth and I had to use our secret code to stop whatever we'd been doing that I'd basically forgotten it, so I was improvising.

The minute I hit their door, I dove right into the middle of them, still singing at the top of my lungs. They had been closer together than I anticipated and as I turned onto my back I _accidentally _elbowed Dean in the face.

Beth shoved away from me giving me some more room so I wasn't basically laying on top of them both, and looked at me like she'd like nothing better than to peel my hide.

I grinned at her. Dean grabbed me from behind his arms locking mine to my sides, and rolled me over the top of him, and onto the other side of the bed. Then the asshole shoved me out of the bed.

I grunted when I hit the floor for the second time in only two hours.

"Hey jackass!" I griped.

"Dean." John said warningly, standing in the doorway.

"What, the crazy cow dove right in the middle of the bed I was sleeping in." He said, glaring at me.

"Well it's a good thing you're up anyways. We have a chupcabra nest we have to go hunt down, I'm gonna go and fill Bobby in and see if he'll join. Chris is laid up with a busted arm so we'll need another man." John explained at Dean's inquiring gaze.

"What? Nooooooo!" Beth groaned, grabbing her head and pulling a pillow over it, whimpering a little. John looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

"Sore head baby girl?" He said with a bit of a chuckle. Beth just grunted at him. Dean groaned and lay back against his pillow.

"You'd think we could have just _one day _off from this damn job!" He said.

John smirked. "You did, it was yesterday, and the pair of you clearly made the most of it. Now get up, it's time to work!" He turned and left the room making his way back down to my dad's room.

"Dude what the hell were you doing at five AM?" Dean questioned as the three of us made our way down to the kitchen.

"I kinda fell outta bed." I said with a small laugh to myself. If only he knew who really fell out of bed.

Dean rubbed a hand over his sleep deprived face. "Well keep it down next time. I think you kept me up for hours." He said moving to the fridge and rummaging for the chocolate pecan pie.

I shot Beth an incredulous look which she totally missed because she had her face buried in her hands. Yeah right if anyone kept him up for hours it was Beth, although John and I should have a discussion about lowering the volume.

"Hey that's my pie!" I said hotly. I leapt to the table as Dean turned away to get a fork. He whirled back around.

"Touch my pie I'll stab you with a fork." He said warningly, holding the fork in front of him like a knife.

"Stab me with a fork, I'll dismember you with a butter knife." I snapped, no way in hell was he getting my pie.

Dean paled and looked down between his legs a little worried, he actually moved in behind Beth, as if for protection. Big baby.

Beth semi roused at that. "Hey! I'm gonna need that one day!" She said and I smirked at her, Dean grinned.

"Gonna need what?" John said as he came into the room. None of us answered him, I chuckled at Beth who buried her face back into her hands, and Dean just stared at the tile on the kitchen floor. "Oh pie." John said, hurrying over and scooping the pie plate out from under Dean and I, whilst simultaneously plucking the fork from Dean's hand and digging in.

We looked at each other in horror. "That was our pie!" Dean said.

We'd never seen a chupacabra pack before in North America, the odd sighting being of individual creatures. However, for whatever reason, South Dakota had developed a pack, and they bred like rabbits. Six months ago on Spring Break, I'd joined John and the kids to hunt this pack when Dad was laid up with a bronchial infection. I'd enjoyed the time alone with them, everyone seemed to relax a bit more without grouchy Dad around, besides he and John were always fighting over who was Alpha dog. There wasn't any doubt who the Alpha was in my mind, and he was driving the truck ahead of us.

Beth was sitting in the back of the Impala with me looking like the cat who got the cream. I shook my head and turned my gaze to Dean, who was sitting directly in front of Beth. He kept glancing in the mirror at her, a slight smile on his mouth. It kind of made my heart melt thinking it was about time these two figured it out. Sam of course was oblivious as always, tapping away on his laptop writing an email or something.

I turned my thoughts to last Spring Break, and the hunt we also had before us.

_The chupas numbered eight. Eight massive blood-sucking beasts. They originated in Central America, or so the legends seemed to indicate, but they'd been seen all through both North and South America over the centuries. They looked like nothing I'd ever seen before, moving on four legs, green or grey leathery scales covering their body with sharp quills running down their spine. Two massive fangs helped them to gouge their prey and they would drain a victim in no time at all. They originally favoured goats, which was fine until they started killing the staple food of the people of South and Central America. Then the violent attacks that ensued to ensure the survival of the food source led the chupas to become aggressive against humans, and when that happened and they got a taste for our blood – they'd been after it ever since._

_The woods south of us led into a canyon where Chris had tracked the pack to. He was looking a bit nervous about bringing two girls along but John swiftly dismissed it, handing a rifle to Beth who checked that it was loaded and slung it over her shoulder with a nod. At least we knew how to kill them, and it wasn't some fancy silver stake through the heart on a blue moon in the sign of Pisces nonsense – straight out bullets worked just fine. I checked my own rifle and smiled, excited to be going on a hunt again. Too much study and no play had made me a very grumpy girl._

_I couldn't help but stare at John, the way his muscles moved under his jeans and hunting jacket. He was deliberate in all his movements, methodical and self-assured. My mind went to what it would be like to have those deliberate movements turned to a more intimate setting and I had to close my eyes to break the image. I wasn't supposed to be feeling what I was about the man, he was twice my age! But the heart wants what the heart wants, and it really wanted John Winchester right now – well something did at the very least, I wasn't completely sure it was entirely my heart's desires involved here as I squirmed from my thoughts._

"_OK, let's get this show on the road." John said. "We shoot to kill, don't hesitate, and we don't leave anything alive." Everyone nodded and John paired us up. Chris and Sam, Dean and Beth, and I was with him. My heart jumped a little at the thought, but then fell just quickly realising I'd have to really concentrate now and keep my head in the game. Lives were at stake._

_We moved off into the woods, splitting up to take flanking positions down the canyon. I followed in John's footsteps, keeping my eyes peeled out ahead of us. He came to a ridge and paused, taking his rifle out and using the sight to zoom in on where the creatures were supposed to be. _

"_Nicole…" he said, turning to me. I grimaced._

"_It's Cole." I corrected him and he smirked at me._

"_Cole isn't a lady's name," he said, staring at me with those dark brown eyes. _

"_Maybe I'm not a lady," I quipped, returning my own smirk._

"_Could have fooled me," he replied, his eyes travelling the length of my body, pausing on some of my curves. His tongue snaked out to lick his lips and I gaped. Did John Winchester just _check me out? _I licked my own lips, unsure of what to say in that moment. _

"_What?" I said. He looked at me confused and I sighed._

"_What did you stop for?" I asked again, this time clarifying the question, with a slight smile playing on my lips._

_John visibly pulled himself together, and turned back toward the ridge. "There's a den down there, about two clicks away, on the side Dean and Beth are at. They're almost there, we're going to need to circle around and come down from the North." I nodded and realised that meant we had to move, and quickly._

_He had a way of moving through underbrush that left me in awe compared to my own failed stealth – I was rusty from years in college and not enough hunting. Several times I nearly tripped over a stray branch or jarred my ankle in a rabbit hole. John caught me a couple of times and the mere proximity of being close to his body was driving me a little batty. I didn't know when I'd started feeling like this, but it had hit me fast._

_We came to a stop almost dead in front of the den. I caught sight of Dean and Beth, directly above it from the ridge, they hadn't seen the den yet because it wasn't in their line of sight and this presented some danger. They were being cautious, but they didn't have all the information either. I used my rifle to look around through the trees, catching a glimpse of Sam and Chris to our left, moving slowly through dense underbrush. _

_John used a penlight from his pocket to get Dean's attention, shining it in his eyes. The younger Winchester looked quizzically at him and John gestured silently with hand signals, pointing to the den below them. At that moment a chupacabra came out of the entrance, meandering into the sunlight. Dean pushed Beth back a little and they positioned themselves behind a boulder. _

_Chris and Sam had reached the treeline and were free of the underbrush. We could see them indicate to us that they were ready. John felt around in his knapsack and pulled out a couple of grenades, I swallowed, looking at them. _

"_Take it out," John said and I nodded, sighting the chupa with my rifle. I took a deep breath in and let it out slowly, pulling on the trigger. The chupa fell to the ground with a grunt, I'd shot it directly in the head. We paused, but the noise hadn't alerted any other creatures to our presence. John moved into the clearing, crossing quickly. He took the two grenades and pulled the pins, tossing them into the den and running back to me. A few seconds later there was an explosion and the den spat out dust and disgustingly enough, a few body parts from the unfortunate chupacabras in there._

"_Let's go," John said, moving forward. Everyone was on the move, closing in on the den. Beth stayed up on the ridge, eyes peeled for any unexpected visitors that might come in from another direction. Pulling out a flashlight, Chris led the way into the den and shone it around. It was cramped, only enough room for a couple of people. Dean followed him._

_Suddenly there was a yell and Dean came tumbling out of the den, a chupa on top of him. He yelled again as the chupa bit down hard on his shoulder. John moved instantly, pulling a handgun from a holster at his thigh. There were shots fired from inside the den and Sam raced in after Chris who was calling for back up. Beth had her rifle sighted on Dean and the chupa but it was too close for her to take a shot. _

_I had my own hand gun out and was backing up John who pointed his point blank at the head of the chupa now gnawing on Dean. He pointed the barrel away from Dean and pulled the trigger without hesitation. The chupa fell dead to the ground. _

"_Ahhh," Dean groaned, grabbing at his shoulder. "Son of a bitch!" _

_I raced to his side and pulled off my shirt, pushing it against the wound and applying pressure. _

"_You'll be ok you big baby," I said to him with a grin and Dean glared at me, grimacing from the pain. _

_Chris and Sam came out of the den looking a bit bloodied but unharmed. Chris nodded at John who stood up and went to join them. _

"_Is that all of them?" John asked. _

"_Seems to be, the one that jumped Dean makes eight," Chris responded with a nod. _

"_Right, well let's get him out of here then and to a doctor, I want that shoulder looked at." John said. _

_Back at the medical centre, John found me out by the car, pacing. I was wearing nothing but a thin tank top and it had turned a little cold. He pulled off his own flannel shirt which he was wearing over a t-shirt and came toward me. I froze as he stood in front of me, bringing the shirt around and slipping it up over my arms. His hands brushed over my shoulders as he settled the shirt on me. _

_My breath caught and I stared up at him, he licked his lips again and it was my undoing. Grabbing his face in my hands I pulled him to me, my lips meeting his in a surprise attack, my tongue trailing along his lower lip, tasting him as he groaned and leaned into the kiss, his tongue coming to meet mine. _

_It was over in an instant, John pulling back with a conflicted look in his eyes. _

"_No," he said quietly. _

"_What?" I asked, frowning._

"_We can't Nicole. You're half my age, you're my best friend's daughter, if things were different then maybe. But with the way things are, no." His words said one thing, but his eyes were saying another._

"_So?" I asked, not understanding the issue. What did it matter? Older people got involved with younger all the time. Look at Hefner. _

"_I can't, Nicole, I'm sorry." He said turning and walking away. I shook my head. It was the same old story with him, ridiculous rules that stopped people from following their heart. If he knew how many times I'd heard Beth say that to Dean because she knew John would be so angry at them for following their feelings, he'd be shocked. I was shocked now. Shocked that he even felt anywhere near what I was feeling, and shocked that he was refusing to do anything about it._

My thoughts returned to the present. Chris had phoned earlier and said there'd been more attacks that looked like chupacabras.

"But we killed them all," Sam said, looking out the front window.

"Yeah well, we must have missed a couple," Dean muttered, looking frustrated

We arrived at Chris' looking like we were ready for war there were that many rifles and ammo boxes sitting around. John was checking and triple checking a rifle, loading it up. He handed it to me with a stern expression.

"I've checked it, but you should never assume I have, do the checks yourself too." He stated, his hand brushing mine lightly as I took it from him with a nod.

Dad was loading ammo into his hunter's vest, and the three kids were doing their own safety checks on weapons. Sam was bright as a button, looking around him, ready for the day. Dean and Beth were lagging behind a little, looking sorry for themselves. I saw Dean hand Beth some aspirin and she took them gratefully with a smile, washing them down with a drink of water. Dean followed suit.

It was interesting to watch them sneak in little touches here and there when John wasn't looking. Something had definitely shifted in their relationship yesterday, and I liked it. It gave me a little hope, besides, they deserved to be happy.

"Right, Dean, you're with Bobby. Beth you come with me," John said before looking over at me. "You pair up with Sam," he said and I nodded.

Chris was standing nearby with his arm in a sling, looking pained that he was going to be missing out on the hunt.

"They're about ten clicks over the ridge," he said to John. "They seem to be on the move, I found their den but they'd abandoned it days ago. Six of them from what I could tell, the bastards reproduce quicker than humans, that's for sure." John nodded.

"We'll finish the job, don't worry." He reached over to the back of the truck where something was lying in the tray covered by a tarpaulin. He pulled it back with a flourish and I saw a deer lying dead, a few flies buzzing around bullet wounds.

"This time we bring them to us," he said.

We took the truck, the four of us kids in the back with the deer. We crouched, holding on to the sides and keeping our balance. John drove us in a large circle around the part of woods that Chris had last seen the chupas in. There was a fire access road which served to get us to a section of land where we might actually be ahead of them.

Dean jumped down when we arrived and started to pull the tarp off the tray, deer and all, Sam pushed at it from up top. Beth looked a little green at the sound of the deer squishing when it hit the ground, and closed her eyes, taking a few deep breaths. _Man, how much had she had to drink last night?_

She pulled it together and we both jumped down, collecting our rifles and closing the gate on the tray.

"Couple of clicks in and we'll set up," John said to Dean with a nod. Dean and Sam took the tarp at a corner each and started dragging the deer into the woods. Beth was talking to Dad and checking her rifle.

"You up for this?" John asked me quietly, I nodded at him.

"Yeah I'm good. I'd be more worried about her," I said to him, looking at Beth. "She kind of had a hard night," I grinned at him.

John looked amused and even smiled. "She's not the only one, but she'll be ok, that's why I'm taking her with me," he informed me.

"She drank more than me and you're not worried about her? Why the worry about me?" I asked angrily, narrowing my eyes at him.

"You know why," he said sternly. "Beth didn't stay up half the night having flashbacks and doing… other extra curricular activities." I smirked. _Wouldn't be so sure on that last part_, I thought.

"I'm _fine!" _I insisted and he nodded with a half-smile.

"Good." He said simply and turned to look at Dad and Beth.

We followed the boys into the woods, they'd made good headway with the deer, but it was hard going with all the underbrush around. Sam and Dean were bickering about the best way to move it, nothing new there, and I chuckled. Winchesters. They were always either fighting or loving, no in between with this lot.

Dad indicated a clearing he thought would work for the plan, and told the boys to put the deer in the middle. He took a large hunting knife and sliced open the deer along it's stomach, the intestines spilling out, blood seeping to the earth. It smelled rank.

"All right, get in position and watch your backs." John ordered us. We moved to three separate areas, spreading out to wait.

There was a howling noise that came up from the North, like listening to whales, only not underwater. It was almost melodic, but the creature making it was anything but peaceful like a whale.

A strange clicking noise sounded to the left of us, and I positioned my rifle, watching as one of the chupacabras moved into the clearing. It sniffed the air and then moved forward toward the deer. John was holding his hand in the air to indicate we should wait before attacking.

More clicking and five other of the creatures moved into the clearing too, we waited breathlessly as they honed in on their food, seemingly none the wise for us being there.

I trained my gun on one of the creatures, and when they reached the deer I saw John's hand fall, giving the signal to attack. I pulled the trigger and the chupa dropped dead to the ground. The others all dropped too, except for one which managed to avoid being a target. A few bullets whizzed by but it moved quickly when it realised it's companions were dead.

It crashed into the underbrush nearest him, straight for John and Beth. I panicked, standing up and running toward them. The creature jumped Beth and she rolled to the ground with a bit of a yelp, throwing the chupa off her. John pulled a handgun out and shot it three times, the creature fell to the ground dead.

Suddenly I realised I was out in the open, I'd just reacted when I saw the chupa go for John. He turned to look at me with frustrated eyes. Sam was staring at me, flabbergasted. That's when I saw it. Another huge chupacabra moving up behind Sam and I was his back-up. _Damn!_

I started to sprint back at him, shouting a warning but I wasn't close enough. The chupa pounced, landing on Sam's back and he yelled as the claws of the creature raked across his back. He fell to the ground and the chupa bit him in the shoulder. I stopped, trying to sight the chupa and I pulled the trigger, but the gun jammed. _Damn!_

Throwing it to the ground, I pulled a knife from my pants and I ran, faster than I had ever run before. I tackled the chupa head on, rolling to the ground with it. It snarled and raked it's claws along my thigh and I groaned at the searing pain. I was trying to bring the knife around to slash its throat but my arm was pinned by the creature's other claw.

Sam was trying to reach his gun, but he was moving slow. Suddenly a few gunshots rang out, the chupa fell to the ground dead beside me and I breathed a deep sigh of relief. John was standing over the top of me, furious. Beth was by Sam's side, grimacing at all the blood, pulling her jacket off, then her t-shirt and pressing it to his back.

"Get up," John ordered me, practically hauling me to my feet. "What the hell is wrong with you?! Do you have a death wish?" His eyes flashed at me, angry. "You never leave your partner, not for an instant. You don't let your emotions get in the way! You stick to the job!" His words stung as if he had slapped me and I flinched, he paused.

I looked at the ground, embarrassed heat rising in my cheeks. "I'm sorry," I said softly.

He lowered his voice a little, and leaned in to me. "I didn't bring you out here just to lose you to some damn beast! You let your guard down and got distracted, what the hell were you doing out in the open? Your partner was Sam, you should have been watching him."

He spun on his heel and went to Sam who was groaning from the pain. He looked pale and clammy. I looked at my own leg, it was just a graze, nothing too deep.

"Sammy?" John asked, kneeling down beside him. "You're gonna be ok son."

John sent Dean and Beth ahead of us to the medical center with Sam to get his back attended to while he, Dad and I made sure there were no more chupas around. John was determined not to have a repeat of this incident.

"Bobby can you help them get Sam to the car, and check that end of the canyon for any other stragglers? I'll take Cole and head up the other end," John said. Dad nodded and moved to help Dean with Sam. Beth took the lead, handgun at the ready in case there were any more attacks.

With a stern glance, John passed me his handgun, and stalked off across the clearing, leaving me to follow him. The cuts to my leg were painful, but I ignored them, determined not to show him how bad they were.

When we were out of hearing range of Dad, we came to a stop. John spun around, running a frustrated hand through his hair. "There's nothing out here, I'm certain we got them all. But you and me, we need to talk." He said through gritted teeth.

"Ok." I said nervously, chewing on my bottom lip and lowering my gaze here comes the ass chewing. "I … but... wait.." I said cutting him off as he started to speak again. "I'm sorry, I know I messed up but I panicked."

"Damn straight you messed up, you can't afford to let your feelings for me or anyone else get in the way. You don't have time to panic, what the fuck were you thinking Cole?" He sighed hard at me. The fact that he was back to using my nickname instead of _Nicole _wasn't lost on me.

_You're so stupid, you just about got your entire family killed. _I kicked at a tree, and grimaced at the pain it caused my thigh where the chupa had gashed me.

"Cole." John said warningly.

I spun around hands up. "What?" I practically shouted at him. "What the hell else could you possibly say? I get it! I'm stupid, I'm useless, I nearly got your son killed!" I stopped and looked at him. "Here's what I don't understand, I had the situation under control, Sam was out of harm's way why didn't you just let it finish me off?! You could have saved all of us a massive amount of trouble." I snarled at him. He just didn't get it _I was dead already_.

"God dammit Nicole. I get it for Christ's sake, if there is one person alive on this earth who understands what you're going through it's me!" He snapped back his anger rising even in direct proportion to my own.

"Every single day of my life for the last nineteen years I've been dead inside. You've felt the same way for what three or four months? Big deal! You want to kill yourself? Go ahead! I actually thought you had more balls then that. You suck it up and you move on!" He licked his lips and scowled at me.

"I had a reason to move on, my children needed me and when I felt things were getting to the point they weren't needing me anymore, Beth came to us giving me another reason to keep going. Then three months ago the same thing with you. I'll be damned if I am going to watch you destroy yourself whether you want to slit your wrists, take a whole bunch of pills, or get eaten alive by a chupacabra." John said angrily. He was breathing hard, his face flushed.

A wave of sorrow and guilt hit me, but I'd spent the last few days crying I refused to cry now. "I'm sorry." I said stepping forward. John took a step back from me, avoiding me, angry. "I'm sorry John. I'm sorry." I took a few more steps forward, this time he didn't back away. He was staring at the ground not meeting my eyes. I raised my hands to his face, he raised his gaze to meet mine. "I'm sorry." I repeated again.

John said nothing he simply nodded at my apology. I hoped accepting it.

"Come on," he said softly. "I'm sorry too, you just scared me, I couldn't bare if anything were to happen to you."

He wrapped me in his arms and held me for a few minutes, I listened to his heartbeat begin to settle into its usual steady rhythm. The pain in my leg started to throb, and I grit my teeth, tightening my arms around him. He noticed, and for the first time seemed to realise I was hurt. He hissed at the blood soaked jeans I was wearing and sighed at me.

"Let's get that looked at, come on." The rest of the walk back to the truck was in silence. We met Dad on the way, who reported he hadn't found any further tracks or evidence of chupas that might have escaped.

I only came out of my thoughts when we got to Chris' house. Dad went ahead to fill Chris in on the hunt and the results. John sat me in the truck with the first aid kit, pulling down my jeans so he could get at the wound on my leg. They weren't that deep, I could get away without needing stitches, but it stung like a bitch when he wiped the alcoholic swaps over it to clean it up. I hissed a little and he looked at me sympathetically.

"Big baby," he said with a grin, repeating something I'd said to Dean a thousand times over. He worked methodically at soothing them over, adding some antiseptic cream, and then covering with gauze and a bandage. I wasn't sure if it was the medicine or his touch, but I was starting to feel better already.

When we made it back to the house I didn't even bother going in. I headed straight for the gym. I still felt worked up and angry at myself.

I pulled on my gloves, taking a swing at the bag, not even bothering to counteract the crap my brain was spitting out at me. I deserved it all.

I landed punch after punch, kick after kick to the bag, and none of it was easing my frustrations. I turned jerking off my gloves and tossing them to the ground.

"Nicole." John said coming into the shed. I looked back at him, not sure what to say.

"Talk to me, tell me, what was going on inside your head out there?" John said.

I licked my lips nervously. I wasn't good at this whole bare your soul shit, I was kind of like Dean in that department, as much as I hated to admit it. "I didn't want you hurt." I said quietly. "The last few days have been so emotional for me, I quit thinking like a hunter, and I guess I've been relying on instinct for the most part. Well, and..." I trailed off sighing. _This sharing shit sucks!_

"What?" He prompted softly, questioning what I was leaving out.

I sighed again raking a hand through my hair. " I..." I trailed off again, avoiding his gaze. I sighed rolling my eyes. "I... I've noticed that whenever you're around I tend to rely more heavily on you. Almost like your holding me together. I think... I..." I turned and took off across the training mats. He wasn't letting me get away that easy. He caught my arm swinging me back to around to face him.

"What?!" John asked me, pulling me closer.

"Nothing ok." I snapped trying to pull my arm out of his grasp. "Just forget I said anything."

"No," he snapped. "What the hell were you fixing to say?" He asked, breathing heavily.

"Nothing dammit." I said avoiding my own thoughts like the plague.

"Dammit you are just like Dean, you're shit at expressing any type of emotion. You'd rather cover it up with anger, fury and fighting," John said to me, letting me go.

"Yeah well, better that than being completely blind to the feelings other people are holding. You are so far in denial about anyone around you John Winchester it's amazing you can't see the damn Pyramids of Giza!" I said furiously.

"What are you talking about?" He asked, confused look on his face.

"You want to talk about Dean and me? We are both in love and you can't even see it! You're so blind!" I said to him, regretting it as soon as it left my mouth.

"Wait, you're in love _with Dean?!" _John spluttered. I stopped and looked at him. _Huh?_

I snorted at the idea. "No! You idiot! I'm in love with you!" John just stared at me, and I bit my lip, taking a few steps back, unsure of how he would react.

All kinds of emotions flicked across his face and I wished I could take it all back, go back to the start of the day – a do-over.

John grabbed my arms, jerking me into his body I gasped in shock an elated thrill running through my body. He claimed my lips in a deep intoxicating kiss. His teeth closed hard over the sensitive skin on the underside of my lip, and I tasted blood. John and I both broke apart with a groan. Dare I say it my knees actually felt weak?

"Did you really have to bite me?" I asked breathlessly. He chuckled and nodded.

"Well I gotta mark my woman." He said in his husky voice. I shivered.

"I like that... your woman," I said with a smile.

"You are," he said quietly, looking at me seriously. "I can't lose you too. You're the only thing that's been able to bring me back to life." He said simply. When he met my gaze again tears were shining in his eyes.

"Without you I would have been dead a long time ago." I said quietly. "I need you." I said, meaning it.

He smiled, and then kissed me again. This kiss was different to the others we'd shared over the last few months. It was sweet, there was no anger, no despair, no passionate desperate need or hunger.

It was simply two people seeking comfort and protection from a shitty reality.

And then reality bit us in the ass.

"Nicole…" My dad's voice trailed off as I sprang backwards, like I'd been electrocuted. I swung my head around facing my father with a classic deer in the headlights look. "What the hell?" He snarled swinging his gaze from John to me and back again.

_Shit. We were so fucked! _

"Dad. What did you need?" I asked trying desperately to play things off like he hadn't just seen his only daughter and his oldest friend kissing.

"I need to know what the hell I just saw!" He roared at me. I flinched, tears pricking my eyes for the millionth time that week.

"Daddy, it's not what you think." I said trying desperately to keep the tears from falling and at the same time calm my father down.

"Really?!" He ranted. "Because I think I just saw my oldest friend kissing my twenty four year old daughter!"

"Twenty three." I corrected automatically, not realizing the part I should have been correcting was the kissing part. _Crap. That just made things sound a whole lot worse. _

My dad was so red in the face, I wondered for a minute if he might stroke out. He just whirled and stomped and raged his way back to the house.

I hurried after him crossing to the entrance of the small shed before I realized John had barely moved.

I reached back to snag his arm. "Let's go Winchester. You're all 'I'm gonna protect you'. Nice way to show it by letting my dad murder me." I snapped, dragging him along by his sleeve.

My heart was pounding a million miles a minute, by the time John and I had caught up with my dad he had reached the front porch and was making his way into the house. We followed him into the library.

"Dad please just let me explain!" I tried again while he was looking for something, basically ignoring me.

"Why don't you Cole? Why don't you explain why in the hell it appears that my best friend is a little too comfortable with my daughter's body?" He snapped at me.

"You don't understand." I said quietly, unable to make myself explain anything.

"Your damn right I don't understand. Tell me John," He said turning to face John who had been eerily quiet during this whole damn argument. "Tell me how long have you been fucking my daughter?" He questioned, his voice silent deadly. I flinched at the crude words falling from my father's mouth in regards to me.

I glanced back at John, waiting for the reply that would attempt to smooth things over. It never came. Instead John crossed the room in two strides, hauled off and punched my dad in the face. "That's your daughter, you're talking about like that Bobby." He said a quiet rage fueling his words. "I may be a lot of things and I have certainly fucked up more times than I can count but I will NOT let you disrespect your own child like that."

"Hey!" I protested. "I'm not a child." I snapped at them both.

"Like hell you aren't," My dad ground out through clenched teeth.

"You need to get the hell outta my house and stay the fuck away from my family!" My dad growled at John his voice gravelly and low.

I gasped. No, he couldn't leave, I wouldn't survive without him. "No." I cried launching myself forward. "You can't leave me. No." I said desperately. _I wouldn't make it._

He glanced down at me. "Baby. I have to." He said quietly. I shook my head as tears once again threatened to choke me.

"I won't make it without you. I need you. " I said trying to make him understand. Then it hit me. _I couldn't stay here._

I stormed up the stairs to my room and started tossing clothes and other essentials into my bag, my journal, iPod, some money, a couple of my favorite books, a knife... I picked up a photo that was half hidden among other things on my bedside table. It was of John and me from a few months ago, we looked happy. I sighed, tucking it into my journal and putting it into my bag. How quickly things changed.

Dad's face was livid when he saw me come back down the stairs. John had been busy getting the kids' bags from their room.

"You're not going anywhere with him!" My father snarled at me.

I spun at his words. "You can't tell me what to do. I'm not a child anymore!" I yelled at him.

His face darkened. "Watch me." He snarled. "I'll have your ass locked in that damn panic room until you're thirty." He growled threatening me. "This man is twice your damn age with children who are younger than you, and a suicidal death wish." He was storming through the house and I saw him head for the gun cabinet.

"I forbid this from happening under my roof. Do you understand me Nicole?" He questioned, picking up his shotgun and turning it on John as he walked back into the house.

"I said get out of my house!" Dad yelled at John, who held his hands up in a pacifying manner, backing toward the door. The Impala pulled up and Dean and Beth were getting out of the car looking startled at the sight of my dad pushing John out the door with a shotgun pointed to his chest. Sam sat in the back, looking a bit beat up, and I grimaced, fighting back my guilt.

"Hey, hey what's going on?!" Dean called out, hurrying forward. I stood next to dad on the porch, starting to panic.

"Bobby, let's talk about this..." John said calmly.

"Nothing to talk about Winchester!" Dad snarled at him, cocking the gun at him.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Dean said, reaching them.

"Bobby!" Beth gasped, she looked beside herself, standing a few feet away.

"You kids need to get out of here, this doesn't involve you," Bobby said to Dean and Beth. Beth was pulling at Dean's arm but he shrugged it off.

"Bobby..." John tried again.

"Shut up! I've heard all I want to out of you!" He said. I started to panic, and I moved in between John and my dad.

"Dad... stop." I said to him, and he hesitated.

"Get back in the house Nicole." He said to me. I shook my head.

"You leave now, you don't bother coming back, you understand me?" He said angrily, tears glittering in his eyes. Dean and Beth made surprised sounds.

I paused taking a minute. I looked at him stonily. "I understand perfectly." I said, grabbing my bag and almost running to my car. I tossed the bag in the passenger seat, then started up the car, putting it in gear and spinning the tires as I almost fishtailed away from the house. I had to get away, to breathe without a damn gun in my face for five minutes. I needed to just cool down and think things through, alone.

I watched in the rear view mirror as John pushed Dean and Beth back toward the Impala, moving to his own truck and getting in, then I was out of sight, wheels spinning as I hit the black top and kept on going.

* * *

Song used was Clarity by Zedd. And the further I got into this chapter the more it fit, like to a freaking T!

* * *

Author's Notes

All right guys I know the wait was a little longer than I promised but I actually rescheduled my exam. I haven't taken it yet I'm gonna take it this Wednesday at 2pm so pray for me!

Belladonna I love you! I have to say if it hadn't been for you this would have been the chapter I'd have said to heck with it and chucked this story out the window so you all have the lovely Belladonna78 to thank for this!

Go check out her stories Highway To Hell, and All Hell Breaks Loose

I hope everyone loves it while I anxiously go spend the next 48 hours cramming for my NCLEX Exam! I have some ideas for a few scenes for the next chapter. So I'll start on that once I am done with my test. Not sure how long it'll take me to get it up, but I'll try to be quick!

Sam, I went back and answered your questions on the last AN I just edited it. If you have any more let me know!

Ok guys I am so anxious to see what you guys think so please let me know how it is.

Oh also. I have originally set out to do what this fic was inspired from, the Bobby and John shotgun stand off. It is officially done. I accomplished one goal so for all intents and purposes it could end here, please vote yes or no!


	5. Need You Now

_It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now.  
Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now.  
And I don't know how I can do without.  
I just need you now._

_Need You Now_

* * *

**08-15-2002**

**Flashback**

_I looked dejectedly into my wallet. I was down to my last twenty dollars. I needed some help. Dad was out of the question. I was not going back groveling to him and apologizing for the circumstances that had brought John and I together. _

_Those were the best times of my life. _

_I picked up my cell scrolling through the contacts, until I came across John's number. I'd tried calling a few times in the last week or so, never getting an answer it always went straight to voicemail._

_I listened to it ring, and ring, and ring. Then the automated message came up "Your call has been forwarded to the voice mailbox." Dammit John. I sighed, snapping my phone closed. _

_I hadn't even bothered to leave him messages any of the two hundred times I'd called him._

_I flipped open my phone again selecting a different number. This one rang a few times then also rang out to voicemail. I wasn't worried. This particular person was paranoid. _

_I ended the call then hit redial. They picked up on the first ring. _

"_What?" A grouchy voice sounded from the other end of the line. _

"_Hey it's Cole." I said with a grin quirking my lips, "I'm in need of a favor. It will be so worth your while. You can even stick it to my dad…." I said in a slight sing song voice. What can I say I was feeling particularly bitchy. _

_They were silent, contemplating my proposal. _

_I waited, picking at my cuticle. _

"_What exactly would I have to do?" My new favorite person asked suspiciously._

"_Not much: I need a place to crash, feel like adopting a surrogate?" I asked coyly knowing the answer. I was always welcome anywhere he'd holed up. _

"_You are more than welcome to come to Vermont, hey and since you're coming, I could use some help with a few hunting trips." I grinned brightly. My day was looking up. _

"_Awesome, thanks Uncle Rufus, I'll be there in a day or two." I glanced back down at the single twenty. Right. I forgot. "Um, so I could use another favor." I said hesitantly. The first one had been agreed to no problem, this one was going to cause some ranting and raving._

_I heard silence. It stretched on so long, I glanced at the screen on my phone wondering if the call had been dropped. It hadn't. Then I heard the heavy sigh. Uh oh! I grimaced._

"_You need money? Dammit you are just like your father. Did he ever tell you about that time we were in Tempe, and got separated. He gets picked up by the cops, and of course busts out of jail without stopping by the evidence room to get his things. I made it all the way back to the hotel on foot and he calls asking _me_ for money. Of course I apparently have the words "Singer's Personal ATM" tattooed on my forehead in invisible ink!" He sighed, following almost immediately with: "I'll transfer it to you, what's your account number?" _

_Whew. That could have been a lot worse. I tentatively gave him my account information, not wanting to stir him up again._

_I waited around for an hour or so for the bank transfer to complete, then I filled up my car and headed towards Vermont. _

_It would take me about two days to get there, because while the Winchesters could all drive for each other when one was tired, I didn't have that luxury._

* * *

**9-09-2002**

**00:24**

Nothing can ever really prepare you for one of those middle of the night phone calls. The ones that get your heart racing as soon as you hear it. The seconds it takes to answer the ring feel like minutes and you wonder just who is in trouble, sick or dead for you to be getting the call at that hour.

"Hello?" I said quickly, clutching the phone to my ear. I was kind of hoping it was my dad, I wasn't prepared for the voice I heard.

"Nicole?" The voice was quiet and I froze, just listening for a minute. Only two men in the world called me Nicole. And this definitely wasn't my dad.

"Baby, are you there?" He asked. I sighed and rolled my eyes. _Of course I'm here moron._

I was still mad at him for not fighting for our relationship with my dad, I mean Hell I had just told him I loved him, and then he totally took off on me and refused to answer my calls! _But why was he calling so late?_

"What do you want John?" I said cautiously.

_"I just wanted to hear your voice, I need to see you." _

"Are you all right?" I asked. "Is Beth okay?"

"_You should know..._." He said, "_you were talking to her last night._" His words were heavy and he was breathing a little harder than usual.

"Have you been drinking?" I asked him. "If you already know, then why are you calling me?"

"_You need to stay out of my kids' lives!"_ John said angrily. _What? _

"What?!" I said, shocked. "What are you talking about?"

_"Dean and Beth don't need you putting stupid fanciful ideas into their heads, this is not some freaking high school classroom!" _John's voice was angry and frustrated, he had clearly been stewing on this for a little while.

"John they aren't teenagers anymore, you can't tell them who they can and can't love! You'll be an idiot if you do. Not to mention a damn hypocrite." I had been wanting to say that for a while.

_"You don't know what you're talking about,"_ John muttered to me.

I growled loudly in frustration. I wanted to bash my head against the wall.

My door opened. "Everything okay Cole?" Rufus asked as he stuck his head in the door probably coming to investigate the raised voice.

"_Who the fuck was that?!"_ John snarled furious.

"None of your damn business!" I snapped back. "You lost the right to ask me that when you let my father call all the plays. That was totally chicken shit by the way!" I snarled at him, God if he'd been in front of me I'd tear him limb from limb.

I rolled my eyes and looked at Rufus. "I'm fine, hon." I said quietly and he left with a nod. So maybe I was fueling John's jealous and possessive nature just a bit. To be entirely honest I hadn't known he had one.

_"Yeah well maybe you and I are the perfect example as to why... why these kinds of relationships shouldn't happen..." _John said.

"John, your rules, your stubborn ass pig headed bullshit ideals are the only issue with us!" I paused, breathing heavily and working myself up for my next tirade. "And they're the same thing that are going to push Dean and Beth away if you're not careful. They are both right on the edge, they have been for years John, you've just been too fucking stubborn to admit it!"

"Why the hell won't you let them pursue this?" I asked trying to calm myself into rationalization.

John paused thinking for a bit. _"She's his sister," _ I scoffed and rolled my eyes.

"Yeah? Mary squeezed Beth out of her did she? Or did you just sleep with Grace when you were all living in Lawrence? Tell me, does Beth know?" I was being completely irrational and ridiculous, but that was kind of the direction this conversation seemed to be going in.

_"Don't you bring Mary into this!"_ He said furiously.

"I'm not John, you're drunk and you're being an idiot." I said.

"_Well I might be an idiot, but I'd _never c_heat on Mary! How could you say that?"_ He said, slurring some of his words. I sighed, irritated by the nonsense being tossed out from the both of us. Me because I was exhausted, and John because he was drunk.

"Stop being so damn stupid John. What are you afraid of?" I asked. "Maybe you're afraid of being alone, is that it? Maybe you don't want them to run off and give up hunting. But I'm telling you: you don't cut them some slack, that is exactly what they're gonna do." I said knowing that was true. I'd hit the nail on the head.

John's voice lowered to barely audible, and I'm sure I heard a few stifled breaths, like he was fighting back tears._ "I can't do this alone. I wouldn't make it. Not without them. Not without you."_

"Well you have a funny way of showing it John. You know what, maybe we shouldn't go down this road."

_"No, Nicole, I want to see you, tell me where you are."_ He sounded lost, alone. My heart went out to him. _Why were we even fighting anyway?_ I sighed: It wasn't worth it I couldn't get hurt again.

"No, John," I said tired.

_"You said you loved me," h_e said, starting to ramble.

"I do John, but maybe love isn't enough. Maybe I need a little something more. I'm not sure what I need fits into your rules." He sighed. I could almost see him pacing and agitated.

"_Maybe."_ John said quietly._ "Maybe it is."_ He said his voice getting louder.

"What?" I asked too tired to properly have this conversation.

"_Nothing baby girl. I….I need to go. I love you!" _I gaped in darkness, sitting on my bed._ Are you freaking kidding me! Now that we were nowhere near each other. Now he's gonna say it?_

"Damn you John Winchester." I said quietly into my phone hoping he didn't hear it. I didn't have to worry though, almost immediately it droned into a dial tone. _He'd hung up on me? _I felt hurt. _How does one declare their love and hang up on you in the same sentence? Damn that man did my head in. There was no way we were through with this._

I flipped my phone open and found Beth's number in my contacts. She answered on the third ring. _"Hello?"_ Her drowsy voice was on the other end.

"Hey sweetie I'm really sorry to wake you up. But it's a matter of life and death!" I growled into the phone. "John just hung up on me and I'm gonna come down and kill the bastard. Where are you at?" I asked hopefully he wasn't trying to get her to hang up the phone. "If he's in the room play it off like a random survey call." I added helpfully as an afterthought.

Beth sounded a little less fuzzy when she replied. "_Oh…Oh yeah I can answer a few questions for you. Why not?" _

I smirked. "That's my girl. Where are you?" I repeated.

"_Oh, where do we live? Well, The Best Western, in Kittanning_." Beth replied in a drowsy pissed off voice. _Whoops._

"And is he in the room?" I asked. He was, I could hear John grumbling in the background. _Oh he is so dead!_

"_Uhm my brother, father and I are staying here for now." Excellent! Damn what a trooper. _I was so gonna owe Beth big time.

"Awesome hon, I'll be there in 24 hours. Okay, so do me a favor and don't tell him I'm coming. I don't want to give him a chance to run. Oh and one last thing: do you guys have a shovel?" I asked a wicked grin coming over my face.

Beth sighed, tiredly. "_Damn, what is it not midnight in India? No we don't have…any complaints!" _She almost faltered but recovered beautifully, then for the second time that night a Winchester hung up on me.

Great I needed to pack, and go buy a shovel.

* * *

**09-10-2002**

**20:45**

**Best Western, Kittanning, PA**

Beth's voice was still echoing over the phone to me, she'd given me the motel they were at, but not the room number. The Impala was parked downstairs, but it was communal parking and didn't really give me a clue as to what room they were in. That was ok, I had my ways.

The manager was eying me off like I was a porn star. I fought the urge to roll my eyes and conveniently pulled out the uniform badge I kept in my pocket, flashing it at him. Fortunately most people with a tiny lick of sense didn't bother approaching police officers with propositions of prostitution. Pervert.

"Let me see your ledger," I said to him, and he gulped, nodding and putting the book on the counter for me to look at. I scanned through the names until I recognized John's alias, raising an eyebrow at the _Henry Jones _listed there. _Still going with Indiana, I see. _

I made my way to room 312, where _Henry Jones_ had bought out a room for the entire month, _probably so they can lay low and let Beth heal up. _Beth answered the door when I knocked, and turned back to Dean. "Look who's here." She said, smirking, only to be shushed by him.

Dean was sitting on the bed behind Beth, looking at his watch and for the first time I heard the moaning that was going on. Beth chuckled and showed me inside. The banging and moaning next door concluded with a loud shout and Dean glanced up, looking at us with a grin.

"Five minutes and thirty-four seconds!" He said with a short laugh. "A new record!"

"Good lord, talk about lack of stamina," Beth said sadly, shaking her head. She raised her eyebrow at Dean who swallowed hard.

"Gee, no pressure or anything," he said with a nervous laugh.

Beth crawled gingerly back on to the bed with Dean and leaned in to him. "Baby, your kissing sessions last at least five times longer than that. I don't think you have anything to worry about," she said, kissing him softly before curling up under his arm.

Dean looked at her affectionately, _and dare I say it, slightly worried?_

"Like he said, no pressure or anything," I said with a grin. "Kissing is a lot different to going the distance in the heat of the moment." I raised my eyebrow at Dean and he rolled his eyes.

"What would you know about it?" He asked, looking smugly at me.

"Darlin' wouldn't you like to know?" I quipped back and crossed my arms.

Dean licked his lips and then glanced over at Beth who was gazing at me curiously. "Yeah, uh, not really..." Dean said, looking up at me again.

"So whatcha doin' here short stack?" He questioned using his nickname for me, which he knew I hated.

I shrugged, trying to make it seem like I wasn't out to kill his father. "Needed a place to crash so I called Beth to see where you all were. Decided I'd come wreck your lives too." I said with a self-deprecating grin.

"Yeah about that, what the hell happened there? Dad won't tell us a thing." Dean said trying to pry some information out of me.

"I'm not sure why the hell Dad and John were fighting, I just walked in on it. But Dad and I were fighting because I'd broken the table and then started the bar brawl. Apparently I'm a wild child." I said dismissively. "I don't feel like getting into this right now, can we just chill for a bit?" I suggested. Neither of them argued with me.

"So what's up?" I asked. Beth waved at the TV chuckling, "The scariest movie ever." _Leprechaun_ was playing and I groaned. Oh hell no. I hated this movie, but I wasn't in charge of the remote. I crawled onto the bed with Dean and Beth, I was gonna need to feel someone beside me. I backed up to the headboard; then I drew the covers around myself and settled in to watch the absolute scariest movie ever. Way scarier than _Chucky _ever thought about being. I jumped when the actress screamed.

Instinctively I buried my face in Dean's shoulder, Beth was already doing the same. Dean chuckled and shifted, bringing an arm around both of our shoulders so we felt more secure. As distractions go this scary little Irish psychopath was a good one. I glanced around at the hotel room then back to the screen where the Leprechaun was chasing down some poor mentally challenged guy for stealing his gold.

"So where is John?" I asked, trying to keep my voice calm and not give away the inner turmoil I felt. _Would he even want to see me? _He hadn't answered any of my calls.

"Went to grab us something to eat." Beth said, staring at the TV. She didn't seem worried, I didn't get a concerned glance in my direction or anything.

I turned my attention back to the TV at the exact moment when the Leprechaun was chasing down a poor chick in a wheelchair. I made a conscious decision to relax and enjoy myself. It was short-lived.

A loud bang and moaning happened from behind Beth, Dean, and I. I jumped about a foot in the air screaming bloody murder, then buried my face into Dean's chest.

Beth screamed with me, and Dean spat beer all over us before roaring with laughter, turning the timer on his watch back on. Beth grimaced, swiping at her top. "Nasty Dean. You totally spit beer all over us!" She griped at him, my heart was still racing a million miles a minute. I calmed myself down, by focusing on their banter.

"It's alright ladies, Dean is all about protecting the damsel's in distress." Dean said with a cocky self assured grin. Beth and I looked at each other from our matching positions on Dean's chest, I rolled my eyes and she sighed. _Who was he calling damsels in distress?_

They lasted four minutes this time, and Beth shook her head disappointingly. _They were getting worse!_

"Geez Cole you are such a wuss." Dean said. I glanced at him and rolled my eyes. "Who would ever think you could defend yourself against demons, witches and supernatural creatures? You can't even handle wall bangers." He said smirking at me.

I reached one hand up discreetly under his arm and pinched him, which he yelped at. "Ow dammit!"Dean glared at me, about to say something else, but then he seemed to change his mind.

"So while we are on the subject of Supernatural creatures, anyone have a lead on how to kill this little son of a bitch?" Dean asked, gesturing toward the TV whilst sticking his tongue out at me. _What were we five years old?_ The door opened at that moment and John walked in carrying a few fast food bags, a case of beer, and a pie all stacked precariously together.

"I'm down with the idea of chopping off his lucky charms." I said.

Dean snorted and Beth was outright giggling. "What the heck is it with you and castrating men?" Dean asked, curious.

"You don't want to know." I said "Trust me." I glanced at John who was staring at me, shocked to find me in the room.

"Cole are you okay? What are you doing here?" He asked suddenly worried.

_Great now he's worried about me, he'd been ducking my calls for days! Dick!_

"Yeah I'm fine!" I snapped at him, suddenly feeling irritated and moody. I wasn't exactly sure what I'd been expecting when he walked through that door. My good mood at all of us watching a good scary movie together, the way we used to before I'd fucked everything all to hell, was gone.

"I'm glad you're here, I need to talk to you." John said calmly, not rising to my temper. "Privately." He added. I noticed Beth raise an eyebrow at him, then glance in my direction. _God could she be any more obvious?_

"No. I'm in the middle of this movie, it's almost over." I said icily and returned my eyes to the TV.

I didn't notice John starting in my direction, I should have anticipated it though: When did anyone ever tell John no? I startled when a hand clamped around my upper arm, hard. He hauled me out of bed, away from Dean and Beth, and onto my feet like I was a feather.

"Ow. Hey what the hell are you doing? Let me go!" I demanded furiously. Trying to jerk my arm away from him.

"No. I told you I needed to speak to you. Get your ass outside now!" He said, his voice so low I doubted the others even caught it. He jerked me outside with him, releasing me once we'd gotten out of the room.

"I can walk for myself dammit." I said trying to get some breathing room. I shoved at him, trying to get him off of me. It was no use I wasn't strong enough and I didn't have enough room to maneuver. The minute he let me go I backed up a couple of paces and launched myself forward, shoving at him.

"Who the hell do you think you are? You can't treat me like that!" I said indignantly. _Asshole!_

I continued trying to shove at him and even took a few swings at him while he simply kept striding down the catwalk to the stairs, big mistake on his part. Him ignoring me and acting like I was nothing more than an annoying gnat was really pissing me off and I found myself getting more and more irrationally mad by the second.

He stopped at the stairs, and swung around to face me. I saw him lick his lips as he eyed me up and down and I felt a shudder run through my body; hopefully he didn't notice.

"When did you get here?" He asked, quietly, stepping up into my space.

I contemplated ignoring him. I even crossed my arms, and huffed out an irritated breath.

He chuckled and turned away at my defiance. When he glanced back at me a smirk of male amusement was in place. "You know you're going to answer me. You may as well quit trying to fight it."

"About a half hour ago." I snapped trying to hold onto my irritation. All I could think about was how close he was to me and we weren't touching.

"You're mad?" He said, almost sounding confused. _No shit! Give the man a Pulitzer. _

"Cole will you answer me dammit!?" He said irritably, when I hesitated.

"Fine I'll answer you. Yeah I'm mad, but so what? Big deal! You know what the bigger deal is? I'm hurt John. I left my father and destroyed the only family I have ever known, for you. I love you dammit! I had a chance to leave and go with you, to be with you, to be with all of you. And all I get for my troubles was one drunken phone call where you tell me to stay out of your lives?!" I paused breathing a little heavy, fighting back tears.

John's eyes softened and he took a step toward me. "No baby, don't cry. Please Nicole you're breaking my heart baby girl." He lifted my face up so that he could rain kisses on me, and my resolve instantly weakened. _I would not cry dammit!_

John pulled away looking down the catwalk to the room Dean and Beth were in. I couldn't help but glance behind me. There was no sign of them.

Directly across from the stairs there was an alcove for an ice machine and a coke machine, but it would offer more privacy. I had a feeling this would become a favorite spot while we were both here. John pulled me inside and pressed me back against the ice machine.

He claimed my lips in a possessive soul shattering kiss. "God Baby I've missed you so fucking much." He grunted as he pulled away, kissing his way down my neck.

"Me too." I gasped out. I pulled his lips back to mine, nibbling on his lower lip.

"Ahem." I heard a voice say. John and I sprang apart guiltily. _Thank God it wasn't Dean. _

"Can we help you?" John asked irritated at being interrupted. We were looking at an older man in his sixties, and he was staring at us.

"No, I just needed to get some ice." He replied, nodding to the machine I was pressed up against. John pulled me away, pushing me up against the other wall and resumed kissing my neck.

"All yours man." He mumbled, not pausing for a moment as he claimed my lips again. I pressed against John as close as I could get, running my hands up his back and tangling my fingers through his hair.

I groaned a little and tried to ignore the backwards glances from the guy getting ice, he was lingering longer than necessary, John seemed completely oblivious to this fact. I focused my attention on John, kissing every inch of exposed skin I could find.

The guy finally turned to us, again clearing his throat. John broke away and turned to give him a curious look.

"You know we are at a motel," the older gentleman said.

"And?" John asked, not missing a beat.

"Maybe you guys should get a room?" He suggested. John chuckled, shaking his head and turned back to me, his lips caught my own and then he started to nibble his way along my jaw as he lifted me up, sliding his hands under my buttocks so I could wrap my legs around his waist.

"We have a room," I said breathlessly, moaning a little. "Unfortunately his kids are in there."

The guy gave us an amused look of his own, then turned away with a little wave. "Carry on my wayward son." I thought that was an odd thing to say.

I was shocked when John broke the kiss.

"You know he does have a point." He said while I kissed my way down his neck.

"What do you have in mind?" I asked him as I pushed the collar of his shirt back so I could suck on one of the scars that was permanently embedded into his collarbone.

"I'll get you a room of your own," he said breathlessly.

"Exactly what will you tell Dean and Beth? They're used to sharing when I'm around." I pointed out and John chuckled.

"Baby, we are about to get into one of our worst fights yet, I'm a stubborn ass, or have you already forgotten?" He said. I paused to look at him assessingly. I had forgotten. In fact, dammit, I'd forgotten the whole damn reason I was here in the first place.

"Damn you John Winchester," I said with a grin, kissing him all over again.

* * *

**09-10-2002**

**21:00**

**Best Western, Kittanning, PA**

The motel manager seemed surprised to see me back at the front desk so soon.

"How can I help you Mr. Jones?" He asked John pleasantly, ignoring me at first.

His pleasantries with John didn't stop him from checking me out yet again, the first chance he got. His eyes roamed up and down my body and I shuddered, feeling particularly uncomfortable.

"I need another room, a single." John said stepping into me, putting a possessive arm around my waist. I worked to keep my face relatively neutral, but the fact that he'd rescued me yet again from a creep didn't go unnoticed; I melted into him my body instantly yielding to John_._

I smiled lightly back at him, fighting the urge to run my hand around his waist. I did lean into him more and give the creepy manager an innocent smile.

He looked floored. John was obviously older, and so much better looking and I had ignored every advance the sleaze ball had given me.

Sleazy moved behind a computer, tapping a few keys and checking for rooms. "Ahem. Do you want it right next to the room _you_ are in?" He asked raising an eyebrow at me. _Who the hell was he to judge?_

I stiffened and went to pull away from John, angrily opening my mouth. John tightened his hold on me imperceptibly refusing to let me move. Apparently he was also refusing to let this asshole rattle me. A rush of appreciation and gratitude filled me. I smiled up at him probably looking all dewy eyed like a school girl.

"Preferably not," John said with a placid smile.

The manager tapped away at the keyboard again and then smirked. "Well I'm afraid I can't offer you anything else," he said, looking pointedly at me. I was wondering if perhaps he was deliberately trying to make our opportunity to be alone difficult.

"Well I guess we have no choice then, do we?" John asked, not taking the bait.

John gave over his card to swipe and signed for it, receiving a room key in exchange. I turned away, heading for the door, with John hot on my heels, I might have been wrong but it felt like he was using his own body to block sleazy motel manager from checking out my ass.

Now we just had to convince Dean and Beth that we were fighting. I didn't think it'd be all that hard. Hell, if John had just said he was moving into the room with me instead of all this subterfuge, they probably wouldn't have given it a second thought if it meant they had some time alone. Of course, I'd forgotten John was still in denial about them.

I smirked at John as we reached the bedroom, and I stalked into the motel room. Beth was on the bed napping while Dean was channel surfing, sitting on the bed right next to her. He looked up as I came into the room.

"Hey, so you sleeping in with Beth?" He asked. I glared at him and grabbed my bag off the floor.

"Hell no! I'm not spending another damn minute with that prick of a man!" I said vehemently, and Beth stirred in her sleep. I grimaced internally, hoping I hadn't woken her up, she'd been looking a little pale earlier.

"Whatever dude," Dean said, shaking his head. "You got your own room?" I nodded in reply and he shrugged. "Well I'm sure that'll teach him," he said with a raised eyebrow.

"Shut up!" I snapped at him. I looked at Beth. "Tell Beth I'll see her in the morning." I said and I started to leave the room.

"Hey! Where is Dad anyway?" Dean asked, frowning.

"How the Hell should I know Dean?!" I said, wondering if perhaps I was acting a little overboard. "He took off and I don't care where he went! Probably find him in some dive downtown, like normal," I finished, ending with the excuse John and I had concocted.

Dean snorted, putting his arm around Beth who had cuddled up to him in her sleep.

"Yeah ok then," Dean said, "Well you know where this damsel saving hero will be if you need him." He tossed me a smug grin and I rolled my eyes.

"I think I can take care of myself, thank you very much Dean!" I used the opportunity to look indignant and walked out the door, shutting it behind me to Dean's laughter.

John was standing just outside the door with his arms crossed, a look of amusement on his handsome features.

"Prick of a man?" He asked and I shrugged.

"I was just going with the moment," I said, _and using a phrase I'd associated with him quite a few times. _

"I could see that," he commented, grinning at me.

"Come on!" I growled and shook my head. I stepped to the room next door and unlocked it, pushing the door open with a grunt.

* * *

**09-11-2002**

**01:13**

**Best Western, Kittanning, PA**

John was tense, and restless underneath me. I'd never felt him coiled so tight, like a spring ready to explode. His heart was beating out a frantic tattoo under my ear. I raised my head up to glance worriedly at him. His brow was furrowed, and he was covered in a fine sheen of sweat.

_Oh my god he's having a nightmare. _ It was a little shocking. He'd never actually fallen asleep with me, he was usually too busy watching over me. Protecting me.

This was definitely not par for the course with John. He was moaning in his sleep and moving, pulling away from me as I reached a tentative hand out to stroke his face. He reacted to the touch, jerking back and breathing hard.

"John?" I asked, chewing on my lip.

He suddenly shouted and sat up in a cold sweat, "No!" He called out, staring up at the roof.

"John, baby?" I said anxiously sitting up beside him and touching his back.

John rolled and grabbed me, bringing my body down to be blanketed by his. His eyes were troubled and dark. "Mary?"

"Uhh... no..." I mumbled at him. He looked at me, but I wasn't sure if he was seeing me or Mary in that moment. Hot lips met mine urgently and I responded with a moan, letting him take control as his hands worked their way into my hair, holding my head firmly. I gasped when he finally pulled back for a moment.

"I'm not Mary," I said to him, looking into his eyes. He paused and frowned at me.

"I know that..." he said with a deep, husky voice. He blinked. "I know that Nicole." He reiterated before claiming my lips again, biting possessively down on my lower lip and sucking at the welt he made. He pushed me to the mattress and I stared up at the deep brown eyes that were now open, clear and full of heated desire.

I hesitated a bit. I wasn't used to being in this position, and it was making me antsy, but it didn't matter. He needed me, and as many times as I'd needed him and he came through for me, I could certainly push through this small automatic hesitation and anxiety. _For him I would do just about anything. _

He said nothing, he just looked into my eyes. I nodded my head. "I know. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." I reassured him with quiet conviction. He lowered his head to mine again, kissing me soundly, his tongue soothing the small sting of pain.

For the first time in a long time it wasn't that I needed him. I wasn't needing him to numb the pain, to combat my demons. We were just two people, and for once he needed me.

When he pulled away I groaned. I watched in the dark as he swiftly removed his shirt. He placed his hands on my stomach, underneath the hem of my shirt. I moaned as his hands traveled upwards, at the same time effectively removing my top. The sensation of his hands brushing up my body in one movement was incredible: I gasped.

When he reached my breasts, first his fingertips then his roughened calloused palms brushed, barely there across both nipples simultaneously. I arched my back, nearly coming up off the bed. "God John." I said quietly, it came out as barely a whisper.

His hands reversed their direction discarding my panties as he kissed, licked, and bit his way back down my body.

He kissed me again, drawing my bottom lip into his mouth, gently teasing with his teeth. I moaned the sound loud in the quiet hotel room. He broke the kiss releasing my mouth as he kissed his way down to my breast. The delicious tingles of electricity were working their way through my bloodstream.

He trailed a hand down my stomach, slipping finger inside me to test my body's response to him. I flushed with embarrassment. My heart and soul were ready and waiting, responding with everything in me, but my body was another matter right now.

He kissed his way down my stomach, down the inside of my thigh. He grinned up at me. "Payback's a bitch," he said, and I looked up in surprise, realising his intention.

"Little girl I can teach you things you've never even imagined." He said resuming his kisses down my body. An electric thrill shot through me and my womb clenched in anticipation. He lowered his head to my body. His tongue felt like a velvet rasp against my clit, I jerked in response to the sensation, my womb clenched again, more urgently. I closed my eyes as Johns tongue stabbed deep, then came up to swirl around me. I whimpered as he repeated the movement, clutching at the pillow above my head.

I was so sensitive, every flick of his tongue caused me to arch and tense up until I was nothing more than a tightly wound coil, ready to snap. John's tongue stilled and his hands started to knead my thighs.

"Take a breath," he instructed and I suddenly remembered to breathe, relaxing my legs a little. I groaned on the out breath and John chuckled.

"God you're fun," he said. "You need to relax baby girl, this is so much more enjoyable if you're not about to jump off the bed."

"Well I can't help it!" I muttered, but I grinned down at him.

"Hmmm," he said thoughtfully, raising his eyebrow at me. "Well every time I feel you tense up I'm going to stop..." he said and I felt my mouth drop. _We'd be here all damn night!_

I swallowed and nodded at him, willing myself to relax, telling my muscles to go limp and just enjoy what was happening.

John started again and I couldn't help the moans that fell from my mouth. He was right, the more I relaxed, the better it felt, but _god it wasn't easy! _When he started to suck on my rock hard clit I almost jumped out of my skin, crying out in pure ecstasy. As soon as I tensed up however, he stopped, and looked up the length of my body.

"No fair!" I whimpered and he grinned, waiting for me to relax a bit, then starting again. I was going to die, there was no doubt about it, John Winchester was going to be the death of me, and not in a bad way.

I had no idea when he'd started to work his fingers into the mix, but suddenly I felt myself filled up, his tongue brushing along my folds, circling my clit and repeating as he pressed inside me with a couple of fingers, inching in and finding that one sensitive spot. I bucked against him and cried out loudly, drawing in a ragged breath.

"God if you stop now I'm going to kill you myself," I said, rocking in to him. He relented, dragging his fingertips along that spot, sending delicious shock-waves all along my body. He drew my clit into his mouth at the same time, swirling with his tongue and gently massaging it with his lips.

I arched up, I couldn't help it, everything he was doing made me want to slide out of my skin in a big messy puddle. I had never been a screamer, but I was ready to start now. I groaned loudly, rocking in time with each little suck, each nibble, each thrust of his fingers.

"John! Oh John... yes... oh my god yes...!" My legs tensed, and I arched, holding in place as tremors washed over me, I rode them with loud moans, not caring who the hell heard because it was just that good. Wave after wave hit me, and I thought I might stop breathing as I throbbed under his lips, twitching and pulsing. When it passed it was like a blanket settled down upon me, a warmth that wrapped me up in a safe cocoon and held me.

I felt John move his way up my body, kissing as he went, and then the hard pulsing arousal that had so far gone unsatisfied. I groaned at the thought and reached for him, grasping his face and pulling him down to kiss him languidly. He positioned himself over me, hot, hard and ready. I opened my hips to him, sliding along his tip and he groaned, inching his way in.

"God I hope no one is timing us, because I'm not gonna last long after listening to that, baby," he said and he plunged inside of me, causing me to groan again.

* * *

**09-11-2002**

**08:30**

I stepped out of the shower, one hand going to the towel rack. I grabbed a towel, and wrapped it around myself and another for my hair. I wrapped it turban style flipping the ends over my shoulder.

The door opened and John stepped in behind me. "Damn. I was hoping to join you." He said suggestively with a twinkle in his eye. He wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my neck, licking at the drops of water collecting on my skin.

"Mmmhmmm." I groaned at the thought. "You know I did have that daydream a few weeks ago." I admitted shyly, a bit of a blush creeping up my cheeks.

He met my gaze in the mirror. "I seem to remember that one. The sounds coming from that bathroom…." He trailed off licking more water from my skin.

"Oh God." I moaned half in awakening arousal and half in embarrassment. John chuckled at my expense.

He stepped away and began pulling his shirt off. "What are you doing? You can't shower. You were supposed to be drinking last night you need to at last look like you slept in your truck." I chastised him. "If you come in fresh and clean they'll know." I said a little worriedly. Biting my lip.

John just blinked at me, a slow grin forming on his face. "You've given this a lot of thought haven't you?" He said with a smug smile.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Oh shut up." I said exiting the bathroom to pull some clothes on then made my way next door, where Dean and Beth were curled up around each other making out.

"Hey guys look alive." I said chirpily as I walked in the door quick to close it in case John came through. Last thing we needed was that fight. We needed a bit of peace.

Dean and Beth pulled apart leisurely, while Dean grumbled in my general direction. "You know we really should come up with some kind of code word, or signal so that you aren't always interrupting us." Dean said bringing up the fact that the last time I'd interrupted them they'd been skinny dipping and doing some _exploring_.

"Well a signal might save my eyesight, but it wouldn't save your asses when your dad decides to walk in." I said reminding him that he would much rather I catch them than his father.

"Dude!" Dean exclaimed all of a sudden. "Speaking of doing the dirty…." He trailed off as the door opened up and John walked in. I stiffened, and turned back to Dean exaggeratedly rolling my eyes. _Have to keep up the pretense of being mad._ I reminded myself.

"You should have been here last night. We got woken up around 1 AM to some chick having a mind blowing orgasm, she totally had to be faking it. I mean no one is that good!" Beth and I exchanged quick grins and shared an eye roll.

"Really no one?" I questioned nodding at Dean as he realized what he'd just admitted to.

"Well present company excluded." He said clarified as Beth turned to look at him curiously.

"I mean geez it was so distracting I totally forgot to time it." Dean said then he turned to Beth. "How long do you think it was?" He questioned.

Beth looked startled, but glanced at me with a knowing twinkle in her eye. "Oh I don't know, maybe ten minutes."

"Nah I'm pretty sure it was longer than that." Dean said confidently. "I'm gonna say fifteen to twenty."

I cocked an eyebrow a cocky, knowing grin coming over my face, I glanced behind me at John who I had to admit had made an effort to look like he'd actually slept in Truckzilla. We exchanged glares, that were really a secret damn we're good.

"I don't know if this orgasm sounds as good as you've made it out to be I can imagine it must have taken forever to ride." I said with a ear splitting grin. "I think we should go a little higher." I said watching John from the corner of my eye as he shuffled though his clothes and groaned heading to the shower. He had a hand over his mouth but I'm pretty sure that as to cover the extremely satisfied grin on his face.

My phone rang while we were debating what to do about breakfast. I looked curiously at the display and then flipped it open.

"Uncle Rufus, what's up?" I asked.

"_You girl! What the hell, you run out on me in the middle of the night, you don't call, you don't text..."_ He was sounding agitated but I brushed it off.

"Geez Unc, you saying you're worried about poor lil me?" I said with a grin.

He paused and then sighed. "_Yeah okay, I figured you went running after whatever loser you were on the phone to the other night. Truth is, I need you to go work a job for me."_ Rufus sounded almost embarrassed, now we were getting to the real purpose for the call.

"Me? A job? Since when do you palm them off?" I said with a raised eyebrow.

"_Since it involved drownings in lakes. I don't do water, you know that_." I chuckled. Rufus couldn't swim, and it was a never ended source of amusement among Dad and some of their hunting buddies. Whenever there was a water spirit involved, you generally saw Rufus running for the hills, unimpressed.

"Just like you don't do the Sabbath?" I asked teasingly.

"_That's right!"_ He snapped. "_You gonna do this or not_?" He asked, and I rolled my eyes.

"Depends, what's in it for me?" I asked with a cheeky tone to my voice.

"_More time with Winchester!"_ He grumped. And I smirked. _Oh yeah I could use some more time._

"I'll do it." I agreed, hoping I didn't sound too eager.

I snapped my fingers at Beth. "Hey I need a pen and paper." I whispered to her. She grabbed one off the bedside table and brought them to me.

"Okay, Rufus give me the specs." I said, ready for some note taking.

"_So the latest victim is Sophie Carlton, age 18 she was last seen swimming in Lake Manitoc, and never again set foot on dry land. Police dragged the water and never discovered her body." _Rufus said with a sigh.

"_There have been three separate drowning's so far for 2002, and none of the other bodies were discovered either." _It sounded like a solid case now we just had to do the leg work.

"Alright Uncle Rufus I'll let you know what I get out of it." I said confidently.

"_You tell that Winchester fellow that if you drown, he better hope he dies trying to save ya. Or I'm coming for him!" _Rufus said, and I chuckled.

"Okay, I love you too. I'll see you soon." I said quietly.

"_Bye. Be safe." _He said gruffly. I was pulling the phone down away from my ear and I could have sworn I heard him shout at me at the last minute. "_Wear your floaties!" _He said as I hung up.

John had just gotten out of the bathroom, shirtless but dressed in a pair of form fitting jeans. I tried to be discreet while admiring the muscles rippling in his back as he pulled on a shirt. I licked my suddenly dry lips, then realised Dean and Beth were staring at me, waiting to be filled in on the phone call.

"So I think I have a case if you're all interested." I announced to the room at large. John turned a curious gaze toward me. Oh this was gonna be fun.

* * *

**Author's Notes**

So this concludes Chapter Five I would love to know what you guys thought! I swear it wasn't supposed to take me this long to get this out. I had started one version was having problems getting on board with it, so I used parts that I liked. Then I started another version had problems getting key pieces to fit where I needed them so then I scrapped that one too using it for junk metal. This chapter was literally written three different ways. It was a pain in the ass. But I am finally satisfied with it.

* * *

If it hadn't been for Belladonna78 I would never have gotten this chapter finished. But I now love it and up next is a hunt. If you want to see more Dean and Beth check out 1. Highway to Hell and 2. All Hell Breaks Loose and soon to come is a third story, so stay tuned for that one! Thank you Belladonna for putting up with all my idiosyncrasies as I ripped apart this chapter. You are Awesome!

* * *

Now onto the note that I am sure everyone is ecstatic to hear about. My licensing exam. I failed the motherfucker! So yeah I get to retake it in 45 days after shelling out another $339.00 I am furious! However on the brighter side I can have more time to write!


	6. Holy Water (Dead in the Water)

_Somewhere there's a stolen halo  
I used to watch her wear it well  
Everything would shine wherever she would go  
But looking at her now you'd never tell_

_Someone ran away with her innocence  
A memory she can't get out of her head  
I can only imagine what she's feeling  
When she's praying  
Kneeling at the edge of her bed_

_And she says take me away  
then take me farther  
Surround me now  
And hold, hold, hold me like holy water  
Holy water_

**Dead in the Water**

* * *

**Cole's POV**

**The Lynnwood Inn: Hotel and Café**

John, Dean, Beth, and I were eating breakfast in the café located in the center of the hotel parking lot, we had a copy of the Manitoc Wisconsin newspaper, and were doing some fact checking. Well at least Beth, Dean, and I were doing some fact checking, pouring over hand written notes; John was rereading the obituary pages.

John glanced up from the paper with Sophie Carlton's obit circled on it when our waitress stopped by. She was a pretty little blonde with dark eyes and way too many teeth.

"Can I get you anything else?" She asked John, using a too sugary fake voice that was about to get her nose broken. She leaned forward to gather up our plates, practically baring her breasts to the entire table.

To his credit John's gaze didn't drop once, however he did smile at her, cocking his head to the side and swiping his tongue across his lips; now in my experience that was his signature pick up line, the man didn't even need words. "No, thank you, sweetheart," he said softly in a voice that typically made me putty in his hands. His grin widened as she blushed.

I slightly narrowed my eyes before reminding myself that I wasn't supposed to play the jealous girl for everyone to see, no, that had to be for me and me alone. Still I couldn't help myself when I turned my gaze to 'Wendy' and narrowed my eyes. "Just the check please," I said cattily. She turned her gaze to me, and her smile faltered for a minute.

"Okay," she replied rolling her eyes as she walked away. Only Beth and I caught the nasty glare she shot at me. John and Dean were too busy contemplating her other 'assets'.

"Eww. Dad!" Beth exclaimed capturing everyone's attention. She glanced at me for the briefest of moments, actually I may have been imagining it. "She's got to be more than half your age," Beth said emphatically. "Plus, she's blonde."

John snorted. "Yeah Bethie, Mary was blonde," John replied, completely ignoring the whole age comment.

"Hey! I'm blonde," I said taking a slight offense to the fact that blonde jokes were about to be thrown around.

Dean chuckled looking at me. "Yeah short stack we are all aware of just how blonde you are," he said, unable to resist taking a stab at me.

I narrowed my eyes at him, sticking out my tongue. "Jerk," I snapped.

"Bitch," he quipped. Replying with our long standing acknowledgment of love in the Winchester family unit.

"What's your point Cole? Not like you're sleeping with Dad. She on the other hand practically laid everything out on our table, and I personally don't want a piece of that," Beth said exasperatedly. John and Dean both looked off in opposite directions, while Beth shot me a wink and a quick grin. _That's my girl._

I wrinkled my nose in disgust. She had a point, that woman appeared way too easy. And her easy eyes were on my man. "She's right you know. You might want to use protection if you decide to hit that. You could catch something, and at your age you'll have a harder time fighting off an infection," I said in John's direction.

John simply cocked an amused eyebrow at me, a delicious half smile on his face.

Dean rolled his eyes, hanging his head. "You know girls we _are_ allowed to have fun once in a while," he said, trailing off when Wendy came back with the check. Dean and John's eyes both followed her progress back into the kitchen, _in her skank short shorts_. "That's fun," he said indicating her with a sharply pointed finger.

John sighed, bringing us back to the matter at hand, our case. "Okay so let's recap," he said drawing the page of notes I had been going over into the middle of the table. Dean, Beth and I leaned forward into the conversation. "The latest victim was?" John asked.

"Sophie Carlton, of Lake Manitoc, Wisconsin. She was 18 years old. Walks into the lake doesn't walk out," Dean answered.

"I'm telling you, nothing good happens in Wisconsin," Beth muttered, she had a long standing aversion to the state since that was where she'd been when she'd been possessed by a demon and stabbed her father. "Authorities dragged the lake, and found, nothing. Sophie Carlton was the third Lake Manitoc drowning this year. None of the other bodies were found either."

"They had Sophie's funeral two days ago," I said noticing the date on the obituary John had been looking at.

"A funeral?" Dean questioned looking shocked and confused. _After all why have a funeral if there was no body to bury?_

"Yeah it seemed kinda strange to me too, they buried an empty coffin," I said with a shrug.

"You'll find funerals, or memorials, are often held for those who are missing, or where the bodies are never recovered. They say it brings closure," John said shifting restlessly. He glanced at me the meeting of our eyes so brief no one but us caught it.

Beth scoffed. "Closure? What closure? People don't just disappear Dad, other people just stop looking for them. Or they never start," she said her eyes narrowed.

I grimaced, taking a sip of my coke.

"What's that supposed to mean?" John asked in a quiet but stern tone.

"Beth, let's not start on this again..," Dean said cautiously, glancing nervously between John and Beth.

"No Dean, let your sister speak her piece," John said and he turned to stare at her. She swallowed and sat back a little.

"Well you know Sam's been gone for weeks now and none of us have heard a thing from him. He doesn't take my calls, neither does Bobby, for all we know he could have got an infection and damn well died!" Beth said, biting on her lip after she'd said her piece.

I exchanged a look of trepidation with Dean, holding my tongue. Beth had clearly been stewing on this for some time and needed to get it out. She'd been holding in a lot lately, what with her worry over Sam, the secret of John and I, then her own secret romance with Dean: not to mention she'd only just started to recover being tossed out a second-story window by a pissed off poltergeist. She deserved to let off some steam, especially since John was pretty much the sole reason she was feeling it.

"Sam reckons he's a big boy now, let him take care of himself," John shot back at her, and she frowned at him.

"Whatever! You know, you could have shown him a little more support. Not everyone gets a full ride to Stanford!" She snapped back at him. John looked conflicted, but he wasn't about to give in to her.

"Beth, we already went over this. Sam's made his decision. This family isn't good enough for him, he has no need for us – now we have a job to do, and by god you are going to get your head in the game and do it young lady!" John's words were harsh, but they were nothing we hadn't all heard before. He rubbed a hand over tired eyes, the first time he'd shown any chink in that armor. Beth missed it, crossing her arms and staring out the window, silently simmering.

"I'm sure Dad is taking care of Sam, Beth," I offered softly, trying to calm everything down. I said it for her as much as I said it for John, he might not be admitting to it, but I knew he was still worried about his son, probably more than Beth was.

"Don't go bringing that ass into things!" John muttered, shaking his head and I looked at him a little offended. _That's my Dad you're talking about! _I thought, but then I remembered our parting words to each other and sighed. John and Dad were way too alike for comfort, his standoff with me wasn't all that different to John and Sam.

Beth huffed, but seemed to simmer down a bit at what I'd said. Dean was gnawing on his lip, clearly biting back words that he wanted to say. He was still stewing over Sam's exit too, and had been arguing with Beth over it since it happened.

Wendy walked by again, drawing John's gaze and Beth kicked me under the table, scowling at John. "Get your head in the game, _Dad..," s_he said to him, still obviously a bit pissed. Dean nearly spat his drink all over the table, choking back his mouthful of coke.

"Enough with the attitude Beth! I'm not gonna warn you again," John said sternly.

Beth sighed and sat back, looking at Dean who had reached under the table. She seemed to settle down and I figured maybe he'd had something to do with that – amazing what a simple touch could do from someone you loved.

"Sorry Dad," Beth said softly, biting her lip. John nodded.

"Can we just get out of here? Please?" Dean asked. "Before we all end up in freaking family counseling?!"

"Fine," John conceded wearily. "Beth, Dean you guys go speak with the police. Cole, you and I will go talk to the vic's family."

We all nodded in agreement at our assignments. John reached a hand into his inside jacket pocket and extracted ID badges for U.S. Wildlife Service. He flipped them open and handed them out respectively. John kept hold of Hammill's ID, passing Mayhew to me, Ford to Dean, and Fisher to Beth. I flipped it open gazing at the picture of me. My hair had been a mess the day dad had taken this picture and it was on every single one of my identities.

"God my hair," I said in embarrassment. "It was a mess."

Dean chuckled at me. "I know why do you think you got Mayhew?"

I widened my eyes giving him a confused look. I was lost I didn't get it.

He opened his mouth letting out a strange sounding roar that was vaguely familiar, but I couldn't quite pla…. "Hey!" I exclaimed in outrage. "Asshole! I am not Chewbacca… Jeez Dean. Freaking Chewie really?!" I huffed out an irritable breath. While Dean chuckled away looking very pleased with himself.

Beth sniggered behind her hand. John had an amused smile on his face when I met his gaze. He knew better than to actually laugh.

My levity was short lived as I turned my thoughts back to Sam and my dad. _Which ID would Sammy have gotten if I'd been where I was supposed to be, and he was where he was supposed to be?_

I rose quickly exiting the booth fast as Wendy walked past carrying a tray load of dirty dishes. And to think twenty minutes ago she had been my biggest worry. _What was I going to do about my family?_

* * *

When I realized I'd be traveling with John, I'd flipped through my contacts in the area – well, mostly Dad's contacts, but that was splitting hairs. Olivia Lowry was on the way, near Cleveland, Ohio. A quick phone call to her and I'd arranged to leave my car with her for the duration of the hunt.

John and I had been quiet as we'd left Olivia's, not saying much, both of us lost in our thoughts. I sighed dejectedly, leaning my head against the cool glass of the window feeling uncharacteristically down for the first time since I joined the Winchesters.

"Penny for your thoughts?" John said glancing at me. I tore my gaze away from the green landscape flying by out of the window to meet John's eyes. He wore a concerned expression.

"Nothing," I said lightly with a small smile. "Just enjoying the company," I said reaching my hand across the seat to intertwine our fingers together.

"Come on Nicole. You've sighed five times in the last mile. Talk to me," he said squeezing my hand sharply in a reprimand.

"Do you ever wonder if you did the right thing?" I asked vaguely. John glanced at me his brow furrowed in confusion. "Raising the boys as hunters," I clarified. "Do you ever wonder if they may have wanted something more, something better than a life hunting?" I asked softly.

John's expression changed, becoming mask like. "We are not getting into this," he said sharply, warning me not to go there. However whenever I got my teeth into something I tended to grab a bigger bite and keep a better hold, like a damn pit bull.

"John, I know you're worried about Sam. But the truth is you did the best you could do as a parent. I'm sure he knows that," I said trying to keep him calm and still be able to speak my mind. "And besides, baby he's just going off to college, not war. He has plenty of combat training. He'll be fine," I said reassuringly.

"Yeah," John said glancing at me. "Just like you were fine?" He asked.

I dropped my gaze. "We aren't talking about me. We are talking about your son," I said avoiding his question. "Sam will be fine. He's strong so much stronger than me," I said my voice rising to show my conviction.

I was silent for a moment before continuing. "By the way you were totally flirting with that waitress," I said arching an eyebrow at him and changing the subject.

He smiled, while giving me a small shake of his head. "Nah, I wasn't flirting I swear," he said in denial, bringing our combined hands to his lips so he could kiss my hand.

"Uh huh," I said unimpressed. "So then what were you doing?" I asked challenging him, although I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer.

He remained silent glancing ahead of him at the road. "I was covering my tracks," he said cautiously.

I raised my eyebrows. "Seriously? Covering your tracks? From what?" I asked incredulously.

"Well I don't know if you think the kids have noticed anything off, however I have been spending a huge amount of my time all wrapped up in you," he said, giving me a salacious grin.

I couldn't help but grin back at him, after all it was the truth.

* * *

**Lake Manitoc, WI**

**Carlton Residence**

John and I pulled up outside the Carlton residence. He turned to me, "Let me take the lead, anything you feel needs to be covered go ahead and ask it," John said reiterating what he expected of me. _Fall in line, don't spook the family. _I nodded my head at him. Show time.

When we knocked on the door a young man answered. "Will Carlton?" John asked.

The young man looked slightly shocked. "Yeah that's right," he answered.

"I'm Agent Hammill. This is Agent Mayhew. We're with the U.S. Wildlife Service. We're here about what happened with your sister," John said in an authoritative voice, flashing his badge at the kid.

The kid stepped out of the house and walked down off the porch and out towards the lake, leading us away from the house. "She was about a hundred yards out," he said turning to face us, a pained expression on his face. "That's where she got dragged down," he said glancing at John.

"And you're sure she didn't just drown?" John clarified.

"Yeah she was a varsity swimmer. She practically grew up in that lake. She was as safe out there as she was in her own bath tub." Will said looking out across the lake.

"So no splashing, no signs of distress?" I questioned.

Will shot me an aggravated glance. "No that's what I'm telling you," he said.

John looked at me as I pressed on. "Did you see in shadows in the water? Maybe some dark shape breached the surface?"

He turned his gaze back to Will, who responded with, "No, again she was really far out there."

"Did you ever see any strange tracks by the shoreline?" John asked.

"No, never. Why? Why what do you think's out there?" Will asked nervously.

"Well we'll let you know as soon as we do," John said moving away and pulling out his cell phone as he went heading back towards the truck.

"What about your father?" I pressed. "Can we talk to him?" I asked softly, not wanting to push our luck.

Will glanced back out towards the dock behind him where his father was seated. He turned back to me with a sigh. "Look, if you don't mind, I mean, he didn't see anything and he's kind of been through a lot." Will said softly.

"We understand," I said sympathetically. I turned away to follow John back to the truck.

He was on the phone when I entered the passenger side. "Yeah well the kid said he saw something grab his sister."

He listened for a minute while either Dean or Beth clarified some information. "That's right Will Carlton. He wasn't sure what but he was positive there was no way she drowned," John said.

"Okay, Beth. We'll meet you at the station. I think I saw a motel right around the corner. Uh. Hey what was the name of that motel?" John asked looking at me and raising an eyebrow. He reached out a hand to me and brushed aside the collar of my jacket, touching a small bruise I had noticed earlier this morning.

"Lakefront," I supplied batting his hand away and returning my jacket collar.

"Lakefront. Okay, meet you at the station we can go from there," he said grinning at me. "Yeah baby girl, bye," he said before hanging up the phone.

* * *

**Police Station**

When we got to the station Dean and Beth were just leaving. Beth waved us over and introduced us to the Sheriff and his daughter Andrea. "This is another team working with us. Agents Mayhew, and Hammill," Beth said as we exchanged pleasantries.

"So we need to find that motel you were talking about Nicole," Beth said to me. I raised an eyebrow at the use of my full name. "Lakefront? I think you said it was," she resumed ignoring the look I'd given her.

I nodded at her responding. "That's right."

Andrea spoke up. "It's just around the corner," she said pointing in the direction we were meant to go. "It's about two blocks South."

Dean spoke up. "Two…," he trailed off. Almost attempting to look lost. "Would you mind showing us?" He said with a small smile to her.

"You want me to walk you two blocks?" Andrea said with a smile. She seemed really sweet.

"Not if it's any trouble," Dean replied.

I smiled attempting to hide a chuckle. "He's special," I replied quietly under my breath. John glanced down at me, a confused expression on his face. Beth stepped on my foot and shot me a warning glance, just the same she didn't look real impressed with Dean. It didn't appear that anyone else had heard me.

"I'm headed that way anyway," she said, her smile still in place. She turned to Sheriff Devins, "I'll be back to pick up Lucas at three," she said bending down to kiss a young boy on the head. "We're going to the park, okay sweetie?" She asked the boy. He didn't respond and just kept on coloring.

"Thanks again," Beth said to the Sheriff, turning to follow Dean and Andrea out the door.

Dean followed Andrea closely while John, Beth and I strolled at a more leisurely pace.

"So... cute kid," Dean said with a smile.

"Thanks," Andrea said with a quick glance over her shoulder.

We were crossing the street as Dean made some crack about kids being the best, I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing. _What the hell did Dean know about kids?_

He glanced back at John who was bringing up the rear. I caught his eye giving him two thumbs down.

"There it is. Like I said, two blocks," Andrea said, turning to Dean with a knowing smile.

"Thanks," John said with a nod attempting to hide his grin. It was no use I could see the dimples.

"Must be hard with your sense of direction," she said with a slight shake of her head. "Never being able to find your way to a decent pick up line."

My mouth fell open and I clapped a hand over it while my other hand shot to Beth's arm gripping painfully as I fought not to fall in the middle of the street in rolling waves of laughter.

I think I did really well too. I only made one small sound of humor as Andrea left with a small wave. "Enjoy your stay!" She called out making her way back down the street.

John was facing Dean with a slight smile on his face. "Kids are the best? Son surely I've taught you better than that," he said raising an eyebrow at Dean.

Beth shook me off, crossing her arms. "You don't even like kids," she said.

"I love kids," Dean said with a frown.

I finally laughed. "Name three children that you even know," I challenged. Dean was thinking really hard, his brow was even creasing. He looked at me shrugging and coming up empty. I shook my head, walking past John and Dean towards the motel.

"I'm thinking!" I heard Dean say to my back. I just laughed. God the Winchesters were a blast.

* * *

**Lakefront Hotel**

I was sitting at the small table by the window in the hotel. On my laptop I was researching the other drowning victims from previous year's Manitoc Newspaper. "So there's the three victims this year…" I said trailing off.

Dean was behind me rummaging through clothes while John and Beth had gone off to get us some food. "And before that?" He questioned.

"Yeah, six more spread out over the past thirty five years. Those bodies were never recovered either. If there is something out there it's picking up its pace," I said still reading through past articles.

"So what do we have, a lake monster on a binge?" Dean asked.

"This whole lake monster theory just bugs me," I said licking my lips.

"Why?" Dean asked moving closer to look over my shoulder at the screen.

I couldn't help the whole backward glance I gave him. It was creepy I didn't like people sneaking up behind me. "Loch Ness, Lake Champlain. There are literally hundreds of eye witness accounts, but here nothing. Whatever is out there, no one is living to talk about it," I said with a frustrated sigh.

"Wait. Barr, Christopher Barr. Where have I heard that name before?" Dean asked pointing over my shoulder at the screen.

"Christopher Barr, was the victim in May, oh. Christopher Barr was Andrea's husband, Lucas' father. Apparently he took Lucas out swimming, and Lucas was on a floating raft, it was about two hours before anyone rescued him," I said with a frown, disturbed.

There was one thing that Dean, Beth and I had in common. We all knew what it was like to watch someone you loved die first hand by evil. "Maybe we have an eye witness after all," I said with a sigh running my hand through my hair.

"No wonder that kid was so freaked out," Dean said, his voice sounding far away as though he was caught in a memory. I knew I was. The moment of the night my dad stabbed my mom and Uncle Rufus had burst in. "Watching one of your parents die isn't something you just get over," Dean finished sadly.

I sighed leaning back in my chair. "We would know that better than anyone," I said quietly, letting him know that he wasn't alone and if he wanted to talk about it I was there.

Dean sighed and moved away, going to sit on the end of the bed.

"You know I barely remember that night, just images really, feelings. The fire, the heat... then carrying Sam down the stairs and outside," he said quietly. I nodded, I could relate, I'd been a lot older than Dean when my mother was possessed and Dad had to kill her in self-defense; I had been nine, it was a little clearer to me; I just hadn't understood what had happened at the time.

I'd walked in on my mother trying to stab Dad with a knife; she'd slashed through his arm and then come at me when I screamed. Dad never had a choice, he had to wrestle the knife from her himself, and then turned it on her. But that hadn't made her stop, she'd just laughed, her eyes turning black as the night sky, pulling it from her stomach and coming at us again.

Dad had grabbed me, pulling me into the pantry and we'd stayed there until Rufus saved us.

The memories were fading with time, I found. "Yeah, I know what you mean," I said to him.

"I don't know what's worse," Dean said suddenly, frowning.

"What do you mean?" I asked, sitting next to him.

"Well Beth, she was a teenager when it happened to her, and it still haunts her. The amount of times she's woken up screaming from a nightmare..." he shook his head sadly. "But at least she remembers, you know? Half the time, I don't even know why I'm still fighting."

I frowned at him. I'd been on the receiving end of one of those nightmares; I'd seen the terror in Beth's eyes as she relived stabbing her father and being unable to do a thing about it. I was fairly certain it was better not to remember.

"You know I've had one job and one job only since that night. Take care of Sammy. When Beth came, she got added to the list, but it's not the same – she takes care of me too, you know?" Dean said. I nodded and he looked up at the wall. This was not a normal conversation with Dean; this case had obviously rattled him. Or maybe Sam leaving for college had?

"You're allowed to let him go," I said quietly, taking a stab in the dark.

Dean looked at me and I knew I'd hit the nail on the head. "I'm not sure I know how," he confessed. "Beth keeps saying he's still just a kid, and I argue with her, he's nineteen years old! But she's right. He is just a kid to us, he always will be."

"He'll be okay Dean," I said, leaning against him in a friendly manner.

"Yeah... maybe," he said. "But will we?"

"Well, you know, maybe you guys need some time, just the two of you – you've got this new relationship to explore, Sam has college to explore, maybe it'll be good for everyone. Figure out what Beth means to you now the pair of you don't have to watch over Sam all the time. Have some fun!" I was talking out my ass, I wasn't sure I believed a word I was saying, but it seemed to comfort him, or at least give him food for thought.

"Yeah, thanks," he said, looking down at his hands.

"Just don't go hurting my girl!" I warned him. He looked at me in surprise.

"You kidding?" He asked.

"Well, you don't exactly have the reputation of a virginal saint," I said to him, smirking.

Dean nodded, looking down at the floor again.

"Don't go pushing her away anymore," I said to him and he looked at me with an amused expression.

"Me? You think I've been the one pushing away?" He asked. I raised my eyebrow at him.

"Dude you have so got that backwards," he said with a short laugh. "I've loved that girl since she was seventeen years old, god maybe even earlier than that, she's the one who's been running away all this time," he said quietly.

"Did Dean Winchester just use the word _love?_" I teased him and he shoved me playfully.

"Shut up!" He said, getting up and going to pour himself a drink from the mini-bar.

"Have you told her?" I asked, he shook his head negatively. "Has she said it?" I questioned, pushing further. He turned to look at me, a slight nod of his head.

"You need to tell her Dean," I said, coming over to get my own drink.

"She knows," he said stubbornly.

"God what is it with you Winchesters and your damn inability to tell people how you feel?" I muttered, taking a gulp of whiskey.

"What?" Dean asked.

"Nevermind," I said dismissively, kicking myself mentally for nearly giving away my secret. "Just trust me Dean. You need to tell her, say the damn words."

He looked at me thoughtfully and took a long drink from his own glass.

John and Beth came back through the door at that point, and it was time for pizza.

* * *

**Park**

**John's POV**

When Beth and I had arrived back at the hotel with the food, Dean and Cole had filled us in on the case. Talking to the boy seemed like a long shot to me; however Cole and Dean so very rarely agreed on anything, I was willing to give their combined opinion the benefit of the doubt.

I spotted Andrea sitting on a park bench watching her son play. Dean and I crossed the distance to her. "Can we join you?" I asked softly not wanting to alarm her.

She glanced away then back at Dean and I. "I'm here with my son," she said. _Great, the 'I'm here with someone else' card. Granted that someone is about seven or eight._

Dean glanced over in the direction where the boy was coloring. "Oh great, mind if I say hi?" Dean asked not waiting for an answer and striding off.

Andrea turned to me with a smile as I sat down beside her on the bench. "Tell your friend this whole Jerry McGuire thing isn't going to work on me," she said with a grin.

I offered her a small humorless smile. "Oh, I don't think that is what this is about," I said playing the devil's advocate.

"And you know your work colleague well enough to vouch for that do you?" She asked with a smile.

"Pretty well, I practically raised him – he's like a son to me," I said with a chuckle.

"Oh," she said, not sure how to answer that.

"Has Lucas said anything about what happened to his father?" I asked Andrea, as we watched Dean approach Lucas.

"No. He hasn't said a word, not even to me. Not since…. his dad's accident."

"Dean went through a similar thing when he was four years old," I said with my eyes on my son as he sat down and started trying to engage Lucas in a chat.

Andrea looked at me, a curious expression on her face.

"His mother died in a house fire and after that, he sort of shut down for a long time," I commented. Dean had stopped talking after Mary died, he just sat there, staring at Sam and watching over him. He wouldn't leave the baby alone, saying it was his duty now to take care of Sam. He'd been doing it ever since.

"What changed?" She asked, nodding at Dean and indicating that he was obviously a talker now.

"Oh, well he had to look after his brother. The baby was only six months old when they pulled him out of the fire, Dean sort of took him on as a responsibility when their dad was having a hard time of things," I said. I looked down at my hands and wondered if perhaps I hadn't been a little too hard on him, expected a little too much. I pushed the thought out of my mind as soon as it came up, there was no use second guessing myself, I'd done what I had to in order to keep the boys safe, to keep Beth safe.

"Well... it does sort of give me hope," Andrea said, looking over at Dean with new eyes.

Dean was walking back toward us, having finished his talk with Lucas. He grimaced as he reached us.

"Kid just talked my ear off," he said with a grin, shaking his head at me a little.

Andrea laughed. "Yeah, he's been the real chatterbox since his father's accident," she said sarcastically.

"Yeah we heard," Dean said, glancing at Andrea. "Sorry."

"Thank you," She said quietly.

"What do the doctors say?" I asked curiously.

She sighed. "That it's a kind of Post-Traumatic Stress."

I nodded sympathetically. I knew something about that. "That can't be easy for either of you."

"We moved in with my dad. He helps out a lot," she said with a small sad smile, glancing back at Lucas. "It's just when I think about what Lucas went through. What he saw…" she trailed off.

Dean and I exchanged a small look of understanding.

"Kids are strong. You'd be surprised what they can deal with," he said, attempting to reassure her.

"You know he used to have such life. He was a little hard to keep up with actually," she said looking to both of us with a smile. "Now he just sits there, drawing those pictures and playing with those army men. I just wish…" She trailed off as Lucas came to us holding out a picture to Dean. "Hey sweetie."

Dean took the picture. "Thanks. Thanks Lucas," he said and we exchanged another look.

Andrea watched him go, a sad expression on her face.

* * *

**Motel Room**

_**Cole's POV**_

The boys were off interviewing Andrea about Lucas, and so I took the time to look around the motel room, contemplating.

Beth came out of the bathroom, toweling off her hair from her shower.

"What's up?" She asked, seeing my look of concern.

"So, where are we all sleeping tonight?" I asked, raising my eyebrow at her.

Beth stopped and looked around too, chewing on her bottom lip.

"Guess you and I are sharing," she said with a grin. We always shared, so it was kind of a given.

"Yeah," I sighed. "Damn."

She laughed at me and shook her head. "You've been spoiled; try living like this for a few years _every damn day _then you can talk to me about sexual tension."

"I don't know how you do it," I muttered, shaking my head, I looked over the layout of the room, making a decision. "Okay, I want the side facing John then," I said with a grin.

"Done," she laughed, and tossed her bag between our bed and the wall.

"Will Dean sleep in with John? Why does that seem just... wrong?" I asked her.

Beth laughed. "He'll probably take the couch," she said, gesturing to the three seater couch shoved in the corner of the room. "It's long enough."

She went about setting the bed up for him, getting some spare sheets and a pillow out of the closet. She topped it all off with a blanket and I shook my head.

"You're like their mother hen," I commented with a smirk.

Beth shrugged and looked at me. "Should see us on laundry day," she laughed and I shook my head. The Winchesters had the strangest family dynamic in the world.

"Soooo... you and Dean?" I asked her, and she glanced over at me.

"Yeah?" Beth asked, shrugging. "What about us?"

"Anything you want to tell me?" I prodded, and she looked at me confused.

"Not really, why? Anything you think I should be telling you?" She asked with a smirk.

"Oh I don't know, just seemed like you'd tell me when you go and say '_I love you'_ to the man of your dreams," I said with a grin, sinking down on the bed.

"What? He told you that?" Beth asked, looking a little flushed.

"Well, I had to practically drag it out of him," I told her. She looked over at me, a curious expression on her face.

"What about you and Dad?" Beth asked, crossing her arms and turning the tables on me.

"What about us?" I asked coyly. She came over and pushed me back on the bed, pinning my arms above my head while she sat on my waist, grimacing a little at the pain that shot through her side at the action, she still hadn't fully recovered from her two-story dive.

"Tell me!" She laughed and I giggled.

"I told him okay?" I said with a big goofy grin.

"And?!" She asked, exasperated.

I rolled my eyes. "First time he said it was on a drunken phone call to me three nights ago, why do you think I'm here?"

She sat back, thinking, but she didn't get off me. I felt like all the air was being pushed out of me.

"Can't... breathe…" I over exaggerated to her; she grinned and eased up a little.

"So tell me," I said with a grin. "How does Dean like this position?" She gasped and rolled off me, coming up to look at me with a red flush across her face.

"I wouldn't know," she said coyly, raising her eyebrow.

"What, you guys haven't...?" I trailed off and she shook her head.

"Damn girl, what the hell are you waiting for?!" I asked, thinking she was a little mad.

"Well, we've kind of not really been alone to take advantage of the fact, and whenever we have been, well, I was in too much pain from the fall, or we were interrupted," Beth said, reaching to her side and tentatively touching it with a sharp intake of breath.

"Ouch," I said to her, grimacing. "Well that sucks, John and I pretty much go at it like rabbits whenever we're around each other."

"Ewwww! I don't need to know that!" Beth said with a screwed up nose. I grabbed her arm and pulled her gently back on to the bed, rolling her over so that this time I was pinning her down.

"John likes it like this," I said with a smile.

"Oh my god Cole, you're scarring me for life here!" Beth said closing her eyes as if to block out the image I had just put in her head.

"Suck it up sunshine! I gotta talk to someone about this or I'm gonna die!" I laughed.

"Looks like you'll be lonely tonight, can't say Dad has a plausible excuse for getting you in his bed," Beth chuckled and I groaned.

"I'm sure we'll figure something out," I said with a smile after careful consideration.

I looked at her, wondering at her aversion to thinking about John in that way. It's not like he was her real father or anything. Sure, they had that kind of a relationship now, and I genuinely thought she saw him as her father; still, the man was hot!

"You can't tell me you haven't looked at John and thought about how freaking hot he is at least once," I said to her. "Maybe when you were first with them? Before he became more like your dad?"

Beth averted her eyes and shifted a little uncomfortably under me, grimacing.

"You did!" I said triumphantly and she looked back at me.

"Shut up!" She said with a laugh. "Well he is like an older version of Dean you know. Oh I'm so going to Hell for even thinking that!"

The door opened and Dean came in, his eyes widening at the sight before him. He glanced back at John and chuckled.

"Well, _hello ladies_... when the boys are away, the girls will play..." he grinned, winking in our direction.

John frowned and shook his head, the slightest smile on his face.

"That would be slightly amusing Dean if it weren't for the fact that you're ogling off your sisters," he said to Dean, slapping him upside the head.

I grinned, and raised my eyebrow suggestively at him. He watched me and licked his lips, that one little motion telling me everything I needed to know. _He wanted me, he wanted me bad._

"Ladies," John said with a grin, passing us on the bed and putting a bottle of whiskey on the table.

I rolled off Beth and helped her to get up. Dean paused and gave her a concerned look when she groaned at the over-stretching of her side where she'd been partially impaled by a piece of timber. John silently handed her a glass of whiskey at the groan and she took it, knocking it back with a grimace.

"Thanks Dad," she said with a smile, he nodded and smiled back.

"Easy duties for you this case Bethie," he said to her. "I don't want you re-opening that wound or doing anything worse," she nodded and sat down at the table, helping herself to a piece of pizza.

A few hours later and we were all getting ready to settle in for the night. Beth and I were in one queen sized bed, while John had claimed the other, just as we'd suspected. Dean had taken the couch and was currently tossing and turning trying to get comfortable. I lay on my side staring at John, and he was doing his best to ignore the fact that I was.

His eyes flicked to mine a couple of times and I smiled, licking my lips. I wasn't sure how I was going to get through tonight without feeling him against me for at least part of it.

I heard Dean's breathing even out and turned my head to the side to see Beth's face peaceful and sleepy. I flicked my eyes to John who had gotten up to pour himself a drink from the mini bar.

He returned to the side of my bed and leaned down, brushing his lips across my own, his kiss strong and warm, the taste of whiskey on his breath.

"Go to sleep," he said simply, and returned to his bed. He took a final drink from his glass and then turned out the light. "Good night Nicole," John said softly, and I sighed. _Damn him._

_The house I was in looked so much bigger than I remembered it, the doorways so much taller, the hallway so much longer. I ran down it, the floorboards beneath my feet seeming to stretch out forever. My heartbeat echoed loudly in my ears, the sound of blood rushing as I fought to stay ahead of my predator._

_I turned and she was following me, her eyes as dark as night. I fell, tripping over a rug, and scrambled back as she brought out a knife, looking at me with those big black tar pits. I saw the knife come down toward me, the silver glinting in the moon light. I screamed as the blade entered me..._

I sat up in bed with a start, gasping for air. It took me moment to get my bearings, and then I realized I was in a motel room with the Winchesters. Beth rolled over sleepily, reaching a hand out to me.

"You okay?" She whispered.

"Yeah, go back to sleep baby girl," I said to her. She closed her eyes and rolled over again.

The room started to close in on me and I was starting to find it hard to breathe. I had to get outside. Slipping my feet into my shoes, I pulled a sweater on over my pajamas and stepped outside, taking the room key with me, just in case I locked myself out.

Once outside, I was able to breathe again, the world opening up to me. I was never good in tight places after that night in the pantry, hiding from my possessed mother.

I leaned against the Impala, looking up at the night sky and breathed deeply.

"Are you okay?" John's voice sounded behind me and I turned around sharply. I hadn't heard him follow me.

"Yeah, just a nightmare," I said to him, smiling softly.

He came over and pulled me into his arms, holding me against his warm body. I leaned into him gratefully, listening to his slow beating heart under my ear. Without saying a word, John brushed his hand under my chin, lifting it to nip softly at my bottom lip, smoothing the tiny little indent over with his tongue.

I moaned, leaning in to the kiss, my head tilted at an impossible angle. I felt his hands slide around my waist, lifting me to sit on the trunk of the Impala so I was the same height as him. I grinned, pleased with this arrangement, and wrapped my legs around his waist, pulling him in close.

His lips kissed their way along my neck and down my collarbone, pushing back the jacket slightly so he could slide his hands under my pajama top, coming up to caress my breast. I moaned, leaning back slightly as he pushed the top all the way up to take a nipple in his mouth, his tongue lavishing it with attention.

I wondered how practical it was to make love right now on the Impala, and almost giggled at the thought of Dean's look of horror if he were to see. As it was I was in a fairly inappropriate position, my hands wrapped around John's head as he continued to suckle at me, sending shockwaves down my body. _God, what couldn't this man achieve with his mouth?_

"Oh!" Beth's startled voice stopped us in our tracks. I swear John went a shade whiter. He pulled back hastily, covering me up. "I was coming out to check on you... Oh, no, I so didn't just … oh! God!" Beth covered her face and shook her head. "Man! You guys should give someone a little warning."

"Sorry," I laughed at her. I wasn't really. John shifted uncomfortably next to me.

Beth looked at us both and waved her hand in the air. "Carry on..," she said with a sigh, and she walked back into the motel room, shutting the door.

John was frowning at the door. "She took that rather well..." he said quietly, turning to look at me.

"Yeah..." I said, looking at him with a raised eyebrow. "About that...she's kind of known for weeks now." John's mouth dropped open.

"You told her?" He asked with a frown.

"What? No! She saw us in the garage kissing," I told him.

"Oh... well, I have to say, the attitude might be starting to make a little more sense now," he said thoughtfully. He pondered the last few weeks a bit and then shrugged. "Well, nothing I can do about that now," he said with a grin. He moved in close again, his hands sliding up under my top, running along my lower back as he kissed me again. I moaned and wondered how comfortable the back seat of the Impala was, I had the feeling we were about to find out.

* * *

_**Hotel Room, Lakefront  
Next Morning**_

**Cole's POV**

I stepped out of the shower and toweled off, slipping into a fresh pair of underwear and new jeans and a button-down top. Using the towel to dry off my hair, I stepped back into the motel room. Dean and Beth had disappeared at the crack of dawn, before either John or I had woken. He had still been sleeping soundly in bed when I went to take a shower.

By the time I had finished, Dean and Beth were back, dressed in sweatpants and hoodies like they'd been for a jog. They looked a little flushed and I wondered if it was from a jog or something else. Beth wasn't giving anything away when I looked at her.

"So I think it is safe to say we can rule out Nessie," Beth said as she and Dean stepped into the room.

"What do you mean?" I asked, confused. John shot them both a questioning glance.

"We just ran by Will Carlton's house, there was an ambulance outside. He drowned," Dean said glancing between me and John.

"Did uh we mention he drowned in the kitchen sink and uh, not the lake?" Beth commented.

I raised my eyebrows. "Wow and uh here I used to believe no one could actually drown in a kiddie pool. But a sink? Just wow," I thought I did really well, because I desperately wanted to laugh, I had a sick sense of humor.

"I know right? What the hell!" Beth exclaimed.

"So you were right Cole, this isn't a creature; we're dealing with something else," Dean said to me.

"Yeah but what the hell could it be?" I asked in frustration.

"I don't know. Water wraith maybe?" John offered. "Some kind of demon? I mean it's got to be something that controls water."

"Wait a minute," Beth said thoughtfully. "Water that comes from the same source."

"The lake," she and John exchanged an excited look. "Which would explain why it's upping the body count; the lake will be dry in a few months," John said.

"Yeah. Whatever this thing is, whatever it wants it is running out of time," Beth reminded us all.

"Here's a comforting thought," I said jumping into the middle of their brainwave. "If this thing can get through the pipes. It can get to anyone, anywhere," I said soberly. "This is gonna happen again soon," I said as Dean moved to one of the chairs at the table.

"And we know one other thing for sure," John said stepping up to let him by. "We know that this has got something to do with Bill Carlton," he said glancing at me.

"Yeah it took both of his kids," Dean said.

"I think it's going after anyone Carlton cared about," I said suddenly. "Yesterday, Beth and I were asking around while you guys were out. Chris, Lucas' father, was Bill Carlton's godson," I explained.

Dean and Beth exchanged a look. "Well what do you say you and I go and pay Bill a visit?" Dean asked Beth soberly. She nodded in agreement. They both took a few minutes to change into their street clothes and gather a few things and then Dean grabbed the keys to the Impala, slipping his leather jacket on.

"Ready?" He asked Beth and she nodded. "Okay, well, we'll see you guys later; we'll call if we find anything."

"Stay safe," John said with a nod, barely even looking up from his journal. They left and I crossed to the door, waiting.

I listened for a minute before dead bolting the door, adding the chain to it for extra measure. The minute I heard the Impala roar to life, I turned around with an excited grin. _Alone at last._

I made my way to John. "So what now?" I asked quietly. For some reason my mouth felt unbelievably dry. I licked my lips nervously. I'd done more with this one man than I had dared to with any other. He loved me and I loved him. Why was I so nervous now?

I had been excited at the prospect of some alone time with him two seconds ago now I felt scared to death. What was I expected to do?

John tossed his journal aside, standing up and taking a step forward to frame my face with his hands. "Whatever you want to do. This is your time," he said softly, quietly.

I rose up on my tiptoes to press a kiss to his mouth. He didn't attempt to take control, or teach me. He simply allowed me free reign.

I pressed kisses down his jaw line, slow methodical experimental kisses. The fervor and hunger that was always present when John and I got together wasn't there this time. I almost felt like I was doing something wrong, because I felt almost nothing. No all consuming passion, no elemental hunger, no animalistic lust: just quiet acceptance and devotion.

I raised my eyes to John's; he didn't appear to be in any hurry. Just willing to be there for me, whatever I needed. I was so sick of needing him to numb the pain. For once I wanted him because I was in love with him not because I was damaged or broken. "I love you," I declared in a small voice barely above a whisper, but I was certain he heard me. "Make love to me," I said; not a question but a request. I loved him, with everything in me.

He brought his hands up to cup my face, and I swear my skin tingled and electricity arced between our bodies everywhere he touched me. He tangled one hand in my hair, gently pulling my head back so he could take possession of my mouth. This kiss was so sweet, I moaned into it, whimpering softly. I brought my hands up to cup his face one hand rubbing along his bearded jaw, reveling in the friction it created.

His hands moved to the shirt I was wearing. I didn't move a muscle, afraid to break the spell we were under. He slipped one button out of its hole placing a kiss where the fabric had been, his thumb brushed along my skin, sending shivers down my spine at the slightest touch. Another hot kiss, another button, moving his way down my body. John peeled off his own shirt between kissing me and removing the final button, both falling to the floor forgotten.

When he reached the top of my jeans, I shuddered. He slipped them over my hips and down my legs, his hands tracing every inch of skin as they fell. He removed his own jeans before standing to kiss me again. His mouth moved a tiny bit more possessively over mine.

I was feeling it now, the urgency and hunger was picking up steam. John walked us backwards to the nearest bed: thankfully it was his. Beth might be a bit peeved if she knew we'd done this in the bed she and I shared.

John followed me down to the bed, his larger body blanketing mine. He kissed me again urgently. I moaned, baring my throat to him as he kissed his way down my neck to my breasts. The electricity was going straight to my center, long slow delicious tendrils of heat.

I gasped in delight as his mouth found my breast, his tongue and teeth teasing my nipple into a taut peak. His skilled mouth was suckling so strongly I was sure I would have bruises when we were done today.

His hands roamed my body sending my sensitive nerve endings into overdrive, as his hand trailed down my abdomen, to my core. I stiffened in anticipation, ready, and waiting. John drew back. "Are you okay?" He asked in concern.

"I'm fine, if you stop what you're doing, you're going to die," I said a little harshly. No more of this teasing bullshit. I wanted him, without one of us having a complete meltdown. He paused hesitating.

I bucked my hips into his distracted hand, whimpering, urging him to continue.

My phone started ringing. "Oh my god are you freaking kidding me?" I complained as I rolled away from John's hand to answer it.

"Hello?" I growled into the phone. _This damn well better be life or death._

"Cole, hey, we think we found something. We went to see Bill Carlton and got nowhere, so then we decided to go and see Lucas again," Beth said explaining, well more like rambling. I was only half paying attention.

John was pressing kisses down the center of my neck to the top of my spine. He snaked one arm around me, drawing me back into him. His hand found my center wet and ready for him, I fought back a moan, tossing my head back onto his shoulder.

"Well Lucas helped Dean out a bit but we are kind of searching for a needle in a haystack. We could use your guys' help," Beth said apologetically.

"Uh huh," I said, to show I was almost listening. I panted and bucked my hips into John's hand as his thumb worked my clit, pushing a finger inside of me.

"Um Cole, what are you doing?" Beth asked curiously. It must have dawned on her. "Ewww! You know what don't tell me. Yuck!" She said in a whisper, apparently Dean was within hearing distance.

"Oh gross. God. Oh nasty! OK um you guys just um carry on or whatever, and uh Dean and I will call you when we know something, anything else." I muttered my agreement and something inside Beth seemed to change. "Ya know what? No both of you come help us – Dad wouldn't let Dean and I get away with this, if he knew about us. What the heck happened to my light duties on this case?" Beth said hurriedly, getting irritated.

John adjusted the angle of his hand hitting a sweet spot inside me, and I moaned, right into Beth's ear, she made noises of protest while John pressed his mouth to my ear. "Get off of the phone," he growled at both of us.

"Oh my God!" Beth said, mortified. "I'm scarred for life here!" I whined as he pressed his thumb harder into my clit. "Get your asses out here and help us!" She snapped at me hanging up the phone.

* * *

**Unknown Residential Neighborhood**

I picked up my phone and called Beth. We'd found the church and the yellow two storey house we were searching for.

The Impala pulled up where we were sitting on the tailgate. Beth and Dean got out and walked up to us. "Cole and I are going to talk to the boy. You guys canvass the area see what else you can find," John said glancing between Dean and Beth.

Dean had pulled out the picture Lucas had drawn, while I moved in to get a better look. It was definitely the house. Right down to the church across the street and the play fence in the yard.

John and I walked together up to the house. I knocked on the front door and pulled out my badge.

An elderly woman came to the front door smiling at us. "Can I help you?" She asked kindly with a slight smile.

"Yes ma'am, my name is agent Mayhew, this is agent Hammill. We're with US Wildlife Service. Would you have minute to answer some questions for us?" I asked the woman kindly.

"I do believe I can spare a few moments," she said curiously, letting us in and showing us into her living room. "Now, what can Martha Sweeney do for the US Wildlife Service?" She asked with a smile.

"We're sorry to bother you ma'am, but does a little boy live here by chance? Might wear a blue ball cap, and ride a red bicycle?" John asked the woman gently. It was never easy to question family. We never knew what we were stepping into.

"No sir, not for a very long time," the woman said shakily. "Peter has been gone thirty five years now," Mrs. Sweeney said moving to show us a picture. "The police never…I never had any idea what happened. He just disappeared," she said sadly turning to us with wide eyes.

John shifted beside me, his gaze turning to some small army men toys; he nudged me to get my attention, nodding at them. I'd seen Lucas pulling them out at the police station. Odd coincidence.

"Losing him, you know it's worse than dying," she said tearing up. I moved to stand next to her taking her hand in a silent gesture of attempted comfort. How did one ever get over something like this?

"Did he disappear here? From this house?" John asked pressing on. I shot him a warning glance, which he pointedly ignored as Mrs. Sweeney answered.

"He was supposed to ride his bike straight home after school. And he never showed up," she said her voice getting pitchy with unshed tears.

John moved away to examine a few pictures, plucking one off of a mirror, of two boys one I recognized as Peter Sweeney, the other I didn't. John was reading the back while I looked over the front of the picture.

"Peter Sweeney, and Billy Carlton 1970," John said in resignation.

John and I made our way back outside to talk with Dean and Beth.

"Anything?" I asked. Beth shook her head in the negative. "Hon, are you okay you're looking a little green," I asked.

"Yeah I'm not feeling my best," she said with a small shrug. "But it doesn't matter, there's work to be done," she said resolutely, gazing at John with a stern look to indicated she was not impressed with the earlier phone call. "What did you guys find out?" She asked.

"Ok so this little kid Peter Sweeney vanishes, and somehow all of this is connected to Bill Carlton," I said repeating the next puzzle piece John and I had found.

"Yeah Bill sure as hell seems to be hiding something huh?" Dean said glancing at Beth as I finished. She nodded in agreement with Dean's statement.

"And Bill, the people he loves, they're all getting punished," Beth chimed in.

"So what if Bill did something to Peter?" Dean asked.

"What if Bill killed him?" John countered.

"Yeah well then Peter's spirit would be furious, it would want revenge, it is possible," Dean said in agreement.

John looked at Beth worriedly. "Beth you really do look a little pale. Why don't you go ahead and take your sister back to the motel Dean? Cole and I can handle Carlton. We'll call you if we need you guys for anything," John said.

* * *

**Carlton Residence**

John walked up to the door of Bill Carlton's place and knocked so loudly I was afraid he'd beat down the door. When we got no response, I glanced around towards the dock of the lake. Carlton wasn't anywhere in sight.

"Mr. Carlton!" John called out, walking around the side of the house. I remained by the windows looking in through them attempting to spot him, nothing.

I heard the revving of an engine, and glanced around, out towards the lake, I spotted Bill Carlton steering a small speedboat out onto the lake.

"John, check it out. He's lost two kids and a godson to water and he's steering out onto the lake. He might deserve to die," I said dryly as John and I glanced at each other then took off towards the dock. We pounded down toward the end of the pier as far as we could go, calling for Carlton to come back.

He looked back at us, and the next thing we knew his boat was blasted sky high out of the water by something neither of us saw.

John sighed in frustration at losing another victim to this damn spirit. He turned and narrowed his eyes at me. "You were saying?" He said through clenched teeth.

My eyes widened in disbelief. I raised my arms in a dismissive shrug. "What I'm not the one who freaking set Tahoe Tessie on him. Besides the more we learn about this guy the less I like him. He's looking less and less innocent and more like a monster himself," I said exasperatedly.

John sighed. "Whatever it's all probably over now, the spirit got his revenge on Carlton. He should be at rest now," I nodded in agreement.

"We need to call the Sheriff out here before some nosy neighbor does and we are painted as the last people to see him alive," I said tiredly. As glib and sarcastic as I tended to be, I hated losing innocents too, although I was pretty sure that Bill Carlton was no one's innocent.

* * *

**Sherriff's Office**

John and I walked tiredly into the police station as Dean and Beth were rounding the corner walking up to the station from the motel, Sheriff Devins in front of us. I spotted Andrea and Lucas sitting behind the counter, apparently she'd been waiting for her dad.

"Nicole. John. Dean. Beth," she said looking at us curiously. "I didn't expect to see you here," she said offering us a smile.

Devins turned his back to us waving a hand in our direction. "So now you're on a first name basis?" He asked his daughter. I shot a dark glance at his back. _Dick_. "What are you doing here?" He asked Andrea in a low voice.

"I brought you dinner," she responded.

"Oh I'm sorry sweetheart; I don't really have the time," Devins apologized shrugging out of his jacket. John and I shot each other a quick glance that said it all. _How were we going to get out of this one?_

"I heard about Bill Carlton. Is it true is something going on with the lake?" She asked her dad worriedly.

"Right now we don't know what the truth is," Devins responded wearily. "But I think it might be better if you and Lucas went on home."

I was only half listening to their conversation, my eyes were on the boy. Apparently I wasn't the only one, Dean was looking worriedly at Lucas too. The boy looked upset, his brow was furrowing, and suddenly he shot out of his chair launching himself at Dean, tugging wildly on his arm and whimpering.

"Lucas, hey, what is it?" Dean asked worriedly. He wouldn't get a response, whatever was up with this kid, and I was beginning to think he had some psychic abilities, whatever this kid had seen had messed him up for a good long while. "Lucas, Lucas. It's okay, it's okay, hey Lucas it's okay," Dean said trying to reassure the kid.

"Lucas." Andrea said worriedly coming to wrap her arms around her son, trying to get him to relinquish his hold on Dean. Lucas let go of Dean and allowed his mom to lead him out of the police station but his eyes remained on Dean all the way out of the door.

I glanced worriedly at Beth. If the kid really was some kind of psychic and he was tapping into what was happening around the lake, if Peter's spirit had gotten revenge on Bill, shouldn't his psychic tendencies be slowing up a bit now? Beth gave a small shrug at the unspoken question in my mind.

I glanced at Beth and Dean and both looked troubled by the display of fear shown by the boy. I knew I was disturbed by it. The only reason for him to show that much fear was if this case wasn't over yet.

Sherriff Devins looked upset by the sudden emotional display by his grandson too, and it showed when he threw his jacket onto a chair and stalked into his office.

I grimaced at Beth moving into the office behind John and Dean, I refused to take a seat preferring instead to keep my back against the wall where no one could come up behind me. John took the seat I refused while Beth took the other and Dean remained standing by me, back against the wall and arms crossed in a defensive position.

Devins took a seat on the corner of his desk, facing the four of us. "Okay just so I'm clear," he said looking between John and I, "You two see, something, attack Bill's boat. Sending Bill, who is a very good swimmer by the way, into the drink, and you both never see him again?" He questioned.

John glanced back at me and we both nodded our heads in agreement. "Well, yeah," I said quietly.

"That about sums it up," John finished a heartbeat behind me. Devins gave us a look of mock surprise.

"And I'm supposed to believe this even though I've already sonar swept that entire lake, and what you're describing is impossible, and none of you are really wildlife service," he said knowingly.

_Shit!_ I glanced at Dean, and he looked at me. God I wish we could see the Beth and John's faces although they probably mirrored our own. John and Beth glanced at each other too.

"Yeah, see I checked with your superiors, or who would have been your superiors. The department has never heard of any of you," he said softly to us.

"See now we can explain that," Dean said speaking up from beside me. I glanced at him incredulously, he shot me a look that clearly said_ feel free to chime in any time Cole._

"Enough," Devins said quietly. "Now the only reason any of you are breathing free air is because a neighbor of Bill's saw him steering out that boat just before you did." Jake Devins said giving us all dark looks. Beth shot me a glance over her shoulder.

"Now we have a couple of options here. I can arrest you all on principle for impersonating government officials and hold the four of you for material witnesses to the Carlton disappearance, or we can chock all of this up to a bad day. You get in your cars, you put this town in your rearview, and you don't ever darken my doorstep again," Devins said getting testy and using some hand gestures that would have gotten his finger broken if he'd dared to jab it in my face.

Dean and I shared a look, clearly on the same page. Door number two sounded great, but why in the hell was Lucas so freaked? We couldn't leave yet, not until we were certain of the fact that he was safe.

John thankfully had a bit more patience with people getting in his face than I did and he nodded considering our options. "Door number two sounds good," he said in a low voice.

Beth pursed her lips glancing back at me over her shoulder. The three of us were in agreement, but John seemed to think the case was done. This was going to turn into a mutiny.

"That's the one I'd pick," Devins said with an edge to his voice.

* * *

**Lakefront Motel**

We all headed back to the motel to pack up our things. "Dad, I really don't think this case is done," Dean said rounding on John the minute the door had closed behind us all.

"Dean," John said wearily. "I'm certain his case is closed. Cole and I saw Carlton get blown to kingdom come. The spirit got his revenge for whatever Carlton did to him," he said stating facts that we all knew.

I glanced at Beth as we packed our bags, then turned to try and help Dean state his case. "Yeah John that's all true but…" He turned on me, his mouth set in a stubborn line. _Oh great, this was gonna be good. I wonder if this would double as our first couples argument… _

"Look Sweeney got his revenge on Carlton. Carlton and everyone he cared about is dead. They all drowned. Case closed, goodbye, the end," John said.

"Plus we've been officially run out of town by the authorities if we stay we'll all be in a world of trouble," John said glancing at each of us in turn. He had us there, there was no denying it.

"Dad, so what happens if we take off and this thing isn't done?" Dean said his voice held an underlying current of worry.

"Lucas was really scared. Dad," Beth said trying to back Dean up, pleading with their father to just give them a chance to make sure the kid was going to be all right.

John sighed, glancing away and going over the possibilities. His gaze rounded on me. "What's you're take on things Nicole?" He asked me.

I had to go with my gut, I wasn't going to lie and put an innocent boy in danger because I didn't want to wound my….John's pride. _And Lord knows the man has an ego_. "I think that realistically, if this thing with Lucas is some kind of psychic ability that is tapped into the spirit, it would have stopped the minute Sweeney got his revenge." I said going for the offensive instead of defensive tactic. "It clearly hasn't, John that kid was freaking out back at the police station." I said worriedly.

"Okay, okay, but pack your bags because the minute we find out everything is fine we're leaving," John said in a gruff voice, he rounded and looked at his son. "Who the hell are you and what have you done with my son?" He said to Dean, who smiled in response.

"Yeah Dean that was practically a hallmark moment." I said jumping on board and blowing over the fact that we'd totally just mutinied our drill sergeant.

"Shut up," Dean said to me then he turned, grabbing his bag and stuffing clothes into it.

We were outside of the Devins residence thirty minutes later. Dean was ringing the doorbell.

"Okay, so are you sure about this Dean?" John asked trying one more time to talk him out of it.

Dean just glanced at his father not answering. The next instant the door was flung open and Lucas was in front of us looking terrified.

"Lucas?" Dean said reaching out to the terrified boy who evaded his hands and turned tail and ran. Dean and John pounded after him, Beth and I exchanged a frantic look then followed not even two paces behind.

Lucas lead us up a flight of stairs and started beating on a closed door. Dean pulled Lucas back into Beth's arms as he kicked the door open and John rushed in ahead of him. The scene before us was nothing short of a horror movie. The overflowing tub was seeping out brown dirty water, and Andrea was struggling to break the surface, essentially being drowned by an unseen force.

John dropped to his knees beside the tub and grabbed Andrea by the shoulders attempting to pull her up but it was obvious he was fighting Peter Sweeney's spirit. I went around to the side of the bathtub and pulled the plug, but even then the water wasn't going down.

John struggled a bit more with Andrea, before he was finally able to wrench her out of the spirit's grasp. He rolled with Andrea in his arms onto the floor pulling her away from the water.

I reached around behind me for a towel and tossed it over the top of her as John let Andrea go and she rolled onto her side still coughing up water. Beth released Lucas and he ran to his mother whimpering. I looked away from the embrace, giving them some privacy, and reached down to help John off the floor.

"Thank you." Andrea said simply turning to face all of us.

"We'll be downstairs," Beth said quietly to Andrea ushering us all out of the bathroom so the disturbed woman could get dressed. Andrea and Lucas met us downstairs in record time, and after she set Lucas at the living room coffee table she turned to face John, Beth, and I.

"Can you tell us what happened?" Beth asked softly. Andrea shook her head, tears gathering in her eyes.

"It doesn't make any sense," she said her voice cracking under the strain. "I feel like I'm going crazy," she covered her face with her hands.

My heart went out to her, this was the part I hated about being a hunter. Sometimes you had to take an innocent completely out of their comfort zone and into a whole other world where demons, monsters and homicidal spirits existed. And it sucked. Big time!

"Hey. You're gonna be okay, we're gonna help you but we need you to tell us what happened, everything." I said softly trying to keep her from freaking out.

She lowered her hands from her face. "I heard… or I thought I heard…. a voice saying 'come play with me'. I don't understand what's happening," she said dissolving into a small round of sobs.

Dean entered into the kitchen holding an old album. He flipped it open to a page and held it out to Andrea. "Do you recognize any of the kids in these pictures?" He asked her quickly.

She shot him a startled glance, "No, um except that's my dad, here and here," she said pointing to a few pictures. We all leaned forward to get a better look. _Of course._ Peter Sweeney and Bill Carlton were both pictured in these group pictures.

"That's the connection!" Beth said excitedly picking up on it the same time I did.

"Then Peter Sweeney's spirit wasn't tied to Bill Carlton, it was tied to the Sherriff," John said, "So why kill Carlton's kids?" He asked us at large.

"No!" I said impatiently. "It was to Carlton and to the Sherriff. They both had to have something to do with his disappearance," I explained hurriedly.

"Yeah, Chris Barr's drowning, it was a connection to them both!" Dean said backing me up.

"Wait, what about Chris?" Andrea asked "My… my dad what are you talking about?" She asked.

Dean's eyes caught the same movement mine did. Both of our heads turned simultaneously.

"Lucas?" Dean said. At his question, Andrea turned around to find her son staring out of the door. "Lucas what is it?" Dean asked, trying again. The boy didn't reply, he simply opened the door and ran outside, away from the house.

John, Beth, and I were already rising out of our chairs as Dean and Andrea flew to the door after Lucas.

We followed him out into the woods, Andrea kept calling for Lucas. He stopped a short way from the house looking down at a patch of grass; we all spread out surrounding him. Then he looked up and met Dean's gaze.

"You and Lucas should get back into the house and stay there," Dean said looking down at the kid. Then he and John exchanged a look. _Time for the shovels._

Andrea reached out and grabbed Lucas, taking him back inside. Beth and I made our way to the Impala, grabbing the shovels that were inside the trunk.

"Is it wrong for me to be thankful that there's only two shovels?" I asked with a grin. I was totally kidding of course, I could pitch in and dig up a body with the best of them, however, I liked being one of the first to dig, I didn't like being down at the bottom when the coffin was opened. The smell. Ick.

"At least it's not night time and a graveyard," Beth said with a laugh. That was the combination Beth always complained about – seemed we were always digging up the bodies in the dark. I wound my arm around her as we traipsed back to the clearing where Dean and John were. Beth handed the shovel she was carrying to Dean with a grin, while I kept hold of the one I had, I was serious about not being the one down there when we found the body.

Dean and I started digging and we weren't digging long. I didn't know whether to be grateful or not, when I heard the sound of Dean's shovel hitting metal. He and I exchanged a look. _That can't be good._

John and Beth came forward to help us get a little more dirt dug out from around whatever we had found. There was a bar sticking out from the ground, and I reached down to grab it, a bad feeling forming in the pit of my stomach.

John's hand covered mine. "Let us," he said quietly, a hand around my waist moving me back away from what we'd found. He and Dean yanked it up the rest of the way from the earth.

"Peter's bike," I said softly._ Dammit._ I felt a familiar itch forming between my shoulder blades, the one you get when someone has a gun trained on you. I heard the familiar click of a gun cocking, and I instantly froze with Beth beside me. We exchanged a look, as a similar tingle of anticipation shivered down both our spines.

"Who are you?" A voice said from behind us. John and Dean turned, dropping the bike.

"Put the gun down Jake," Dean said softly to Devins. He stretched his arms out in a gesture of surrender, glancing worriedly at Beth and me.

I kept my gaze on Devins, his gun hand wasn't steady like a man of confidence should be. He was shaken, rattled and gazed darkly at each of us in turn. "How the Hell did you know that was there?" He asked, his gaze flicking from Dean to John.

"What happened? You and Bill killed Peter? Drowned him in the lake and then buried his bike?" John asked darkly, his voice pitched low. He was drawing the attention away from us. Beth and I glanced at each other, neither of us was close enough to try to disarm him.

"You can't bury the truth Jake," John said. "Nothing stays buried." He snapped at the Sherriff.

"I don't know what the hell you're talking about," Devins said denying everything. Of course he would deny everything.

"You and Bill killed Peter Sweeney thirty five years ago. That's what the hell I'm talking about. And now you have one seriously pissed off spirit," John said, his voice growing harder and showing his agitation at being unable to act without putting us all in danger.

"Dad!" Andrea called out, running up to us. Jake's gaze wavered, flicking to her. I took a step forward, as he swung back around to face me, the barrel of his Glock pointed at my heart. I froze lifting my hands in an unarmed gesture.

"It's gonna take Andrea," Dean said speaking up, drawing the attention away from Beth and I. We were after all in the best position to get Devins unarmed, although I'd rather take him on myself. Last thing Beth needed was to injure herself again. "Lucas, and everyone you love. It's gonna drown them and it's gonna drag their bodies God knows where, so that you can feel the same pain Peter's mom felt. And then after that. It's gonna take you. And it's not gonna stop until it does," Dean said.

"Oh really? And how do you know that?" Devins asked Dean quietly.

"Because that is exactly what it did to Bill Carlton," Dean responded in a matter of fact tone.

"Listen to yourselves all of you are insane," Devins said in disbelief.

"I don't really give a rat's ass what you think of us, but if we're gonna bring down this spirit, we need to find the remains, salt them and burn them into dust," Dean said quietly.

"Please tell me you buried Peter somewhere? That you didn't just let his body go into the lake?" John demanded, speaking up again.

"Dad is any of this true?" Andrea asked her father.

"No, don't listen to them. They are liars and they're dangerous," Devins responded, not taking his gaze from any of us this time.

"Something tried to drown me. Chris died in that lake. Dad look at me!" She said, her voice raising in fear. Jake dropped his gaze to the ground before raising it to meet his daughter's eyes.

"Please tell me you didn't kill anyone," she said beseechingly to him. He dropped his gaze again, unable to meet Andrea's eyes. "Oh my God!" Jake lowered his gun from us. I sent up a silent prayer to whomever was listening. _Thank you!_

"Billy and I we were at the lake. Peter was the smallest and we always bullied him. This time it got rough." He paused to collect himself and barely met Andrea's gaze. "We were holding his head under water. We didn't mean to. But we held him under too long and he drowned."

He turned his gaze back to us. "We let the body go. And it sank," he said while John and Dean exchanged a frustrated look. "Andrea, we were kids, it was a mistake. But to say that I had anything to do with these drownings, with Chris. Because of some ghost. It's just not rational." Jake said turning back to his daughter.

"All right listen to me all of you," John said assertively. "We have to get you as far from this lake as we can. Right now." He said in a tone that brooked no argument.

Andrea turned her gaze away from him and I found myself following her line of vision. Oh no Lucas! The boy was leaning over the pier trying to reach something in the water.

"Lucas!" Devins yelled. All of us turned toward the lake, sprinting for the dock.

I heard Dean and Andrea yelling for the boy. We broke from the tree line still flat out running for the pier. Devins had stopped, and I swerved around him gaining the dock the same time Andrea and Beth did. John and Dean were already in the water.

I stopped at the edge of the pier, I would be more use to them here, in case God forbid something happened to the boy.

I reached out a hand and grabbed Andrea's arm, forcing her to stay with Beth and I on the docks when she looked like she might jump in after them. "No, Andrea you need to stay on this dock." I said sharply to her.

"But Lucas, no that's my son," she screamed at me, attempting to wrench her arm away from me, Beth wrapped her arm around Andrea from the other side. Preventing her from breaking my grip and diving into the lake after Lucas.

"They'll get him, we just need to stay on the dock," Beth said to her.

Dean had surfaced again, as had John. "Dad, anything?" Dean yelled to him, looking wildly around. John shook his head negatively. Oh God. They both dove under again looking for Lucas.

The surface broke again and Dean's head popped up above the water. "Anything?" Beth yelled, and he shook his head. Suddenly he flailed and was jerked under the water.

"Dean!" Beth screamed from beside me, she stepped toward the edge, pulling off her jacket and I grabbed her.

"What the hell are you doing?" I asked her sharply and she looked at me in a panic. "Beth you can't go in there!"

"Like Hell I can't! It's Dean!" She said, wrenching her arm free of my grip.

"I'll go," I said, forcing my jacket off, precious minutes were passing. "You're still injured you definitely aren't going in there." I glared at her and dove into the lake, the cold water surrounding me in an instant as I started swimming to where Dean had been pulled under.

John surfaced at that moment with the boy in his arms. He looked at me in the water and frowned. "What are you doing?!" He yelled at me.

"Dean! He's been pulled under, Sweeney has him!" I called out to him. His eyes swung around, taking in our predicament. He shoved the boy toward me and into my arms.

"Where?!" He yelled to Beth. She gave him directions to where she'd last seen Dean go under. "Get out of the water and stay there! That's an order!" He yelled, then he dove again.

I swam back to the desk, pulling Lucas with me, keeping his head above the water. Beth and Andrea leaned down to haul him onto the dock. He was already coughing and spitting up water. I pulled myself out of the water, wet and cold, and checked Lucas' vitals, he was cold, and in shock, but breathing.

My attention was forced from the scene in front of me, where John was searching for Dean, to where the Sherriff had waded out into the lake calling for Peter.

I didn't even bother calling out for him or trying to stop him, maybe if Sweeney took Devins we'd get Dean back. Beth and I shared the same thought in a look. We weren't gonna stop him, not if it meant getting Dean back.

The Sherriff was pulled under water. Beth and I gripped each other, in a kind of terrifying all-encompassing fear that we were about to lose one of our family forever. Our gaze turned back to where Dean had been pulled under.

Seconds ticked by where we had nothing but the comfort of each other, the pounding of our hearts beating loud in our own ears, the blood thundering through our veins and adrenaline making us itch for action. But there was nothing we could do. We'd been given an order and we had to obey.

I gasped as John surfaced, he had hold of Dean in front of him, keeping his face out of the water. Beth cried out beside me, at least we had Dean again. As John got nearer I reached over the side of the dock seizing a handful of Dean's clothes and wrenching at him, pulling him up onto the dock. Beth leaned down to help me and with a massive effort and a huge adrenaline rush the three of us got Dean onto the dock.

Beth was leaning over him, "Dean! Dean don't you leave me, open your eyes! Don't you leave me!" I scrambled to check Dean's pulse. There wasn't one.

"No. Oh God no." I fought back the sob welling up in my throat. The tears were another matter, I didn't even bother fighting them. Beth was freaking out, reaching for her phone and calling 911. She was crying, sobbing so bad her whole body was shaking.

"Beth. Dammit Beth listen to me!" I yelled at her. She jumped looking at me shocked. "We can get him back but I need you to hold it together!" I snarled. The anger and fury was taking over, this was what I absolutely hated about being a hunter we never had any freaking clue when our last moments would be as a family.

Beth pulled herself together as she talked to the operator on the phone, giving them our location, though tears still streamed freely down her cheeks. I grabbed the phone out of Beth's hands and gave it to Andrea. "Tell them I have a 23 year old male, approximately 160 to 200 pounds. Not breathing and no pulse. CPR has been started!"

"Now you," I said swinging back to Beth, "breathe for him! Got it?" Beth nodded at me tears streaming down her face as she bent down to hover over Dean's face.

I'll never forget this feeling. The feeling of holding life or death in your hands. At times when saving people's lives is nothing more than a job, it can be a total thrill seeking adrenaline rush. Other times when it's the life of a loved one it can be the most terrifying feeling in the world. I was scared to death, I couldn't show it though. Dean needed me, and I knew without a doubt that if I showed even an ounce of fear or defeat Beth would crumble into a million pieces.

However neither of those two things are what really and truly solidified my resolve that I was not losing my brother, what really cemented that belief was the gaze of the man across from me. John looked lost and alone. I knew in that instant he truly would never be able to survive without his children.

I ignored the sickening feeling of Dean's ribs cracking under the pressure I was exerting on his heart. I ignored the tears and sobs coming from Beth between life-saving oxygenated breaths for Dean. I focused on my mission, keeping my brother alive.

At some point the paramedics had arrived. It didn't matter. I could vaguely feel the vibrations of the wheels of the gurney they were rolling down the dock toward us. "I've got a twenty three year old male approximately two hundred pounds, drowning victim, was under approximately five minutes. We've been doing CPR, so far no response." I panted out between breaths of air for myself and compressions.

"And you are?" One of the EMT's asked me as they cut away Deans shirt and hooked up some EKG leads and defibrillator patches to Dean's chest.

"Nicole Singer, RN at Upper Connecticut Valley Hospital in the ER," the other EMT was trying to pull me away from Dean. "Back off man I'm not ready for a break yet he's my goddamn brother!" I snarled.

They had lowered the stretcher and we were transferring Dean onto it. He gasped for air suddenly, spitting up water.

"Dean!" I heard Beth cry. The EMT closest to me and I reacted, rolling Dean onto his side on the stretcher so he could get some of the water out of his lungs.

Within minutes the paramedics had Dean hooked up to oxygen, and a portable telemetry monitor on. One was attempting to start an IV and he blew the vein. The other EMT blew another. Dean appeared to be fading in and out of consciousness. I wasn't worried, his monitors would alert us to any serious change in his condition.

I reached around for a new IV start kit pulling on some gloves and ripping off the index finger tip so I could palpate for a vein. I had one in the wrist. I popped in the IV, withdrew the tourniquet and applied a clear op site over it before either paramedic knew what was happening.

I decided to take a step back while they continued stabilizing Dean for the trip to the hospital. Now that the adrenaline rush was over and Dean was technically alive again, I was starting to feel absolutely exhausted.

"All right we're ready to move him to the hospital," one of the paramedics said. John and Beth were on either side of the stretcher moving with it toward the ambulance.

"One of you can ride with him." The EMT said to us. John and I looked up, we were both soaking wet.

"Beth, go with him." John said, "we'll be along once we're changed."

The minute the ambulance doors had closed on Dean and Beth, I sagged against John in relief. I was exhausted.

* * *

I made my way out of the hospital into the ambulance bay. I was tired and exhausted. I sighed, leaning against the red brick of the hospital building. The automatic doors opened again behind me to reveal John coming for me.

"So the doctor's say Dean is going to be okay. They want to keep him overnight for observation. Something about how most drowning victims if they are going to have issues it's in the first eight hours." He said, coming to lean in beside me, offering me comfort.

I simply nodded my head. Since Dean had been brought to the hospital I had once again been in one of my down and depressed moods. I didn't know what was up with that. Maybe I was coming down with something.

John moved in front of me and I met his gaze unblinkingly. I loved this man. There was no denying it. "I love you, John Winchester," I said softly, looking up into his gaze and meaning every one of those words.

His brow creased in confusion. "I love you," he said slowly after a moment of silence.

I wrapped my arms around his waist leaning into him fully, pressing myself against him. I loved him so much it hurt. It hurt my heart to think about what I was about to do.

John moved his hands to my shoulders gently forcing me back. "Baby what's wrong?" He asked concerned.

I struggled to blink back the tears in my eyes. "I have to go." I swallowed trying to get past the lump in my throat.

"Go?" He said his brow furrowing further. "Go where baby?" He looked so confused. So unprepared. I however had known this was coming ever since we'd arrived in Wisconsin. And instead of preparing him for it, and getting him and myself ready for the inevitable. I'd blissfully and ignorantly allowed myself to go on thinking things could remain the way they were.

"I have to go back to my life, John. I worked hard to achieve some semblance of normal. I can't do this on a daily basis, it scares me too much. Not knowing if we are coming out alive or dead one minute to the next. I don't have the same drive, I don't have the vendetta, Mom is gone and nothing is bringing her back. I have to live my life for her, for what she would have wanted. For what Dad wants." I said trying to keep my voice on an even keel. I felt like my heart was breaking. I loved John. I loved my father. I loved hunting. I also loved getting a break from the supernatural world, from the killing and the fear. I loved being a normal 23 year old girl. _Why the hell did this all have to be so hard? _

John's face had shone through with love only minutes before, now it was completely unreadable; like a mask. I cringed inwardly, _what had I just done? _He looked over my shoulder, and let out a sigh. When he looked back at me there was a resignation I hadn't seen in his eyes in a long time.

"Whatever you want baby girl, I would never ask you to go against what you need," he said quietly, reaching out a hand to bring it softly along my cheek.

I stared at him. _Did he just tell me goodbye? _Tears pricked in my eyes and I felt a disappointment settle there.

"I'll take you back to Olivia's to get your car, Dean will be here overnight anyway," he said, and with no further ado he pushed past me, walking quickly toward his truck, leaving me wondering about what was really going on in his head.

* * *

The drive to Olivia's was made in complete silence. We didn't even speak when we stopped for gas or food. I wasn't sure what I'd done, I only knew that one minute I'd been totally and powerlessly in love with John, and the next I had blown it all to hell because of my own personal landmine.

Hours had passed, hell it may have even been days. I woke with a start when John reached out to wake me.

"We're here. Your normal life is waiting," he said quietly, his voice sounding scratchy and faint from not speaking for hours on end.

I glanced out of the window, not ready to leave yet. I had to know something. Besides it was pouring down rain outside. We sat there in silence it seemed simply waiting for the other to make a move.

"I love you," I said softly unable to bring myself to look at him, I gazed at my hands. "I think I've loved you since before I even knew what love was. I…. You saved my life John. I love you and you saved my life. I would be dead without you." I said, tears falling now, silent and freely, but there. I grabbed my bag and wrenched open the door stepping out into the pouring rain.

At least now no one would be able to tell I'd been crying, not that anyone cared. I walked around the front of the truck to my car, throwing my bag in on the passenger's seat.

I felt a hand grip my arm tightly, swinging me around like I was nothing more than a rag doll. I found myself pressed up against my car by John's body. He was looking at me with a desperate ache in his eyes.

"I love you dammit! I've loved you for so long I don't remember not feeling this way. I stayed away from you and Bobby fighting my feelings, thinking nothing good could possibly come from them. I was a monster, as sick and twisted as those we hunt. I'm so tired of fighting how I feel about you. There is no getting past how I've felt about you for years. I have spent decades alone and lost and chasing a love I believed was my only shot. You're my redemption, you're my salvation. You're mine and I will not give you up!" He said to me.

The rain fell down upon us, and once more we were drenched through to our skin. It was as if the rain was there for us alone, to wash away all the heartache and pain from the past bringing in a cleansing that was so desperately needed.

"This isn't over," John said to me, "it will never be over for me." Tears welled in my eyes at this statement.

It's all I'd been looking for this past month, for him to fight for us, to show me that _we_ were important to him, not just another stroll in the park, another notch in the bedpost. It was enough. I knew beyond a doubt after this declaration that ours was a love that was born out of time, it defied all meaning and understanding, and here he was acknowledging that he had loved me all along, just as I had him.

I smiled at him softly, encouragingly. All I could think to say was a quote from my favorite book _Leaves of Grass. _

"Among the men and women the multitude, I perceive one picking me out by secret  
and divine signs…" John shook his head in amusement at me.

"Shut up and kiss me would you?" He said with a smile and twinkle in his eye. He lowered his head to mine claiming my lips possessively. Maybe we didn't know what was going to be coming our way in the future, maybe we would walk separate paths but now I knew that regardless of where our own paths took us, we would never been fully alone, we would carry each other in our hearts. He was mine as much as I was his. I was home. And I was safe. So long as I had him, I always would be.

**The End.**

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

All right guys this is the end of How to Save a Life. I had planned on continuing this for some time however it just no longer fits my storyline that I need to progress on to. So I do still have more story to write, and the next story picks up in Season One. This story was almost four years before S1 so I have told the beginning. I am going to tell the middle and the end in another few stories. I hope you guys liked it! Please Read and Review, I love to read your thoughts. I may revisit the years in between depends on whether or not I can see any possible story lines. If you guys have any ideas on that please feel free to share!

Thank you BellaDonna78 I loved loved LOVED working on this with you! I am really excited to do S1 and tie in some more stories. If anyone is confused about Beth and Dean check out Highway to Hell, All Hell Breaks Loose, and Hell to Pay!

I have a few questions for my readers: 1. What do you guys see John and Cole's relationship being like almost five years down the road? Do they fight a lot? Do you see them being sweet and loving? Can you see Cole not putting up with any of John's crap? And vice versa. Also in this story Cole's attitude seemed all over the place one minute hot the next minute cold. Do you guys like seeing that aspect or would you like to see her more mature and less frazzled? ( I know I for one would love to see her more mature and less freaky. And since we are now jumping four years into the future I think that is a reasonable expectation.)


	7. I Will Be

_I'm the place you can rest  
When your dreams go blind  
I'm the breath you can tail  
When you're trapped inside  
You're the reason I get through  
You were there for me  
I'm here for you  
_

_'Cause I will be, I will be  
The one who's there when your world's asleep  
And when you wake and if you break  
I won't be far, wherever you are_

_Brought me back to life  
Lit my sky on fire  
Opened up my eyes_

_I will be_

_**I Will Be**_

* * *

_**Mercy General Hospital  
Sacramento California**_

**Cole's POV **

It was 6:00AM, I only had about an hour or two left of my shift. I was starving, so I'd decided to take a break and finally eat my lunch. I pulled the Tupperware tub out of the microwave and sat down ready to eat.

To say that tonight's shift had been a long one was an understatement. I had the pleasure of caring for the drunk that had eaten tomatoes, the meth addict who smarted off to his celly, and the lecherous old man who desperately wanted to see if my breasts were real.

And I still had forever to go. The door to the staff break room was pushed open and Shea walked in. Shea had worked here for as long as I had we both basically started the job around the same time. Although she'd been an experienced ER Nurse while I had been some fresh faced newbie intern.

"Hey Cole there's a man looking for you." She said as she pulled out a chair and plopped down beside me. Inwardly I groaned.

"Tell Mr. Morton I'll be right there to examine his stool." I said exasperatedly. Mr. Morton had evidently thought he had parasite's and fished his own stool out of the john.

I longed for the days when stool specimen's and vomit used to gross me out. At time's I felt I'd grown way too cynical for this job. Then again at least the crazies and the nut jobs made things interesting.

"Oh it wasn't Mr. Morton." She replied. "It was some older man who'd walked in here on his own, although I'm really surprised he was able to walk. He was slashed up pretty badly. He had a gash on his shoulder and running down his leg. He wouldn't say what did it." Shea said noncommittally.

"Probably some whack job ex-wife of his who found him running to another woman's arms." I said with a smirk. I'd been on this job too long to be surprised why people did a lot of things they did. Lying about what happened that brought you into the ER was one of the things people did most often.

"Anyways he's in curtain two." Shea said rising and moving to the door. I finished my dinner hurriedly and moved with her.

Curtain two was right across from the nurse's station and literally just a simple pull around curtain to provide patient's with some semblance of privacy. Shea went to gather her supplies for Dr. Angie who was the resident in house this shift, I chose to wait for her rather than walk in on a patient uninvited.

She pulled back the curtain and I gasped. John Winchester. _He was home._

"John! What the hell happened to you? Are you all right?" I asked anxiously, moving towards him and running my hand up and down his uninjured shoulder, concern in my eyes. He hadn't even called to tell me he was coming home.

Of course he couldn't answer to what had really messed him up with Shea standing there. Shea glanced up at me sharply. She'd heard a whole lot about John. She lowered her head and resumed her work of cleaning and disinfecting his shoulder.

John grinned and pulled me in to him, his free hand running around the base of my neck as he pulled me in to him for a breathtaking kiss. "Hey Cole." He said quietly, a smile apparent on his face.

"Hey yourself," I said, I couldn't help but grin back, hell my whole face was probably lit up like a kids on Christmas morning. God, I'd missed him. This time, it had been almost a month between visit's, and while phone calls at least put me out of my misery that he was in fact okay, seeing him well seeing him just made everything better.

"All right Mr. Winchester," Shea said abruptly, making no secret of observing our interactions, voyeur that she was. "Dr. Angie should be in here momentarily to put some stitches in these wounds." She said brightly turning to me.

"So..." Shea questioned, pulling me away slightly and barely lowering her voice. "John, as in the imaginary boyfriend John?"

I raised my eyebrows incredulously. _Seriously did these people have no tact? _"Yeah that's the one and guess what? He's not freaking deaf!" I snapped at her, not even lowering my voice.

She turned as red as her hair and turned around apologetically. John simply gave her the trademark Winchester, _I'm a sex God and I know it_ smirk, while I glared daggers at him.

Shea turned and left us alone, drawing the curtain closed behind her. The minute the curtain closed I flew back into John's arms ignoring his exaggerated flinch. Now I knew where Dean got his 'big baby' routine from.

"What are you doing here John? What happened to you? Are you okay?" I asked worriedly. He ignored me and pulled my face down on level with his, kissing me soundly. I melted into the kiss, sighing when he pulled back from me.

"I needed you." He said simply it was our game the one we'd played on and off for years. One of us would show up out of nowhere, needing the comfort, the control, the security in knowing that we'd always be there for one another. "I got a little banged up but I'll be fine, a whole lot better now." He said his eyes on mine.

I sighed, right now I had to get back to work. I reluctantly pulled out of his embrace, with a groan. "I have to get back to work, I pretty much have to give my report to the oncoming shift then I'm done. You want to wait for me or head back to my place?" I asked him with a small smile.

"I'll wait. Maybe we could get some breakfast?" He asked with a grin.

"Baby you…." I was cut off by the sound of glass smashing. I jerked the curtain back glancing around. One of the windows to the trauma room was smashed in. I heard a roar of rage as a man strapped to a gurney, was up and walking, the stretcher still attached to his back. He'd picked up his IV pole and was using it to ward off doctors and nurses, and perhaps more importantly the police officers that had brought him into the ER.

"I need 5 milligrams of Haldol stat!" Greg yelled to anyone listening while he and a nurse were trying to subdue this patient gone psycho. I took off sprinting down the hall to the med room, while John freaking white knight Winchester went to go lend a hand containing Mr. Donovan.

I came back down the hall as Greg, John and another nurse had subdued Donovan. I just jumped right in the middle of their dog pile on top of the stretcher mattress they had used to take him down, jamming the needle into his bicep, while Shea had reached around and stretched out his arm so I could get a clean shot.

We stayed on top of Donovan a moment longer while we waited for the Haldol to knock him out. "So, uh hot date huh?" Greg said next to me giving me a cheeky grin and a wink. I wasn't worried, he was Shea's husband and a merciless flirt.

Shea gave a laugh as she stayed with us releasing Donovan's arm. "Not, honey. So this is John." She said indicating John with a nod in his direction. Greg leaned around me, to better see John.

"Oh hey man, nice to meet you." Greg said, while giving Shea a wink. "So I do believe you owe me twenty bucks." He said with a total playboy grin at his wife.

I opened my mouth to voice my objections that they'd been betting on my love life, when the trauma room doors opened and in walked Romano, our ER Chief resident and total asshole.

He assessed our scene with the newly subdued Donovan as John and Greg both moved away from him. Shea moved around to the other side of the stretcher to stand next to Greg. The tall black man reached around and helped me off of the stretcher. I stood in between him and John while I waited to be patronized or fired or something.

"Please tell me you do still work here?" Romano asked sarcastically. _Dick._ He knew it was my last day and was probably having a party about it. We hated each other. Actually everyone hated Romano.

I glanced around at the clock and replied. "Yeah I got two minutes to give my report to Maurice." I said as Romano's face showed indifference.

I strolled past him out of the door and I felt the inappropriate touch of his hand on my ass. "Ow!" I growled spinning around to face the creepy little man. My hand went out to grab him but John beat me to it, not missing the action from him. Romano found himself pushed up against the wall, John's forearm pressing against his throat.

"Hey!" Romano cried out, "Let me go!"

"Son of a bitch just grabbed my ass!" I snapped indignantly. Glaring daggers at him, "Easy now, I still have just enough time to push a sexual harassment lawsuit!" I snarled at him, furious. John's face was stony and he was frighteningly silent.

"You're going to apologise to her... now," John said quietly to the man. The short man syndrome was hilarious, and I grinned at John, sometimes it was nice having the white knight around.

Romano glanced between John and I, his eyes starting to look a little scared. "Uh, yeah... sorry Cole, that was very inappropriate of me." Romano said. He looked back at John. "Happy?"

John stared at him a moment longer, not releasing him.

"John..." I said quietly. "Let him go."

He responded to my voice, releasing Romano, who stepped away from him quickly.

"Well I'm not happy! I told you to treat my nurses with some respect. I don't care if you are the chief of the department. We aren't your personal property!" Shea said hotly. "I'll be filing a report about this." She said sternly to him.

Romano looked down at himself, John's shoulder had bled all down the front of his pristine white coat. "Hey! Man you bled all over me!" He complained. John smirked and glanced at me.

"Be thankful it's not your blood, now get out of my sight!" John snapped. Romano scampered off, and John turned to me, slouching against a gurney, suddenly I realised that he was a lot worse off than he'd seemed when he walked in here.

I hurried to him, wrapping my hands around his waist and fitting myself beneath his shoulder, giving him what little support I could offer. "Come on let's get you back so Dr. Angie can stitch you up." I said softly to him, escorting him back to curtain two.

Angie was exiting the curtain as we were coming in. "Ah there you are, I thought you'd chickened out and left." She said with a soft smile at John.

As he sat down on the gurney he looked at me smiling broadly. "I tried to, but I couldn't convince this here nurse to run away with me." He said with a light laugh.

I shot him a glare then turned an apologetic smile to the doc, shrugging. "Yeah so I'm gonna go and get my report given, say bye to everyone. You want me to send Shea back in when she has a minute?" I asked Angie, totally ignoring John's comment about running away.

I wasn't running away from anything. True to my wayward nature I was ready for a break. I needed a change of pace, and going hunting on the road for a while with John seemed like just the ticket, not that he had any idea. But it didn't mean I wasn't going to miss everyone.

Angie shook her head in the negative. "Nah I'm good." She reached out a hand to me, squeezing mine. "I really am gonna miss you Cole." She said with a small sad smile on her face.

I smiled back. "Me too." I said softly. I turned to John, "So I do believe you said something about breakfast?" I said lightening my mood.

He smiled knowingly. "Thank God. I'm starving." He pulled me to him for a kiss, and grinned at Angela's expression of shock.

* * *

_**Diner  
Sacramento, California**_

_**Present Day**_

**John's POV**

Cole waited patiently until the hostess had seated us and taken our drink order and left before turning shrewd assessing eyes to me. "All right Winchester spill it what the hell happened to you?" She said sharply.

I chuckled. "What? No 'baby are you all right'?" I asked in amusement, cocking an eyebrow.

She didn't look amused and simply glared menacingly at me. I swear if I didn't know her I might be a little on edge by her direct stare and one track mind. I sighed softly.

"Can we get into this later when we're alone?" I asked softly almost using a stern voice with her, which would get me absolutely nowhere. She was more stubborn than Mary.

"No baby…" She exclaimed angrily, breaking off and glancing at a young man who had looked towards our table. "Can I help you!" She snapped anger flashing in her eyes. She turned back to me pinning me with an angry glare. "No baby, we can't talk about this later because as soon as we get home you're going to do that thing you do and I'm going to fall for it, because I fall for it every time." She said her voice lowering so we weren't overheard.

I heaved a sigh, it was going to be a long breakfast. I opened my mouth to answer her inquiry when the waitress returned with our drinks.

"Okay," I said, taking a deep breath. I didn't even know where to start. _Start at the beginning. _Even that wasn't so clear cut, because the beginning started decades ago.

"What I am about to tell you, you _cannot _tell Beth, or Dean, or Sam for that matter. Too many people have been hurt for this to come out now, and I won't have the kids involved." I was stern, she had to know there was no breaking this one condition.

"Tell me," she said, serious.

"I was down in Jericho a few days ago, working a Woman in White case, when Jim called me. Said he was up in Red Bluff visiting relatives and he'd run into an old... friend... of sorts." I said, swallowing hard. This was going to be difficult to tell, I didn't even know how to voice it, it had been nearly fifteen years since any of us discussed her, I had wanted to believe she was dead, how wrong I had been.

* * *

_**Red Bluff, California**_

**2 days ago**

Jim answered the door almost as soon as I rang the bell. When he saw it was me, he smiled and pulled me into a big hug.

"John! It's so good to see you, been too long," he said, showing me into the house. He shut the door, and it was then that I saw things were not as happy as he was making out. Every door and window was lined in salt, and he poured a fresh line of it at the door I'd just passed through.

"Jim... what's going on?" I asked, looking around. Jim's sister was in the kitchen, singing a happy tune and baking, seemingly oblivious to what her brother was up to. I found that odd, but then, this family had been through some strange things in the past, perhaps nothing seemed odd to them anymore.

"Come, sit, would you like a drink? I have whiskey?" He said, showing me into the living room and crossing to the liquor cabinet where he pulled out a couple of glasses and uncapped a bottle of whiskey.

"Sure, whiskey is good," I said, taking a seat on the couch and watching him.

He came to join me, fear in his eyes, and I knew something had him running.

"I saw her," he said cryptically, and I frowned.

"Saw who?" I asked, taking a sip of my whiskey.

"I thought she'd be dead by now, passed on for a new meatsuit, for something different. I should have known better, the demons would love to use her abilities for their own devices. I just, I never thought after all these years, we'd see her again..." he was rambling and I reached out a hand to steady him, bringing him back into his body.

"Jim. Who did you see?" I asked, my gut feeling sick as there were only a couple of people who would set Jim Murphy off like this.

"Grace," he whispered, and my blood ran cold. "I saw Grace, here, in Red Bluff!" His eyes were anxious, and suddenly I understood why he'd barricaded himself in the house with salt, refusing to leave. This was no ordinary demon we were talking about. This was a Knight of Hell.

* * *

_**Diner  
Sacramento, California  
Present Day**_

"Wait I'm confused. A Knight of Hell? What is that? " Cole asked looking confused.

I sighed glancing down at the worn Formica of the table we were at. "A Knight of Hell is one of the oldest demons. A first generation of the demons we see today. They are very old, very pure, and a very unadulterated form of the evil we are fighting now." I said glancing back up to see Cole's expression. I detected the faintest shiver of fear sliding down her spine. She looked afraid all of a sudden. Good, she needed to be.

* * *

_**Local Bar  
Red Bluff, California  
**_**1 day earlier**

I made my way through the doors of the local bar, it was small but extremely popular. I walked up to the bar where a bartender was busy wiping down the counter top, "Excuse me ma'am, I'm looking for a woman, she came through here yesterday." I reached a hand in my pocket for the picture of Grace and Patrick that Jim had loaned me.

She stopped wiping and took a minute to glance at the picture. "Yeah she was in here last night. Girl really knows how to party."

"Has she been in tonight?" I asked. She looked thoughtful and the nodded.

"Yeah, earlier. Last I saw she was headed to the bathroom," she answered, pointing down a hallway leading to the back of the building.

"Thank you." I said to her turning away and moving down the hallway. Thankfully the restroom was empty. I glanced around looking for a hint of sulfur. _Nothing. Dammit. _I stepped into the unisex bathroom locking the door behind me.

I sighed in frustration at finding nothing. _How in the Hell was I supposed to track down a demon?_ I knew one thing for sure I wasn't going to be able to work this one by myself. I was going to need some help. My children were out of the question. Jim was out of the question he had more important things to tend to.

Jim and I had spent over an hour talking about the details of this case. There had been only a handful people who knew Grace was even still alive. One of us was dead, the others however were very much alive but scattered across the map.

I leaned against the sink staring at my reflection in the mirror, _what the hell was I doing? _I needed to be out there looking for Mary's killer, but I owed this to Patrick to finish what he'd started. I looked down at the sink, splashing some cool water in my face. When I looked back up, blue eyes were also reflected back at me from a very familiar face.

I whirled around in the small confines of the bathroom and was brought face to face with my best friend's wife. "Grace." I practically choked on the word.

She smirked at me. "Hello John." She replied the words were drawn out, lingering.

My heart was hammering, hard. It took a lot to be able to sneak up on me none of my kids had ever been able to, hell not even Cole could do it. Grace was close, too close.

"It's been a long time, and I have to say you look amazing." She gave me an appreciative once over. "You look good enough to possess. We could do some dirty things together." She said leaning into me and lowering her voice so I almost couldn't hear her.

"Grace always did fancy you, maybe not enough to act on it she was truly, sappily, in love with her husband," The demon said with a grimace. "However you could at least give a girl something to go on Winchester." She said with a seductive smile on her face.

I smirked back at her. "Well you're not exactly my type. Plus you're in my best friend's wife, best not to get our wires crossed." I said cockily.

"Hmmm. Perhaps you're right." She said with a light chuckle. Then she pressed her body against me, raising her lips to meet mine. As her tongue snaked inside me, I felt physically ill. Tension was coiling low and mean in my gut. She broke the kiss, pressing her lips against my ear, "Although it never stopped your wife. Or Patrick." She said nipping my earlobe.

I jerked back away from her. "What the hell do you know about my wife?" I snapped at her anger edging my voice. _Maybe this demon knew something._

"Mmmm I know they turned her hunter remains into roasty toasty s'mores." She said with a smile. _She did know something_. "But that's enough of memory lane." Grace said waving a hand dismissively. "I need you to find something for me." She said stepping away from me turning all business.

"What the hell could I possibly find for you?" I snapped at her furious. She would give me the answers I wanted or I'd beat them out of her.

"My daughter of course." She said with a sickly twisted sentimental smile.

"She's not exactly your daughter. She's mine." I said in a harsh voice.

"Well, technically, she's not yours either, but eh. Splitting hairs if you ask me. You say tomato, I say I need a new vessel." She said calmly, and very forthcoming with the information.

I narrowed my eyes at her assessing the condition of Grace's body, from what I could see without being forced to undress her to check for healed wounds, she looked fine. "That vessel looks to be in tip top condition." I said with a forced calmness. Now I needed to get to my kids and ensure their protection.

"Oh you'd be surprised." Grace said with a sarcastic smile, "Right before I came to see you I had to pop an eyeball back in, which by the way is a lot harder than it looks."

_Ugh, _I fought to keep a neutral expression.

* * *

_**Diner  
Sacramento, California  
**_**Present Day**

"Wait why the hell was this Grace chick looking for Beth?" Cole asked anxiously. If there was a few people I could see Cole willing to kill for, Beth was one of the first.

I sighed looking deep into her eyes. "Grace, as in Grace O'Malley." I clarified, waiting for her to come to it on her own. Nicole definitely didn't disappoint. _My girl is quick on the uptake._

"Beth's mother? I thought she died in a car crash?" I shook my head. "So what in the hell are we waiting around here for? Let's go, we have to get to Beth!" She snapped at me. "And all this time you've been evasive as shit. Get a move on Winchester." She pushed herself out of the booth and stalked towards the door.

I grabbed her and pulled her into my side of the booth, pressing my mouth to her ear. "Easy, baby girl, let's not forget that I had a hell hound gunning for me. I did get slashed up a bit. We can take a minute to at least eat something." I said trying to soothe her. She relaxed into me although I could feel her heart pounding.

I reached across the table to her half eaten plate pulling it towards her. "Eat." I said simply to her. "You won't be any good to me if you pass out from a low blood sugar, while you're supposed to be watching my six." I said to her.

She shot me a cocky grin. "Oh I can totally watch your back." She said confidently, winking at me.

"My back, not my backside babe." I said with a light laugh. I couldn't help myself, I leaned in to kiss her. And just like that everything seemed more bearable. I needed her with me on this.

The kid across from us had some wandering eyes, and I met his stare evenly, issuing a warning. One thing was for certain, now that I had her, she was mine and I wasn't letting her go. She saved my life more times than once on this crazy revenge driven sociopathic mission I was on. And in twenty two years I had never had a break this big. I needed her to help me, to keep me going. To pull me back when things got too dark.

I shifted bringing her closer to me, wincing as the movement pulled at my stitches, it didn't hurt too bad, but I needed a distraction.

As distractions go it worked. She turned anxious eyes to me. "How are you feeling?" She said worriedly picking through her fruit.

"I'm fine." I said simply flashing her a reassuring smile. She didn't look very convinced. _Dammit._ I needed another distraction.

"So is that what went all Freddy Krueger on you? A hell hound?" Cole asked effectively changing the subject. And getting us back to business.

I nodded thinking back to the encounter that lead me to where we were now.

* * *

_**Local Bar  
Red Bluff, California  
**_**1 day earlier**

Grace took a second to glance around the room. She turned a furious gaze on me.

"So? My daughter? Where have you been hiding her all these years?" She asked. I smirked at her. _If only she knew. _I was careful not to think about Beth, or Dean, or the fact that they were probably looking all over creation for me right now after that voicemail I had left them. Demons can read minds, and I wasn't about to put anything above this one.

"You know John, you're a stubborn man. I knew you wouldn't be easy to break, but I can't deny I was the tiniest bit hopeful." She said huffing out an irritated sigh and pacing away from me.

"Well…." I said with a satisfied grin. "I'm happy to disappoint."

Grace growled at me, turning and stalking along the confines of the bathroom. I grinned again. Tormenting demons was a serious perk of the job.

"Well John, since you won't help me, maybe your son will," Grace said, raising an eyebrow at me.

I smirked. "Dean wouldn't tell you a damn thing," I said to her confidently.

"Oh I wasn't talking about Dean, I was talking about little Sam. Not so little anymore is he?" She said, and one of my worst nightmares was about to be realised. Sam had a demon gunning for him now, and he had no idea it was coming.

I pulled out the knife Jim had given me, the one we'd found in Patrick the day he'd been murdered. It was an ancient knife, a demon-killing knife, and as loathe as I was to use it on Grace, I would if I had to. The demon stopped to look at it, hesitating a moment.

"Aw, come on now, surely you didn't think I would be unprepared, and I have to say you walked right into it." I said with a humorless laugh as I blocked the doorway.

She laughed then, the sound low and mocking. "You honestly weren't dumb enough to think I'd come alone?" She asked calmly.

I heard a growl coming from my left. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a massive outline of a hellhound. The large ruby eyes fixated on me, simply awaiting the command. My stomach dropped. "Damn." I said softly, not dumb enough to move. "And here I was half hoping you were allergic to dogs." I said inching slipping into a defensive stance with the knife, my free hand going to the gun at the small of my back, loaded with salt ammo.

Maybe I could injure it enough to get out of here. I could temporarily trap them both and make a run for it.

Grace gave a light chuckle. "Grace always did love your sense of humor." She said softly.

I waited a heartbeat, simply a fraction of a second. My eyes darting between Grace and keeping the mutt in my line of vision. Grace's eyes went black as the hell hound was inching his way closer to me.

"Sick 'im Yeller." Grace said softly. Her gaze flicking from me to the hell hound and back again.

I whirled then making a break for the door. The hell hound pounced, knocking me to the floor. I rolled trying to get to my feet, my gun fell to the floor on my left and I couldn't quite reach it.

I brought up my left arm trying to keep Cujo off of me long enough to get to bring the knife around. The hound grabbed a hold of my arm, the bite force emanating from the thing was incredible. I swung the knife around into the side of the hound, and it yelped, but it didn't stop.

I cried out in pain as a clawed foot left behind searing gashes across my thigh. With a final swing, I used the knife to stab the hound through the head, and it fell beside me, invisible, nothing more than a heavy weight on my leg.

I got my feet under me scooting back enough to line up a shot at Grace, I took it, wounding her with the rock salt cased shells. I grunted, limping toward her, brandishing the knife while Grace watched, laughing.

"Let's see who can get to Sam first, what do you say John?" She called out and then she was gone in a blur, one second she was there, the next she wasn't. I cursed, and stumbled out the door, past the patrons crowding the hallway and headed for the rear exit. A few women made startled gasps when they saw the blood dripping from me. I was feeling weak from blood loss, and knew that I needed help.

I climbed into my truck clumsily getting the key into the ignition and peeling out of the drive. I did a quick mental inventory of my wounds. As much as I hated to put Cole in danger, I could use a bit of patching up.

* * *

_**Diner  
Sacramento, California  
**_**Present Day**

Cole had finished her breakfast while I recounted the gory details of my attack by the hell hound. _One good thing about being a hunter, we didn't have weak stomachs, for the most part anyway. _

When I got the part about Sam, and the demon getting into a race with us to get there first she started to get up again.

"Dammit John, Sam is in danger and you're sitting around talking? What the Hell is wrong with you?" She snapped, looking at me like I'd lost my marbles.

"Relax, would you?" I said, shaking my head at her. "I knew I was too injured to make the drive without you patching me up. So I sent Jim to get him. He's gone, apparently he went on a trip with Dean and Beth, they're uh... they're looking for me." I chuckled and shook my head.

Cole stared at me, then shook her head. She seemed quiet. Pensive almost. She leaned into me and wrapped an arm around my waist, I returned the embrace with a sigh, draping an arm around her shoulders. I kissed the top of her head, comfortingly.

"Just the thought of something so vicious getting ahold of you terrifies me." She said so low I almost missed it.

"I know baby. But I'm so close. Closer than I've ever been before, this demon knows something, I know it. I can end this." I said using a calming tone of voice to hide the excitement and adrenaline coursing through my veins. _Revenge. So close. _

Cole sighed beneath my shoulder. "Well you're not going to go it alone. I'll be there." She said steeling herself against what was to come.

I grinned at her. "I was hoping you would say that." _Damn I loved her._

She shot me a quick grin and rolled her eyes, "Yeah, yeah come on Superman let's get you some sleep, then we can go hunt down Lex Luther." She pushed out of the booth ahead of me making her way to the parking lot.

* * *

**Sacramento California**

**Cole's Apartment and POV**

John and I made our way up to my front door, and I felt anxious and on edge the whole way. I opened the door and deposited my keys and work bag by the table. I turned going into the bathroom. I felt worked up. I couldn't settle, I felt restless.

So I brushed my teeth, shrugged out of my scrubs, and moved around the room, packing my things up while John sat back on the bed watching me.

"Um. Nicole, what are you doing?" He asked interestedly.

I turned away from the bed going to my bookcase pulling out some books, looking for my copy of Whitman's _Leaves of Grass_. "Packing." I said distractedly.

I heard the bed groan as John shifted, coming to stand beside me. "Why?" He asked curiously.

"Because we've got to beat Grace to Sam that's why." I said aggravated. I turned back to my book case. _Where the hell did I put that damned book!_ I didn't notice as John moved away from me, moving to my dresser. "What are you doing?" I asked him turning to raise an eyebrow.

He was rummaging through my drawers, in particular my underwear drawer. "I'm helping you pack." He said with a mischievous expression. He held up a pair of lacy red boy shorts. "Oh baby these are so going in the yes pile!"

I made a noise of disapproval. "John!" I snapped at him. "Are you actually going to help me pack, or are you just going to perv you're way through my closet?" I asked exasperatedly. "Baby we really don't have time for this." I said in a stern voice. He wasn't listening, he was picking his way through the rest of my underwear, going with his favorites most of the items were getting discarded. I grinned. _Seriously!_

I bent back down digging through a few more books, in the end unable to find my copy of Leaves of Grass, I settled on the newest Christine Feehan novel which I had yet to even start. And my favorite from the same series which was supposed to feature one of the same characters. Dark Celebration and a book earlier in the series, Dark Legend.

I chucked both in the general direction of the couch where I'd laid out my duffel bag from the night before, I already had quite a couple suits in there for the whole undercover outfit deal and the jeans and shirts I could fit. My weapons were stashed in a different bag, so coincidentally all I really had left to pack was essentials like undies, socks and books.

I bent back down to, looking through the rest of my books, stiffening when I felt John's hand trail down my back. I bit down on my lip to suppress a grin. _I don't care how wrong the rest of the world thinks our relationship is. I am right where I'm meant to be. _

"Baby, why are you so anxious. I've already sent Jim to get Sam. He wasn't there, we can have a few hours to ourselves, and we'll head out as soon as possible for Stanford." John said comfortingly running his hands lightly, slowly down my back. "I've been away from you for 20 days. That is 20 long, lonely nights."

I felt a shiver of awareness run down my spine. I forced myself not to move. And it took all of my will power not to just rock back into him.

I inhaled sharply when his hands reached my hips, he pulled me back to meet him, _oh God. Yeah I could spare a day. _

I shuddered as his roughened palm smoothed up my back to unhook my bra. I straightened slightly pushing my panties down to the floor. I turned assessing John's bare torso. He had a couple long angry looking gashes sewn up along his left upper chest, almost reaching his neck.

I ran my fingers lightly over his abdomen, pushing him backwards to the bed. He leaned down capturing my mouth. I moaned into the kiss, hissing when he nipped my bottom lip. _If he draws blood I might just have to bite him back_.

John stopped when he hit the bed, lowering his hands to his jeans. I broke the kiss lowering my own hands to his jeans, pulling them down over his hips as I assessed the stitched up angry gashes in his thigh. They looked like they'd heal well enough so long as we kept them from getting infected.

_Now back to business_. I knelt down looking at John from my position below him. He simply smiled at me. "Satisfied that I'll live?" He asked arrogantly.

I rolled my eyes. "Maybe you survived the hell hound but you haven't survived me yet." I drawled knowingly. _Twenty long and lonely nights indeed. _I smirked up at him as I swiped my tongue across the underside of his erection, chastely, barely enough to elicit a gasp. I opened my mouth wide when I reached the flared head taking as much of him as I could into my mouth, and applying gentle pressure with my teeth as I deep throated him, swallowing when I felt him hit the back of my throat.

He groaned thrusting his hips to push himself deeper into my mouth, but I pulled away with a light pop. That was not what I was after. He groaned in protest, and I licked kissed and nibbled my way back up his body. I pushed lightly against him and he sat back onto the bed, I lowered myself onto his lap careful of the stitches in his thigh, they would be tender for a while.

I sighed in relief as he brought a hand up to massage my breast, his mouth leaving a burning trail down to my collar bone. I gasped as he pulled one nipple into the skilled heat of his mouth. I threw my head back as he brought the other hand up to knead my breast, his magic fingers working and rolling the nipple into an even tighter peak. I moaned arching my back into him, offering myself to him completely.

He pulled away claiming my lips urgently, I raised myself over him positioned directly above his eager body. I lowered myself slowly over him, allowing my body time to reacquaint to his size. Once he was all the way sheathed, he paused as he always did. "You okay?" He questioned. After all these years and he still sought my comfort above his own.

"I'm good baby." I reassured him, I set a slower pace than I normally did, I wanted to enjoy the sensation. I sank onto him with a satisfying sigh. _God I'd missed him. _I deepened the depth taking as much of him as I could. Slowly the friction and flames were growing, I lowered a hand between our bodies, my index finger finding my clit and flicking across the swollen sensitive nub drawing a moan from me.

I gasped, needing more. John caught my hips, guiding me, taking over the pacing. I moaned burying my face in the crook of his neck. "John!" He fastened his mouth to my neck just below my ear, _I was so close. Just a little…._ "Yes! Ohhh," I moaned against him.

John never relented, never slowed the pace, he was merciless. I was one hundred percent spent, the only thing I could do was ride the high and hold on for dear life. But it was always that way with John. It was absolutely amazing. I moaned against my orgasm bordering on pain as yet another firestorm built in my bloodstream.

John stiffened, leaning forward and pulling me tighter against him changing the angle yet again. My second orgasm took me over the edge within a matter of minutes. He thrust into me, stiffening even further I knew he was close. I was already lost. He groaned out my name, as I clung to him, sated, and the happiest I'd been in almost a month.

We collapsed backwards onto the bed into a satisfied heap of tangled limbs and lingering kisses. I rolled coming into his side careful to avoid his stitches.

When we both could finally move I crawled up the bed snuggling under the covers. I was exhausted and ready to get a few hours' sleep.

"Hey baby girl?" John said, looking down at me from where I was snuggled into him under the comforter.

"Mmm?" I mused, drifting already, the exhaustion of the night taking me over.

"I missed you." He said quietly, kissing my temple.

I smiled lazily unable to open my eyes. "I missed you and I love you, too." I said happily, he was finally home safe and sound. He chuckled at me. _Jerk._

* * *

_**Palo Alto, California**_

_**Motel**_

**Cole's POV**

I shot upright when my makeshift pillow vibrated underneath me. _What the hell_! I sat up rubbing the small amount of sleep from my eyes, I hadn't been asleep maybe more than twenty minutes at the most.

I yawned, stretching as John pulled his cell out of his pocket, glancing at the caller ID. Must have been Dean, Beth, or Sam, because he didn't bother to pick up. He turned off the ignition in the truck and opened his door, stepping out. I noticed he seemed to be limping a little as he walked ahead of me. I'd need to check out his stitches in a bit when we were alone.

I moved out my door reaching in and grabbing my bags. John paused glancing back at me, "I told you that you packed like a girl." He said with a teasing grin.

I arched an eyebrow. "Hey you know what? I needed some more stuff that you wouldn't let me take, I need more panties. You have no idea how bad commando chafing kills me. Besides, you only tried to give me enough underwear to wear when I'm in a skirt. I can't go naked the rest of the time." I said snappily.

He turned assessing me with hungry eyes. "Oh I don't know sweetheart, you won't need very many clothes when it's just the two of us." He said his eyes dark with promise. _Damn how could he do that! _I swear the man could make me wet with a single smoldering look.

He knocked on the door of the motel room twice, and it was opened by an older man, with salt and pepper hair and kind dark eyes. I liked him instantly. He opened the door wider, to allow us in while John stepped back indicating I should enter first while he checked out our surroundings. _Paranoid_.

I stepped into the dimly lit room, there were maps spread out on the table a laptop open on one bed, and a journal lying open on top of one of the maps. It looked like a decent mission prep. I hated this part, it was boring. I'd much rather be out there in the thick of things, just shoot first and figure out how you screwed up later; much more _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_ style.

I moved to the other obviously unclaimed bed and deposited my bags, my weapons bag clanged ominously. John moved with me his body staying between me and the other occupant of the room. He deposited his things, before moving to the man and shaking his hand. I glanced down noticing John used his left hand, _weird_. Then I saw it, on both of them, silver rings. _Nifty, I so need to get one of those… _

"Jim, thanks for coming to check on Sammy for me. After that hell hound I wasn't gonna make it all the way out here without some stitches." John said with a warm smile beckoning me closer with an extended arm. Though he kept himself closer to me than normal, I noticed a slight shift in his position, so he could attack if it was necessary.

"This is Cole Singer." He said introducing me, I noticed he never seemed to use my full name around other people, or hunters, only around our family did he ever call me Nicole.

I shrugged it off, turning to Jim with a warm smile. "Nice to meet you sir." I said politely, formally. I was typically shy around people I didn't know, though after we get thrown through the air together, that tended to change and my true personality would come out.

"Nice to meet you," Jim said, nodding at me. "Would you like a coffee?"

I shook my head and he smiled. "Well, I'm going to make one." He turned to the coffee pot which had been brewing and poured himself a mug which he added milk and sugar to.

"So Jim, have you had any indication that Grace has arrived?" John asked, moving slowly to sit down at the table with a grimace, tenderly touching his thigh where the stitches were.

"No, but there has been a lot of activity – weather changes, and lightning storms. Something is definitely happening around here. Just last night there were reports of cattle mutilations outside of the city," Jim replied, pointing to a couple of circles on the map.

"Sam's girlfriend is expecting him back any time now, apparently he has an interview in the morning," Jim said. John looked at him questioningly.

"An interview?" I asked.

"Yes, apparently he's being considered for law school," Jim said with a smile. John's mouth dropped open a little and he took a breath. "He's done well John, didn't you know?"

"We... we haven't really been talking," John said quietly, looking out the window. "You know we never did see eye to eye on most things."

Jim chuckled and crossed his arms, looking at John. "You two are too alike, that's half your problem."

"Well... I doubt he'd like to hear you say that," John chuckled. He looked over at me, a sadness in his eyes. "And Dean and Beth, they're with him?" Jim nodded, and then cast a wry smile at us both.

"Apparently they broke into the apartment a few nights ago and more or less kidnapped the boy," he said. I had been taking a drink of water and at the comment I couldn't control myself and spat it across the floor in front of me, Jim cast an appraising eye at me.

"I'm not sure I approve of that boy of yours leading her astray like this," Jim said with a grin.

John snorted. "Not sure it's Dean that does the leading astray half the time," he said and Jim laughed, nodding his agreement.

"Well, they looked happy the last time they called in on me, I'm glad to see you let up on them," he said.

"Me?" John asked with a frown.

I laughed shortly, almost snorting and John raised an eyebrow at me.

"John, if you'd let them act on their feelings in the first place, they would have been together long before three years ago, you were a total hardass on them!" I said, crossing my arms and rolling my eyes.

John grimaced and shrugged. "Well, they can thank you for that, you helped me see things in a different light," he said with a grin.

"I bet she did," Jim commented quietly, shaking his head. I raised an eyebrow at him, wondering if I should retort with something smart, or let it go. I decided on the latter, he had a kind cheeky way about him, and I don't think he meant any harm, but at the same time, I realised I needed to be careful around this preacher man.

"Am I the only one who didn't realise they were running around behind my back?" John asked, looking around. I thought about it and smiled.

"Pretty much, yes," Jim said with a grin. John shook his head.

"If it makes you feel any better, Beth felt really guilty about it," I said with a raised eyebrow.

"Not really," John muttered, shaking his head again. "I get that you would know all about it, Cole, you're Beth's best friend but Jim, seriously? You knew and you never thought to tell me?" He added looking slightly irritated.

Jim simply raised an eyebrow a small telling smile on his face, _he definitely knew something._ He glanced at me then back at John, I narrowed my eyes at the movement bristling slightly. I took a moment letting out a breath, fighting the instinct to defend myself. I didn't have to, what John and I did was our business no one else's. If they didn't like it too bad, we were consenting adults and we loved each other, which was more than most people could say.

"Well I didn't know for sure, John. Dean and Beth were always close, so it wasn't really obvious, and they did obey your wishes for a long time. That's why they argued so much, pushed each other away all the time." Jim said.

I nodded. "It was really only in the last few months before you relented that things got serious. Until then it was all 'we can't because of Dad' crap. Do you know how many times I told that girl to get over your bullshit?" I said with a chuckle.

John shook his head. "All right, all right. I can't change anything, can we just move on?" He asked with a sigh.

"Of course," Jim said with a smile, shaking his head at John. "So what do you think is our best course of action?"

* * *

_**Sam's Apartment**_

**Cole's POV  
**

_Dammit we were too late_. I fought off a wave of tears as I watched in relative safety from the alley side of the apartment building across the street, John and Jim on either side. Once we were through setting up our diversion for Grace, I'd insistently pushed John into driving by Sam's apartment just to make sure everything was okay.

We arrived mere minutes ago, to find flames racing hot and heavy throughout the building, just in time to see Dean bursting through the front doors to jerk Sam out with him. Sam fought desperately in his brother's grasp. Thank God Dean refused to let go of Sam, and then Beth was there, her arms wrapped tightly around Sam's waist as they struggled to pull him away from the burning building.

I moved almost subconsciously, attempting to run for my brothers. John grabbed me from behind a hand circling my waist and covering my mouth. "We're too late, Nicole. Baby there's nothing to be done, the girl is dead." He said. His voice sounded cold and detached.

He held fast, his mouth pressed into my ear as I fought him, trying to get out of his arms. "Dammit Nicole, the girl is dead, you go in there you'll die to! I am not losing you. You're my back up, I need your head in the game!" He said fiercely in my ear, forcing me to calm down and focus.

I relaxed, taking a few deep breaths. He was right. Dean and Beth had Sam. He would be fine. I had John, he was my partner my loyalties lay with him on this mission, I had to force myself to reign it in, and focus. My responsibility was John's life, I had to be able to watch his back or I was completely useless.

Tears were streaming down my face, but they were just tears, simply salt water. I could handle this. For John I could handle anything. I nodded, relaxing in his arms as he let go of me. I straightened and stepped away from him.

Jim bit his lip, watching the fire with a disturbed look in his eyes. I stepped up to his side and he glanced at me, his face expressionless: but the hurt in his eyes, the fury, it chilled me to the bone.

"Oh, come on now! Cheer up, it's not all that bad." A voice said. I glanced to my left and saw a woman with dark hair leaning against the building watching the fire with an amused expression on her face. She looked familiar, then I realised, I'd photos of her before – photos of her with Beth and her father. That was Grace standing before us.

John moved on my left placing his body between me and the woman, she barely spared us a glance. "Well done John. For this you can go first I won't even make you watch what I do to your precious daughter. Say hello to your wife for me."

I narrowed my eyes at the woman, _bitch!_ I turned movement catching my eye. My eyes widened in shock. _Holy Shit! Either I'm hallucinating or Lassie is on steroids… _How the hell did I get stuck being the bait on this one?

John gripped my elbow tight and in the same moment we turned tail and ran. I could hear the snarl of the hell hound on our asses, and I pushed myself even faster.

John was beside me and in the next instant he was gone. I glanced up for a split second, he'd jumped for the fire escape ladder. I didn't have time to marvel at how effortlessly he was pulling off his part of the plan, all I knew was I needed to keep going.

At the end of the alley a wooden crate was stacked next to a dumpster and I jumped it, going over the top of the dumpster and dropping down into the yard below. I didn't have time to rest from the jarring landing I had to make it to my checkpoint.

I streaked across the yard and made it to the chain link fence just as the hell hound cleared the first fence behind me. I leapt for the fence pulling myself up to the top and then somersaulting my way to the ground below. My lungs were burning for air and my legs were on fire, but I had to keep moving to stop now meant people would die and I would be only one of many.

The wooden fence fast approaching was my only defense. I slipped through the crack that I knew only I would be able to get through, careful not to break the line of salt on the other side. I took a minute, pulling the knife John had given me from my sleeve. Then I reached forward and broke the salt line. The minute the hell hound stuck his muzzle through, I slammed the blade home under his jaw straight into the brain, an instant kill.

I breathed a sigh of relief, jerking the knife from Lassie's skull. "Sorry girl, time for me to go save Timmy. You'd probably just eat him anyway." I groaned a bit pushing myself to a standing position then moving around the side of the alley I was in, back through the apartment district I'd just fled from.

* * *

**John's POV  
**

I gripped Cole's elbow as we turned and ran together. I caught sight of my escape route and leaped for the bars from the fire ladder pulling myself up hand over hand, until my feet met the first wrung. The hell hound tried to pursue but couldn't get a purchase on the ladder.

Glancing down, I made my way up the rickety stairs. Cole was already disappearing over the dumpster like a pro. _That's my girl. _I couldn't spare a moment to worry about Cole. I had to trust that she could do her part of the mission and get back to Jim and I to back us up.

I slid into the open window and backed away from it, all the entrances were covered with salt lines. The only opening that wasn't salted was the window I'd just come through. I retreated into the open room, my back to the door. I reached for the door handle, opening it and slamming the door closed then hurried back across to the other side of the room, to one side of the window.

A familiar chill settled in my veins, the one that came with the rush of battle. I leaned my back against the wall and waited for Grace to appear, there was only one way in and one way out.

Grace appeared and climbed in through the window with obvious ease. I remained still, barely bothering to breathe. She stopped half way into the room, perhaps sensing something wasn't quite right, then seeing the broken salt line at the door moved towards it. Until she was thrown back by the invisible barrier of the devil's trap.

She snarled with rage whirling around on me, as I straightened, pushing myself off of the wall.

I chuckled darkly. "You like that huh? Learned that one from Patrick." I said smugly glancing up at Grace's makeshift prison. She glared at me.

Jim opened the door behind her, he and Cole walked in together. I closed my eyes for a brief moment in relief, calm settling over me. _She was okay._

I stepped to the next room, grabbing a gallon of holy water from the closet we also had a stash of knives and guns just in case. _She was going to give me some answers. _I strode back into the main room as Cole was pacing the outer edge of the devils trap. Jim had finished securing Grace to a chair so we could get down to business.

"What do you know about the fire that just tried to kill my son?" I asked darkly. My temper flared when she met my questioning with a laugh. "Answer me bitch." I snarled.

She looked up at me her familiar eyes dancing with mirth, she was captured at our mercy and she was enjoying this… The thought made my blood boil. She had just tried to kill my sons, and she was laughing. In that moment I didn't care if that was my best friend's wife, one of my oldest friends whose body the demon was in; _the bitch was going to pay. _

I reacted, grabbing the gallon of holy water, and dousing her in it. She shrieked, the sound hideous and accompanied by the scent of burning flesh. I relented, allowing her another chance.

"Who in the hell would try to have my son's killed!" I commanded from her. _Nothing._ I grabbed her chin forcing her head back and pouring the water down her throat.

"Fine. I'll take talk demon's for five points Alex. Who was the demon that killed my wife?" I asked menacingly. Grace simply glared at me, a smile forming on her lips, her eyes black as night. She spat a mouthful of blood at me. Once again refusing to answer. I backhanded her, the silver wedding ring on my finger leaving a sizzling burn mark across her cheek.

I stalked away from her, the anger driving me getting the better of me, I needed to remain calm. I glanced at Cole to steady myself. She was staring at Grace with a strange expression on her face, a small smirk in place as though she was enjoying watching her suffer. I shrugged it off, I was projecting my own emotions onto her.

I produced a knife from the holster at my waist and poured a small amount of holy water onto it, it would burn like hell. I stepped back into the devil's trap. "Which of you demonic sons of bitches killed my wife?" I demanded harshly. Grace remained stubbornly silent, flicking her gaze over my shoulder. I glanced behind me, Cole had come around to see Grace's face. I raised the hand with the knife in it, ghosting it over Grace's face, making a small incision along her cheek which snapped and sizzled like bacon on the fire.

I felt a change then, a heavy almost oppressive weight, something I'd attribute to not having enough oxygen in a room with too many bodies. The feeling of the air was heavy, thick, full of tension.

I glanced around at Jim, who looked back at me and shrugged. He turned a questioning gaze to Cole. The knife in my hand flew to the edge of the devil's trap breaking the protective hold. Cole had palmed a knife and moved forward in front of Grace, looking around warily.

Something definitely wasn't right. I shifted, coming on alert. "Watch her!" I ordered Cole. She simply looked at me and nodded, but not before raising an eyebrow at me. I turned away, but something gave me pause. _Cole would never agree to any order just barked at her like that, if anything she would have already tried to shoot me. _I whirled again to face her.

The force of a telekinetic attack struck me. I was pinned up against a wall with Jim across from me. We were being held by sheer willpower from the demon alone.

Cole used the knife in her hand to free Grace, who immediately fled. When she met my eyes they had turned yellow. She grinned at me, a depraved parody of the woman I loved. She stalked closer to me and I shifted my gaze so I could focus on what I'd need to do.

"Hello John." Her voice had changed, it sounded throatier, almost the exact same timbre as the time she'd spent the entire night screaming my name.

I pushed against the telekinetic bonds holding me, the resistance was unbelievable, I'd never felt anything like it.

"What's the matter, don't you know it's me you've been hunting this entire time?" She said, her voice exhilarated, low mocking laughter bubbling just under the surface. I glanced back at her, fury and excitement coursing through my veins making everything so much more bearable.

"That's right for twenty two years you've been hunting little old me in revenge for killing you're wife and when should we finally meet, but while I'm sharing a skin with your whore." Cole's voice sounded almost giddy with excitement.

I swallowed hard trying to control my fury. "Why did you kill my wife?" I breathed out through clenched teeth, attempting some form of calm, I felt a pure living breathing rage and fear and guilt. I'd done this, I'd brought her into this, I'd been selfish and desperate for her, now I'd gotten her possessed. I might even be forced to kill her. Could I do it? Even if it was my only way to avenge my family, my wife could I kill Nicole? No. Definitely not happening I wasn't killing her not even for Mary. I'd failed Mary, I wouldn't fail again. She was mine dammit, I'd find a way to fix this!

Cole smirked at me, producing a knife. I grit my teeth this was going to hurt! "She was mostly collateral damage. A surgical strike for the frontlines of a coming war. Just like that sweet little Jess, who by the way was my doing also. You and your son have more in common with each passing minute." She chuckled the sound low and dark. She ghosted the knife down my throat.

I fought the force pinning me to the wall again trying to break it. It was no use I was trapped. I growled as the knife slid into my belly, not as deep as it could but not some shallow little graze either.

She stepped closer to me, the knife dripping from her hand. "You know she's still in here, still alive. And she's screaming, begging, pleading for me to spare you. She's completely selfless, a true hero, she's thinking only about you, not about herself. She worships you. And yet to you she is simply an upgrade." Cole's voice dropped an octave, becoming husky, and seductive. "She'd be willing to do anything for you, kill, torture, whatever it takes, all for you. And yet still the only thing you can think about is the late, great Mary Winchester." She laughed, leaning into me.

I grit my teeth refusing to rise to the bait. But deep down I knew it was true. Cole deserved a better man than I'd ever been. I was twisted, honed and hardened in the fire that had killed my wife. And yet I was weak. Selfishly, I refused to let go of the only thing that allowed me to see the world again.

When that failed to get a response from me, Cole's face twisted into a sneer and she drew back with her knife hand, intending to go deeper.

"Regna terrae... cantate Deo, psallite Domino – qui fertis ascendit, super caelum..." Jim's voice filled the air and I glanced across the room at him, my gaze meeting his. Cole whirled, crossing the room in no time and hitting him hard across the face. She glared at Jim, raising her voice loud enough for us to hear her.

"You know I'm starting to think this little girl's will is strong, stronger than maybe even Mary was. And she seems to be extremely violent, how interesting." The demon within Cole looked positively fascinated, I didn't like that at all.

"She would make one badass little demon!" Cole's voice was excited, low and amused. "I might have to keep this meatsuit for a bit. She's positively delightful, she's giving me some fascinating ideas."

"Get the hell out of her!" I snarled, rage rising with every minute. She turned to me, coming to my side once more and brandishing the knife again. "You gonna stick that somewhere or just wave it around like a magic wand?" I asked, purposely trying to piss the demon off.

"Oh Johnny boy, I got somewhere I can stick it, and you can actually thank your girl for this one." She stepped into me, lining the knife up tight across my balls. I looked into Cole's eyes, trying to see past the demon to the woman I loved. If she really was still in there.

Her eyes flickered, yellow to brown then back to yellow. The air around us was charging again. The knife had wavered for a second. A mere second. I met her eyes again, they were brown.

I felt the pressure easing from me, not quite as strong while Cole struggled for dominance of her own body. I felt a wave of awareness hit me. "No! Nicole!" I yelled trying frantically to break free.

She'd turned the knife on herself. The yellow eyed demon had taken control back for a split second, just enough to change the target and depth at which the knife entered Nicole's body.

The pressure was gone. I lunged forward attacking the demon, it made me physically ill to strike Cole, but I needed her out. I kicked the knife from the demon's grasp. Jim had joined me, containing Cole with his silver rosary across her neck, pinning her to the floor. I straddled her, pinning both arms above her head, while Jim continued the exorcism he'd already started.

The demon fought us at every turn, bucking trying to throw me off. She screamed from the silver touching her neck. I blocked out everything, needing to focus. I needed the ice flowing through my system. The cold, detachment of a soldier, doing what needed to be done. And yet I couldn't shake the mind numbing terror that I was about to lose Nicole to the same demon I'd lost Mary to.

I looked down at the woman writhing in pain underneath me. I reached forward and gripped her chin, staring into the cold yellow eyes that gave nothing away. "You try me you son of a bitch! She is mine! You're not getting her." I snarled furiously.

The demon looked at me. The look in my eyes must have tipped her off because Cole's mouth opened wide as the demon fled, seeking another host.

I pulled Cole into my arms, holding her tightly to me as she groaned. The knife was still protruding out of her shoulder and she cursed loudly as I accidently bumped it. I pulled back and she looked at me. "Son of a bitch!" She said, spitting out a mouthful of blood. "Pull it out already!"

Jim steadied my hand and shook his head. "I'm not sure that is wise," he said. Cole turned angry eyes to him.

"You listen to me preacher man, I'm a nurse, and if I say pull it out you better damn well do it!" She said crossly while Jim raised an eyebrow at her, not much phased him. I smirked, there was no doubt about it, Cole was completely back in charge of her own body.

She braced herself, looking me in the eyes and then nodded. With one swift motioned I yanked the knife out and she collapsed against me with a slight whimper.

Jim pushed a cloth against her wound and I helped hold it in place. Time to get us all to a hospital.

"Let's get out of here, the demon may still come back," Jim said, mirroring my thoughts.

I nodded and picked Cole up in my arms, much to her protest, packing her out of here.

* * *

_**Hotel**_

**Cole's POV**

I had just finished shouldering my stuff into the truck. John and Jim were standing beside it talking. I turned around, fitting myself against John under his shoulder. I smiled up at Jim.

"I have to say young lady, you are definitely one tough cookie. I've never even heard of a human fighting off a demon. Although shame you tried to stab yourself to do it." He said with a wry grin.

I shrugged, laughing it off. "Well nothing is more important to us than getting that son of a bitch. Right?" I said, turning my face up to John with a grin. Inside where no one could see it I felt afraid. This was the moment when he realizes he's still so desperately in love with his wife, there isn't room for anything but revenge.

He looked down at me, licking his lips. "Wrong." He said softly. His eyes were conflicted, _shit! Here it comes the damn lecture!_ I held his gaze when I wanted nothing more than to look at the ground. _I'd messed up. Big time. _

"That demon will not come before everything. It is important yes, but you mean more to me than it ever will." He said quietly. I held his gaze a small smile gracing my face. He leaned forward and placed a kiss on my temple, and I sank into the movement.

I wasn't so confident; John had good intentions, but at the end of the day he was still damaged, and he had a vendetta that was 22 years in the making, it was always going to come first. But I loved him and that foolish part of me would follow him to the ends of the earth to help him in any way I could, until one, or conceivably both of us died. His mission was now my mission.

Jim watched us with a light smile on his face, he'd seemed like a stick in the mud at first but he was kind with a good heart, and he was a good man to have at your back. I stepped forward embracing him. "It was a pleasure to meet you Pastor Jim." I said with a smile.

"You as well Cole Singer. You need anything you make sure to call me. And I do mean anything, help with a hunt, or even someone to bash John's brains in for you. I'm there or at the very least I can help you bury the body and provide an alibi." He said with a laugh handing me a piece of paper with his number on it.

John and I laughed at that. "Nah I'm pretty sure I can take him." I said confidently. With a wink in his direction. I turned to Jim, "Seriously though if I need anything else, I'll let you know." I said with a smile. He turned away from us then, moving to his truck with ease.

I turned to John. "Can we get some food now I'm starving!" I exclaimed.

He chuckled at the expression on my face. "Of course baby. Oh let's get some pie." He said softly, brightening at the idea of pie and kissing me thoroughly.

I didn't know what was coming, but I knew it was gunning right for us. We'd need to depend on each other, that was the only way we were going to make it out alive. I knew one thing, after being possessed by yellow eyes, it was too dangerous to include Beth, Sam, or Dean. No matter how much I desperately wanted to. We had to do this ourselves.

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**Author's Notes:**

The song is _I Will Be_ by Stanfour.

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Shout out to ER's Greg Pratt, and Robert "Rocket" Romano. Both were awesome in ER's history. Although I have to say I've never seen the final season of ER, so I didn't even know he died until I forgot his name and you tubed him just now. Wow! Sad day in fandom!

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Shout out to Lassie and Old Yeller, dog eat dog heroes of my childhood, shame I had to demonize them.

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Also shout out to Christine Feehan and two of my favorite books in the series. I cannot wait until she releases the next book in her current Dark Trilogy Dark Wolf! It is going to be epic and I have been waiting for the story of Skyler Rose Daratrazanoff and Dimitri Tirunul for a decade!

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Anyone know that Cole was going to be possessed by YED? Oooh and a cookie to the person who knows where Cole's book is and what exactly happened to it?

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And finally freaking huge hugs to Belladonna78 for helping me to continue this story! I loved this chapter for some reason it just took me a little longer.

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Also I know I said I was going to end _How To Save A Life_. But I can't, not yet… So I continue on with it this way. This story is set at the beginning of Season one for those of you who weren't sure.

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All righty guys please read and review!


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